It is early. I am writing my note because I am about to leave the house. I am going by Wal Mart then onto a ladies meeting in Bessemer. We are meeting at the Cracker Barrel to eat dinner. I, then will go on out to Lisa's to spend the night. I am watching Rylan tomorrow for Ashley.       So far today I haven't done much. Seems like I have been slower then usual today.      As I was lying in the bed this a.m. rel;iving again our last day at home. I can't help but think of that day. How could I ever have known it was to be our last day together? I remember your being so cold, shivering. I covered you with a blanket and held you close to me, trying to get you warm. I said I wish I could do more, your answer "just hold me". Then the medic arrived, from Sylvan Springs fire department. I had to go to the door. You never said much to me when you were in the ER. When they said you would be admitted, I learned the fifth floor. I stopped walking and said not the fifth. You see, Honey, I knew this was the floor for people they were not expecting to live long. My heart began to ache even then.     You were always such an energetic person, and always seemed to be young.      Anyway, remembering all this, I can only cry and think of the pain of losing you.       It is getting late. Sounds like the rain has stopped for now so I am getting on the road. I miss you endlessly and I can know that I love you..........BILL-EE

Today was church, as usual. I have been picking up a lady, lives on Forest Road. I picked her up then took her back home after church. I then went out to eat with Mike, Carolyn, David, and Sarah. We went to Cracker Barrel. We had about a thirty minute wait. You, Honey, hated to wait for a table, no matter where we might go. After the wait, by the time I stopped by the cemetery and got home, it was almost time to go back to church. I thought I could lie down for fifteen or twenty minutes. I naturally fell asleep. Lisa, the lady I am picking up, called me. It was ten minutes to five...church starts at five. I hopped up, got on the road and off I went. We were a few minutes late but we did make it. After church, I took her home and came on home myself. It had come a down pour, no one was going out tonight. That suited me fine.     I don't sleep well on Saturday nights. I think I am afraid I will over sleep on Sunday a.m. That was my exciting day. I am still missing you, thinking of you, and loving you..........BILL-EE         P.S  James and Glenda brought me two roses tonight. They came off bushes he planted at their house a few weeks ago. They were beautiful, a red one and a pink one. love you.

Here I am again with a note.Talking about my days without my sweetheart. I just went to get gas in the car. as I passed the cemetery, too late to stop, I was overwhelmed with missing Ben. The ache that hit me was so, I can't describe it. I felt like crying, screaming, anything to be heard. So I got the gas and came back home. The pain following me all the way. I had to pass the cemetery again, I wished I was some place else. I cried all the way back home. Honey, when I turned into our street WXJC began playing "your song". I'll always think of that song as yours. "Something Got Hold of Me". What a heart breaking evening!!        As for my day, I vacuumed floors, mopped the big bath room and left home to go help Lisa pack Chase up. He is moving back home for awhile. He wants to save some money and buy a house. I stayed for several hours trying to help. Working hard not to get in the way.      I still have to look up, so much, especially days as this one turned out to be. I always have an ache when I pass the cemetery, but this evening..... I just miss you so much and I love you.............BILL-EE

Here it is May 4th already. Time sometimes seem to fly, then there are days when they seem to creep by. My day was not too busy, I mopped the kitchen. I also tried to get a larger aisle to pass through, in the den. That wasn't altogether an easy chore. I got it done though. I put Kamilah's toys in a box, all of them are pretty much together, except for her "baby".      I really did intend to go grocery shopping. After a shower and eating I was tired. My thoughts, I will lie down for a few minutes. I intended to take a fifteen minute nap. I didn't awaken until 3 hours later. Guess I ruined my sleep for this night.      I did want to get by the cemetery, since it had rained yesterday. The nap ruined that for me.    Honey, I think of you alot. Different things will come into my mind. Like maybe what we did last year. I have been having trouble with a leg, seems as if it just about folds sometimes. That's when I will remember you coming in the house with a hole in the knee of your pants. Me: "Ben what did you do?" You: "I don't know what happened, my leg just seemed to give out with me and down I went". So many things happened over the years. I have memories on top of memories. They are all so precious to me, even the ones that causes a tear in the pants. Lifetime of memories. I could no more forget than I could stop breathing.      I miss and love you, my Ben........BILL-EE

I am determined to get the note in before midnight. I have been staying out to late. Honey, you would be really upset if you knew how late I was out on the road. Today has been a lazy day for me. I slept a little later than usual. After I had breakfast, I did some more laundry, I haven't gotten them all folded yet. I will do all that tomorrow.      It has rained most of the day, so it really has been a lazy day, as I already stated. I usually don't pay too much attention to all the rain. Today has just about been a steady pour around here.       Debbie called this evening. She and I talked for quite awhile, then I talked to Duane. I think I had already written in a notee that he moved into the apartment at the Dardens'. He said he liked it fine. He has called several times, Deb, too. I haven't been home when they called. I had decided I would call them tonight. The telephone started ringing, I said to myself that is Debbie. I am very rarely wrong. I do plan to be in bed maybe by ten o'clock tonight if not earlier.        My Ben, I miss you and I love you..........BILL-EE         I talked to Dialyn and Lisa today, too. The calls has made it an all around good day. Love you.

5/2/12        It is late again. I didn't get home from church and eating until about ten o:clock. Lisa called me as I started down the hill. I told her  may lose her, she said just call when I got home. I called and we talked for awhile. She is having an MRA done tomorrow morning. They have found a tear in an artery in her left eye. She probably will have to have a surgery done. I hope they can fix it without that.      I left home about one forty five today, I went to the day care again. Then I went to church. After church I went with Mike, Carolyn, and David to eat. My days are all so exciting.       I got all my things ready, I had planned to go to the Esther conference, a ladies thing. Then I got to feeling tired and changed my mind.       We got a nice rain tonight, got the new flowers watered one more time.       Honey, I love you and I sure do miss you so much..........BILL-EE

Honey, your birthday was a beautiful day. It was hot though, especially at the cemetery.       I went by the florist, bought new flowers for your vase. I saw a frog, all green with I love you on it, I bought it. The lady at the florist put it in the bouquet. Looks good. I wanted to stay there longer but it was so hot, I didn't stay too long.       I went down to the day care, I am wanting to volunteer to work for awhile in the afternoon and evening. I don't know how it will work out. I just want to help a little I know they are so busy this month.        I wasn't expecting to see Sis Honea, she has been at their country house. She came in, saw me, and said "want to go get something to eat". So we went ate, visited, and walked around Big Lot for awhile. She knew it was your birthday, so she said we could celebrate. God always knows what one of His needs. I thank Him for caring and for the people in my life, who cares.       Debbie and Duane called while I was gone. It was past nine when I got back home, so I didn't call them back.     They were thinking of you and of me on this day.     Honey, sometimes when I am driving along I think of the times I would reach over to you, put my hand on your leg. I would leave it there, rubbing your leg, until you would say "you need both hands on the wheel". What a stickler you could be.       Tammy, my neice, called me also. I had several messages when I got back home. I felt better knowing someone was thinking of me and, of course, you.      I miss you, special days like your birthday, are not easy to get thru. I know that with the help of God and by His grace I will have to keep going. That is what you would expect me to do. I love you.........BILL-EE