I started to write at eight o'clock, then I noticed that Lisa had called several times. I called her and she invited me to go with them to Florida for the week-end. I will ride back Monday with Ashley. That will beat having to sit here on a holiday all by myself.           I stopped at the cemetery on the way home from the church. I cleaned the marker again. When it rains it gets dirty, or if they mow the grass.         I have some clothes in the dryer that I need to get out and put away. I can get my things packed tomorrow. I guess I should say "yay" a vacation for lil ole me. I will sit in a shade and read a book, read my Bible, and do some more of nothings.             I miss you. I may not write anything while I am gone but that doesn't mean I won't be thinking of you. I love you..........BILL-EE

Here it is August almost gone. Nathan called me this a.m. said they were having the triplets birthday celebration this evening. I met Dialyn at exit 242 and followed her to their house. They have grown so much, of course,I hadn't seen them since last September. Sabine and McKenna are both larger than Sterling. He has braces on both legs. When he saw me he ran over and gave me a great big hug. He acted like he was really glad to see me, more so than did Sabine and McKenna. They both hugged me and McKenna talked alot to me. She even asked me how did I get so big to have them as great grandchildren.          This makes me miss you even more than ever. I know how important these birthday parties and anything else that happened, where we would see any of the grands, greats, or our children. I was so glad I got to see those greats. I saw Rylan a couple of weeks ago and Kamilah last week. The GA grands and greats I don't see much of. I haven't been to GA at all, since May.         After church I went to Zaxby's with the Hall crew. Had one of their salads, didn't eat much so I will have left overs. Honey, I miss you and I love you...........BILL-EE

When I stopped at the cemetery, I was there until almost dark. I decided I needed to get out while I could still see, rough walking ground. I still don't know how the angels does, it is suppose to be a solar angel.            I am thankful for each day God grants me. Sometimes though, I wonder what's the purpose?  God knows, and as I said I am thankful.        I guess I try to keep you alive, Ben, bcause I am still talking to you via this note I write. I know I need to let you RIP, huh? I probably will always write at different times. I am trying very hard, I am use to crying silent tears. Will they ever stop? I don't know, I just know that for myself I must be strong. Sometimes though I just need a big hug, but you are not here to give it to me. I miss you and I love you...........BILL-EE

Janelle and J.C. slipped out this mornng. I heard him when he first got up about seven o'clock. I was waiting to hear her before I got up. I fell back to sleep and knew nothing until about nine.          I am still struggling with the departure of my life long mate. It seems so final, more so now than a year ago. I do know I have to learn to live without my Ben, but how to do it is my question. I keep looking to the hills and praying oh, Lord help me. Daily, I will learn to go it alone. It won't be easy but I have to do it some way.       Then I wonder how did he go seemingly so quick? Yet I had noticed for several weeks his pallor had changed.        Why did they not know something was wrong when he was in hospital in August? Yet I know I must somehow not dwell on all these thoughts. So I can learn to keep on keeping on. How? By keeping my eyes on the mountains, dear Lord only with and by your help. Ben Miller I am still missing you and thinking of you much. I love you...........BILL-EE

8/26,12              I realize it is already 8/27 but here I am writing a note. Eleven months 8/26/11 they lay you in the ground, my life had ended it seemed. It still feels like it ended that day, yet I keep on going. Ben I had to keep on even though my life ended, Lisa said, "mom, I can't lose you I just lost my dad". You would have, said don't hurt them anymore, just keep going. So Honey, I smile to hide the tears of my heart. I miss you so much and I love you...........BILL-EE

I had a nice surprise today. Janelle called this a.m. about ten o'clock and said they had decided to come on today. Of course I had already thought of what I would do since they were not coming up, turns out here they are. They got here about one o'clock.        I have been busy this evening fixing food for tomorrow. I don't ever guarantee anything I put together, but it smells good. I made egg salad for this evenings meal, a sandwich, potato chips, and a honey bun, a real feast. About an hour ago we had peanut butter crackers. Janelle and J.C. have gone to bed. I put everything away and here I am writing this note. Eleven months ago we had visitation for you. I am praying for God to help me, and I know He is going to.         I miss you, Ben Miller, and I love you...........BILL-EE

I surely won't say I just got home. I am writing this for 8/24. When I started to leave the church, several ladies were there. Britney and her mom and Brenda Webb. Brenda and I started talking. She finally asked me if I wanted to go to Jack's to get a drink. I told her of course. we sat there until well past eight. When we got back to the church the others soon left. Brenda's daughter came out, she sat in the car with us. Man, I haven't talked so much in a very long time. Anyway I feel like she and I solved all the world's problems. I enjoyed that so much. It was good to have some female fellowship, for a change. She was in no hurry, neither was I. Fay was here over night but she doesn't just sit and visit long. Reminds me of the old days with Debbie.  Brenda knew I needed company. The Killoughs are not coming here until Sunday. I had been expecting them for the week end. I talked alot about Ben Miller, she said she had wished she would have known you in earlier years. I miss you and love you, I am about to get in bed...........BILL-EE