Here I am again, Still missing you, Ben, so much. I think of you and I feel such pain. There is nothing to take to help the pain. I can only say once more, "Lord help me."            My job has ended, I miss going to the academy. I even miss those kids there.Yesterday and today I worked in the house, I dusted, vacumned, did laundry. Laundry is a job, the clothes has to be folded and put away. First I have to get them up two flights of stairs, thankful the stairs are not too high.            Duane was here for Mother's Day. I was so happy to have someone with me. I sure did miss you though. You had a beautiful way of making me feel special and loved, even when it was just the two of us.             I have written lots of words in this blog, all about what I do and where I have gone. I believe it says over four thousand pages. That is alot of writing, I don't think anyone ever looks at this blog any more. That is alright, I have written it for my own good.          I still stop by the cemetery quite often, weather  permitting. I still only drive about 35 miles when I drive by the area where you were laid. They still haven't put grass there, I wonder will they just wait and hope the grass spreads there don't know.           I went to bed a little past ten o'clock, was still awake so I decided it was a good time to write. Every day I think of what I could write, write it in my mind. I do someetimes get it on the blog. I can say each and ever day that I miss you and I love you.............BILL-EE