Ben Miller, sometimes it seems as if I can't go another day. The pain that hits me is quite unbelievable. I can do nothing but cry, cry, cry, and call "OH GOD help me". The hole just seems to always be at the surface. I miss you and I love you, no words can seem to erase the pain...........BILL-EE

Goodness it has been awhile since I wrote anything. Sunday night after church, I went over to New Life for their church service. Lisa was so surprised, as was Chase and Ashley and, of couse, master Ryland. After church they wanted me to go to the Haynes house instead of driving back home. I agreed, Lisa had to give me a tooth brush and furnish pj's to sleep in. Chase gave me his bed. He slept on a couch in their upstairs room. Harold's mom was there, we sat up and talked until near one o'clock.         I had already planned to go to Dialyn's on Tuesday, she called and needed me to come on over Monday night, I did. I stayed there Monday and Tuesday nights. It feels good to be home again.         Mulga has run new gas lines and has taken that ugly gas thingamygig out of the front yard. Also I am not smelling gas so much now. I am glad of that.        I went by the cemetery again Monday evening. Honey, I miss you so badly. All I can say is "I wish you were here". I am so happy to know, my dearest heart, that you are in a place of paradise.       I wonder if the hole in my heart will ever stop hurting. My one consolation is now you are not blind and you can walk, run, jump, and maybe even fish. I love you...........BILL-EE

I went on a hay ride last night. I did not get to ride in the hay, probably  a good thing. I just found out today that I am extremely allergic to hay. Anyway I rode down to Tannehill Park with Sis Honea, in her car. We all had a great time, ate hot dogs, chips, dips, cookies, dough nuts, and chips with chili and cheese. All very good. With plenty of all kinds of drinks.         Today I went to the Haynes house. We ate pizza and rice balls for lunch. Lisa, Ashley, Ryland, and I went to a pumpkin patch. There were things for the kids to do, inflatables to play on. Then we went to a maze, made from rolls of hay. That is when I realized I am allergic. I got a little to close to the hay, thought I would go through the maze. Lisa said you probably should not, about the time I knew I had gotten too close to the hay. Couldn't talk right for several minutes, and it hinders my breathing.  I ate another meal with them. Lisa got chicken, potatoes, green beans, and biscuits. I am back home.         Oh, Ben I miss you so much. No matter what I do it isn't the same without you. I miss you so much and I love you............BILL-EE

I did go to Camp Boggy. It was a little long, almost there and right back. Carolyn went with me, we spent the night Tuesday night in Mt Dora, FL. I really am glad that I went. I heard them call Benjamin Miller, Icy Miller, and Milton S. Miller. It was a time of remembrance for all the people whose names were called. I am glad I went for myself and glad I was there for June. She was really thrilled and so happy I made it. Icy and Milton never got to visit there. They would have been even prouder of her had they ever got to go down there. I am hoping next time the girls take me some place for a girls vacation that we can go there. Maybe we can even invite brother along. I got back home last night at midnight but I did sleep restful.         I stopped at the cemetery this evening for a few minutes, it is a thing with me still to stop there often. I can't seem to help myself, just as I can't stop missing you. It has not been an easy year for me, but thank God I am making it, alone. Ben Miller, I love you..........BILL-EE

Today was our son's birthday. Ben, we were so blessed with the children God gave us. You and I talked about these blessings alot, don't know why God was so good to us. We surely never deserved the many blessings HE blessed us with.           Carolyn Moore, from the church is here with me tonight. She is driving with me to Camp Boggy for their day of remembrance. Yours will be one of the names on the memorial list. I wanted to go and the kids wanted me to go. Neither one of them could go with me. Debbie is in England, Lisa has missed so much work this year already and has no vacation days she can take. Dialyn already had planned to be off next week. She is going with Nathan to LA. Duane could not possibly go, so Carolyn volunteered to go with me to help me drive. I am looking forward to the memorial service, also will be able to see your neice June. She said we could look the canp over, it will be a good time and will help me with some closure. I still ache over missing you so much. I know you are o.k. but I am not. I do keep smiling, through the tears in my heart. I miss you and I love you. I went by the cemetery, changed out the flowers and spent a little time by your last resting place. Oh, well you are resting in a heavenly place where all is well. I love you...........BILL-EE

We didn't have church tonight. I should have gone to Trussville to church. The word was, probably tornadoes headed our way this evening. So I am sitting here all by myself as per usual. Allison is usually not anywhere near here. I have begun to think I will tell her to move her things to her friends house. I am getting tired of this already. I guess I should have known better. She surely isn't living with me. She isn't doing anything she said before she moved in here. Some people are surely not dependable. I have tried to help, but a "free" horse can surely be rode to death.          I am tried of my gripping. I am going to fix something to eat and read my Bible for awhile. Just not used to being home on Sunday nights.             I miss you and I love you............BILL-EE

I haven't been writing every night lately. Yesterday, late afternoon, I went to the Haynes', spent the night. Lisa and I went shopping today and yes I did splurge a little. I know I really should not have but I did. I know you and I know what would have been said to me, for making that statement.          Strange, how such things as being on the escalator makes me thing so strongly of you, Ben Miller. I know you and I were never on an escalator together very many times. You were missed more than ever today as I rode the escalator. Probably because you are never far from my thoughts.           It is getting late and I want to get a good night's sleep so I will say I miss you and I love you.........BILL-EE