I just got home from church and eating with Sarah and David. Naturally, Ben Miller has been on my mind. It was only 20 months ago that we were getting you settled, for the last time. What I wouldn't give to have to help you to bed and get you settled in. It has been a long 20 months, most of it I have spent alone. The job I had is over for now, I would love to have a part time job, in book keeping, clerical, or any kind of office work. Ben Miller is missed so much, and is loved much.            The Killoughs will be here this week end. Monday is Memorial day, I will probably be alone that day, as I am all the rest of my days. I am not complaining, I am so thankful to know that God is with me always. Just when I think of holidays, I always knew that you, Ben, would be with me. We  may have to eat a pbj sandwich but we knew we were together, now I think of doing that alone.           I plan to get a flag to take to the cemetery and stick it in your vase, with the flowers.             Linda Holifield is coming up tomorrow. She is going to take Morgan and Kalob home with her for a week. She wanted me to go down also, but the Killoughs will be here. I will probably ride down with Sandra next week end. She is going to pick the kids up and bring them back here.            I will say again I miss you and I love you. I cannot explain to anyone the pain I feel. I can't say the hole in my heart never seems to get smaller, but sometimes it feels it gets larger. Thank God I just keep trudging along, smiling as if I have never been hurt. Thinking of you, remembering that last week you lived, day by day. Remembering that last hospital trip, and thinking of all the trips you and I took to Princeton. If only we could have kept making them................BILL-EE

Here I am again, Still missing you, Ben, so much. I think of you and I feel such pain. There is nothing to take to help the pain. I can only say once more, "Lord help me."            My job has ended, I miss going to the academy. I even miss those kids there.Yesterday and today I worked in the house, I dusted, vacumned, did laundry. Laundry is a job, the clothes has to be folded and put away. First I have to get them up two flights of stairs, thankful the stairs are not too high.            Duane was here for Mother's Day. I was so happy to have someone with me. I sure did miss you though. You had a beautiful way of making me feel special and loved, even when it was just the two of us.             I have written lots of words in this blog, all about what I do and where I have gone. I believe it says over four thousand pages. That is alot of writing, I don't think anyone ever looks at this blog any more. That is alright, I have written it for my own good.          I still stop by the cemetery quite often, weather  permitting. I still only drive about 35 miles when I drive by the area where you were laid. They still haven't put grass there, I wonder will they just wait and hope the grass spreads there don't know.           I went to bed a little past ten o'clock, was still awake so I decided it was a good time to write. Every day I think of what I could write, write it in my mind. I do someetimes get it on the blog. I can say each and ever day that I miss you and I love you.............BILL-EE