It has been a while since I wrote anything. I kind of forgot how to get the blog up and I didn't save. I miss you so much Honey, I feel like I need you here, then I remember how the last couple of years were for you and I know that what we would talk about would only break your heart. I have learned to cope alone. Sometimes I will "break forth" to one of the kids, but I don't want to hurt them so I try to move along.           I fell going down the stairs hurt both feet/ankles but am trying to get back to normal. I stayed at Lisa's for 2 months, am back home now. Being the trouble with feet I haven't even been to the cemetery for too long.          Ben it has been almost 4 years now since you left me and yet my heart still breaks, it hurts remembering even these days, as I remember those last days we had together. I didn't want you gone ever, but God knows best and HE showed you light your last day.           Remembering all the days we had together are sweet. Thinking of the days since you left are very painful, yet I know the days of happiness we had together has to somehow out weigh the pain of loss I suffer from losing you. Thank you for being the kind of man you were. You won stars every day for the kind of person (husband, father, friend, child of God you were) from me. I have no problem remembering that "sailor boy" I met those years ago. I have no problem remembering the person, how you looked, in 1950 when I became your wife. I can still see how you looked at the first glimpse of your 4 children, of the night you went to an altar to pray, even how you looked at your mothers funeral, at the news of my mothers death, at funerals of friends and family. How you looked when Lisa and Debbie set up so I could see you, as we talked on the phone, after my bout of sickness when I was doing therapy to learn again to walk.             So much to say to you, for my good I do this, just as I go to cemetery and talk to you....I am doing for me, sharing my thoughts with you in writing this blog. Sorry didn't get them all posted, my loss............I miss you much still and I will always love you.............BILL-EE