It has been awhile since I wrote. No, I have not been busy, truth is I haven't done much of anything since I wrote last.           I had spent Christmas at the Spence's, came home on Wednesday 12/26. I think I wrote on that day. The rest of the week I have mostly been "null and void" meaning doing nothing. I finally have started taking decorations down.         Honey, I never knew I could miss anyone as I have missed you this Christmas season and these days since Christmas. I believe I have felt more alone than ever. It's like, it is just me now.         I stopped at the cemetery today on my way home from church. I said I guess I am glad there was no place I could sit, because on such a beautiful day I would have stayed there all afternoon.          I will be going to church tonight, then we will go out to eat breakfast.          It is late (very) and I really do need to get in bed, so I will say again that I miss you. I was connected to you, you know. I love you..........BILL-EE

Fifteen months ago this day my one true love passed from this life, to a new one, to a much better place. How I miss you, Ben Miller, I cannot tell. How I think of you, I cannot say. Will I always feel this alone at Christmas time? Who knows? With an ache in my heart is how I miss you. If I could recall you I would. Yet I think I know you would not return even if you could. All I can say is, Honey, I miss you and I love you..............BILL-EE

I am going to write yet again. In three days it will be Christmas day. I feel more alone than ever, my heart feels achy and sad. Thinking of Christmas without you is like a torment. I don't know what to do, what to say, or even what to think.         I went by the cemetery today, I was on my way home from Lisa's. I had been there since about eight thirty Thursday A.M. Now I am back home, wondering how do I make it through this Christmas. God Help me get through this is my continuous prayer. It is so hard to try to explain how I feel, I just know I miss you more than ever. I will soon take some medicine and go to bed, trying not to think of how alone I feel. I miss you, I love you.........BILL-EE

I haven't written since last Wednesday. The cough started on Tuesday. That is when this cough really got started. I won't write much because I want to get to bed. I kept thinking I will be alright. The cough got worse again last night, I didn't get out today. It has rained all day. When I went to pick up the medicine Dr. called in for me, I stopped at the florist and got new flowers for the gravesite.         I just got to say I miss you much and more and I love you.........BILL-EE

Sunday was my last day to blog. Monday I did laundry, and tried to put everything back in order. Altho it really wasn't bad, the girls had about done everything. God really blessed you and me, Ben Miller, I know we never deserved the blessings of the children we had.          Yesterday I had to pick up medicine, so I got stamps. Since I was out I went on out to Bessemer tax assessor's office. That didn't help much. Wanted to write, I still haven't gotten to cemetery, hopefully tomorrow or Friday. Wanted to say I miss you and I love you.........BILL-EE

A whole week since I wrote. I stayed busy last week. Cleaning, a Sears retiree Christmsas Banquet, a program at church, plus church on Wednesday night.            Yesterday, 12/8/12 we had our "Miller" christmas. We, Ben Miller Family, stayed here and we had our Christmas. Of course we had much more food than needed, as usual. I told everyone to please not leave all that food here for me to have to throw away. I think Lisa, Carmen, Debbie, even Duane had a good bit of food to take home with them. I told Lisa maybe next week would be light on her. Dialyn also took alot of food, she left it with Nathan and Danni.            This A.M. we had a big crew still around, had a BIG breakfast. Carmen made her sausage and egg dish, Debbie baked those good fruit things she does, plus we had bacon, eggs, (Lisa fixed) and biscuits. There was jam aplenty. Most of all, we were sitting down together, to enjoy food, fun, and family fellowship, which nothing can replace. Debbie, Duane, Carmen, Todd, and girls came down Friday evening. No need to say how I enjoyed every minute.           Now I am alone again, Sunday evening, no church tonight. I have missed you every minute, especially knowing tomorrow is our anniversary date. I feel again, how do I learn to live now? I feel so all alone. I feel so sad and grieved. I still have to get through this month, and then try to figure how about next year? Oh, Ben I am trying so very hard to keep smiling, even as my heart cries for you: as do my eyes.          Lisa prayed with me, for me and for herself before she left. She misses you much, as do they all.        I had thought I would go to cemetery tomorrow, get the new flowers for the grave. Sounds like it will be a bad, stormy, day. That doesn't help any. I can barely see now, so God help me to look to the mountains for my help once again. How do I miss you? I cannot say, I don't know the words. How do I love you? Only God knows, only HE knows the ache of a heart that is alone............BILL-EE

I haven't written since Monday. It has been a busy week. Yesterday I left home at three thirty going to the Haynes'. Lisa, Ashley and I drove over to GA. Spent the night with Debbie, saw Duane too.       Ashley is pregnant and Todd had a stackable washer/dryer set. Chase came over this afternoon, they rented a U-Haul and he brought the set home for Ashley. Honey, you could have fixed that thing in a minute. They couldn't plug it, wrong something or other. Thinking of you alot as usual.           Miller Christmas is this next Saturday, will probably have it here at the house. Debbie, Carmen, Todd, and the girls will be down Friday to decorate and such. Also Thursday is the Sears Retiree Christmas luncheon. I am planning to go for that. Debbie will not be able to make that and then come back on Friday, guess I will go alone again. So much I wish I could tell you right now---but oh, well. I can say I miss you and I love you dearly................BILL-EE