A whole week since I wrote. I stayed busy last week. Cleaning, a Sears retiree Christmsas Banquet, a program at church, plus church on Wednesday night.            Yesterday, 12/8/12 we had our "Miller" christmas. We, Ben Miller Family, stayed here and we had our Christmas. Of course we had much more food than needed, as usual. I told everyone to please not leave all that food here for me to have to throw away. I think Lisa, Carmen, Debbie, even Duane had a good bit of food to take home with them. I told Lisa maybe next week would be light on her. Dialyn also took alot of food, she left it with Nathan and Danni.            This A.M. we had a big crew still around, had a BIG breakfast. Carmen made her sausage and egg dish, Debbie baked those good fruit things she does, plus we had bacon, eggs, (Lisa fixed) and biscuits. There was jam aplenty. Most of all, we were sitting down together, to enjoy food, fun, and family fellowship, which nothing can replace. Debbie, Duane, Carmen, Todd, and girls came down Friday evening. No need to say how I enjoyed every minute.           Now I am alone again, Sunday evening, no church tonight. I have missed you every minute, especially knowing tomorrow is our anniversary date. I feel again, how do I learn to live now? I feel so all alone. I feel so sad and grieved. I still have to get through this month, and then try to figure how about next year? Oh, Ben I am trying so very hard to keep smiling, even as my heart cries for you: as do my eyes.          Lisa prayed with me, for me and for herself before she left. She misses you much, as do they all.        I had thought I would go to cemetery tomorrow, get the new flowers for the grave. Sounds like it will be a bad, stormy, day. That doesn't help any. I can barely see now, so God help me to look to the mountains for my help once again. How do I miss you? I cannot say, I don't know the words. How do I love you? Only God knows, only HE knows the ache of a heart that is alone............BILL-EE