Today is 3/25, I am remembering the evening of visitation. I also keep thinking of the 22nd, how you saw light that morning, the big lunch you ate, the small amount you ate at dinner time. Taking you to the ER, you and I spent the night there, you admitted to the hospital on Friday morning. Oh, what a difficult day and the days since; for 9/23/11 at 12:35 you made your journey to a place of forever rest and peace for you. You left me with a broken heart, with a big hole of emptiness, silent tears, that I will smile around. Ben Miller, you truly were and are my true Love. I was blessed mightily by our God to have married and lived the years we had together. Blessed beyond measure with our four beautiful children, grandchildren and greats. I am thankful daily to the ONE who gave me such great blessings. So much and many I could never name. I miss you continually and love you......BILL-EE

Yesterday on the 20th I thought so much about your staying in the bed room until past 4 p.m. You made it to the stairs, but said you could go no farther. I told you to sit down on the stairs, which you did. I played a preaching tape ( Bro Raggio, HE Came Once and HE Will Come Again--Dec 1991). I heard you say, come on Lord Jesus and get us. Why don't you come and get us....silence...then, come and get me,  I am so tired. I  couldn't help myself, I began to cry. After a few minutes you said you were ready to come on down.        The 21st of September you stayed all day in the bed room. You ate all three meals there. I remember the look on your face that day. A pleasant, contented look. You stayed in such a good mood all day. I brought a more comfortable chair for you to sit in. You stayed in your robe all that day.            Honey, I  am so alone, all the time and I miss you more than I can ever say. I went by the cemetery Sunday evening, after church.           I am so bothered with the allergies right now. I finally took a benadryle, I had gone to bed at nine thirty. Still awake at eleven thirty. I thought the benadryle would put me out.......no such luck, so here I sit writing in the blog. How I would love to be able to be talking to you. I miss you and I love you.........BILL-EE

It has been awhile since I wrote. I went to the Ladies Retreat last Friday and Saturday. How I miss not being able to tell you all about it.           Tomorrow, 3/19 will begin the dates of your last week on this earth. Even if I live to be 180 years old, and forget everything else, I think I will remember these dates and the year 2011. That Monday 9/19/11, wasn't much different than our other days, except you seemed to be tired more easily and sooner then before. I can't believe I didn't take you to the Doctor. We had an appointment, already, in a few more days. I am wondering now, would it have mattered if I had taken you to the Doctor then? I don't know, there has always been so many questions these dates of each month that has passed since you left me. I will always think of the dates but I pray that time will heal most, if not all, of the pain inflicted. I miss you so and I love you.........BILL-EE

Again, alot of days has passed since I wrote on this blog. It isn't that I haven't thought of you, it's just I feel as if I need to stand alone more.I truly have leaned on you, dear Ben, even after death has separated us I sometimes wonder, how long does the pain last?  It seems as if the pain is the same as always, no change.            I will think of something that was  a part of our lives. I have thought of our trips to Nashville, all the things we did there. Shopping in the Ernest Tubb record store, going on a tour bus, going to Grand Ole Opry, to name a few. I remember restaurants where we ate., Thinking about the museum of country artists. Standing there in the Hank Williams room, so many things that crosses my mind. I truly am thankful for the memories, of going to churches, our six week vacation with my sisters, brother-in-law, and neice. How could I even begin to write all the memories I have of our near 61 years together.          The births of our 4 beautiful children, of bringing them up, striving to teach them the right and wrongs of life. Yet the pain never goes away, my loss is fresh each day. Honey, I do what I believe you would be happy about. I cover the unseen tears with smiles and even laughter. All the time knowing that you are gone from me. The memories are here to stay and I am thankful for that.            I stopped at the cemetery last Monday and again on Thursday. Glad I can do that. I have so much to be thankful for, as did you and I before you were gone. I will say for now that I miss you so much and I do love you.............BILL-EE