Today is June 1st, 2014. I am almost ready for church. Debbie is here, she is going with me today.   Most of the day yesterday, we met Lisa and Ashley, had lunch and then started the hard  work of shopping. I am finally going to California, getting to visit the Butlers'. I told them when you first left me that I would visit. Finally, all these months later I am going. I am excited, but thinking about you, as always. Justy wanted to say I love you Ben, and oh, how I miss you.............BILL-EE

Here it is, 5/18/2014. All day I have thought about you, Ben. I have remembered that 32 months ago on Sunday, Sep 18, 2011 was your last time in church. You always enjoyed going to church. After church on we went out to eat with the Honea's and several others Soon after you finished eating you were definitely ready to go home, you really didn't feel good that day. We soon got up to go, Bro Honea was driving us. He helped you into the house and you lay down for a nap. That was not a good week for us. We were not expecting you to leave us before that week was over. Ben, I still miss you. Sometimes it seems  as fresh as yesterday, your leaving. I am still hanging in there, as always.             I feel like the hole in my heart hasn't healed at all. I have written in this blog several times, but nothing is being shown in 2014. Anyway I am trying again. I love you and miss you so much.................BILL-EE

Here it is, another year about gone. I miss you as always; I try to stay busy but that doesn't keep me from thinking of you and missing you, Ben Miller. I have made it for twenty seven  months as of 12/23. I've got past two Thanksgivings, two Christmas' and about to be, as of tomorrow, 12/31 will be two year endings. I wonder sometimes will there ever be a time that I won't miss you?           Duane has been sick for a week now, we spent Christmas alone ate left overs. If something doesn't change we will have a New Year, just the two of us. I hope he is alot better tomorrow.           I still stop by the cemetery quite often. I go there for me, I do know that you aren't there. You are singing and shouting in a place of Paradise.           Finally got all the decoration down, even got the kitchen floor mopped today. My vacumn cleaner is broken I may try to get another small one for upstairs. I hate lugging a vacumn up and down the stairs.         As I already said I miss you so much, how I would love to be able to tell you all that has happened in the past twenty seven months. Oh, yes I do still look to the hills from whence comes my help, thankful I know I can do that. Thankful I know you prayed for me to be able to do that when you left me.         I love you.............BILL-EE

What is this? Last month I could not get into this blog, though I did try. Neither computer would let me in, so weird.          Ben Miller, you left me 26 months ago. It was about this time 12:35 p.m. Oh, how I have missed you all these months, I keep smiling and keep being thankful for the days God has granted to me. This is what you would have me do, knowing who you were.           I have needed to have you here so badly, needed someone to talk to. You were my sounding board, as I was yours. I know I can talk to the Lord about anything and I do. Sometimes I miss hearing what you would have to say about something that caused me to feel bad. Even if you said something that would make me feel worse, right then, it always "stuck in my craw", as you would say; in the long haul I would take your advice about any thing.         I still am doing the same as always, cleaning, cooking sometimes, doing laundry, going to church and sometimes doing grocery shopping. So much is happening these days, I am not happy with but I will and do "Keep looking to the hills".        I had a vacation, for me, I went to Michigan with Lisa and Debbie, a couple of weeks ago. Lisa's migraines had gotten so bad, she went there to a clinic, she has been better this week, praise the Lord for that.         It will be Thanksgiving in a few more days, then Christmas will be looming even closer. I have to admit the holidays doesn't bring me much, if any, cheer. Without having you, here with me, well it just isn't the same. You were my constant, Ben Miller and I miss you much. I love you and I am glad you don't read these blogs, may keep you from resting in peace. I know you are enjoying yourself and that is what I want for you. Love you.............BILL-EE  

It has been two whole years since we saw you put in the ground. I do know that it was just your flesh and bones, your spirit had already departed yet that was you to me. Duane and I have been to the cemetery each day this week. We put new flowers in the vase. Duane wanted to buy the flowers this time.            Honey, I miss you still so much. I don't know words to say how much I miss you nor how much I love you. I have not been writing on the blog except on these counting months.          I still have to remind myself how you would tell me to stop crying, regardless of what I was crying about. I mostly try to keep all my crying private but afraid I haven't always done good at that this week.         I don't do much, I keep the laundry up, do the floors, keep the kitchen clean, etc. I worked at the day care for several months this summer but that job is over now. I go to church 3 times a week. Janelle and J.C. still coming on the 4th Sunday each month. They stay here. I enjoy having them.         Debbie came down Monday night. She stayed until Tuesday late afternoon. Enjoyed her visit as always.        Ben Miller I still do not know why you had to go, I wanted to go too but that was not for me to say. I will keep on as I know you would want me to. I am so happy Lisa told me she couldn't lose me, too. At that time I really didn't care to try to keep going. Now I am thankful for each day as I always had been and will be. I miss you and I love you............BILL-EE

Ben Miller RIP, Dear Honey, on Monday 9/26/2011 you were laid to rest. Now it is Monday 8/26/2013, this day has been a day of many silent tears for me. All I felt like doing was staying in bed. I wanted to shut out reality. I didn't want to think of my heart ache, of how I miss you.             I really thought about going to the grave site and sit there, not ever moving. God is so good, I finally thought of my many years of saying, "life goes on and God is still God". I made myself move and tried hard to say to myself, move on ole girl, there is still something for you to do.           I can't really say I have done anything today, but I got up, I folded clothes, half cleaned the kitchen. Duane and I went to Applebees and ate then we went to Wal Mart, in Bessemer and I bought a few things.           I really can't tell anyone how I feel, but Honey I keep smiling, even though my heart is so sad and achy and I so miss you. I am hoping that by and by it will not be so bad. I love you and wish you were here with me.............I miss hearing the BILL-EE          It is a couple of minutes past midnight, so now is Tuesday 8/27.

I wrote last on July 22, today is August 21 Wednesday. I am thinking of our last week. September 21, 2011 was also on Wednesday. You didn't come downstairs all that day, you ate all three meals in the bedroom. We didn't go to church that evening. you hadn't felt good all day. You didn't stay in bed, but sat in a chair most of the day. That evening you said your stomache hurt. What is funny, you did sleep well that night. You didn't wake early and want to get out of bed.       Oh, if I had known you only had one more full day in this life. At least I did eat lunch and dinner in the room with you. As usual I had clothes to laundry, fold, and put away that day; along with all the other chores, it seemed, I always needed to do. I miss you so much still, I wonder will I ever not miss you. I go to the cemetery quite often even though it has been 23 months since you left me. Yes, I miss you and I love you as always.......... BILL-EE. I still miss hearing the BILL-EE.