Sixteen months since your funeral. The hole has been in my heart, it just want go away. I miss you so much and I love you...........BILL-EE

Today 1/24/13, just 16 months  and one day since your death, 9/23/11. Sixteen months ago we made all the arrangements, and made more telephone calls All four of our children were here. Your young brother and Clara Belle plus my brother Donnie, and Linda, Carla, Ashley, and who else.           I look at your pictures alot. Of course, I see you without looking at pictures. When I think of you, I can see you clearly, I see you as you looked. For instance, if I think of how you loved fishing, I can see how you looked when you came home from fishing. I, sometimes, think of how proud you were that Harold Haynes fished with you. You had quite a few different fishing buddies over the years. The 2 Jims, Randy McBrayer, David Hall, to name a few. Maybe they were most of them. In your younger years, Sid & Ulmer, your brothers fished with you. Also your son has many fond memories of fishing with you. I remember the two or three times I went with you. You remembered them, too. You had a lot of fun when you could tell how I lay down in the bottom of the boat and slept, while you fished. Honey, we had a good life together, I have so many goood memories. I sometimes feel so alone, but thank God I can look to the hills where my help comes from. I miss you, I love you.........BILL-EE

 The day, 9/22/11 started off so good, because you, Ben Miller, could see light. It didn't last long but your attitude was good that day. Bro. Honea brought us some lunch. You did eat a good lunch but didn't, couldn't eat much at dinner time. Actually you went to bed about eight thirty that evening. I don't even like to think about the rest of that night. Your throwing up, deciding to go to ER, they taking x-rays, and all the other. Finally knowing for a certainty that you would be admitted. The going to fifth floor, with a very heavy heart. Watching your blood pressure plummet, begging you to talk to me and all the rest.           I went to cemetery took the Christmas wreath away, put new flowers in the vase, saying how much I miss you and that I love you..........BILL-EE

I didn't get to sleep last night until past two o'clock. It is now twelve forty eight and I am still awake. I was dong fine, in bed a little past eleven. These dates, I started reliving 9/20/11, that is the date I heard you asked the Lord to come and get us, then asked Him to come and get you. I heard you say "I am ready, I am tired." On 9/21/11 you stayed in the bedroom all day. I took the kitchen chair out and put a cushioned, seat and back, in there for you to sit on. I can see you, in my minds eye, sitting in that chair. You ate all three meals in the bedroom. I took my dinner up and ate with you. Oh, Ben  will these dates ever change for me, I wonder.           I have been thinking all day that I want to change out the flowers. at the grave site. I know all the rain we've had those flowers that are there will need to be chunked. I plan to take care of that tomorrow.             I am going to try once again to get to sleep, I really want to go to work this day. For now I will say I miss you and I love you...........BILL-EE

I haven't written for more than a week again. It has rained "cats and dogs" around here. The sun hasn't shined much this whole month. Today, 1/17/13, it snowed. It was so pretty for awhile. Of course, like always there were spots that began looking slushy. Honey, you know how I could always find something beautiful to show you, after it snowed.            I was looking out the den door and saw a tree that looked so much like Christmas. It was out near 269 Hwy. I know the trees in the front lawn probably was very beautiful, too.       Because of the weather condition I haven't been able to get to the cemetery. I know the flowers have been beaten, wouldn't be surprised, if they have not all been beaten down.          I did something yesterday I haven't done for quite awhile. When I drove by, I called out your name, as before. The hole in my heart is still too big for comfort for me. I did go on to work, and did as good a job as possible. At days end, I talked about you to a lady there. Of course, that brought on the tears. It is said, I have said it many times myself, that time is a healer. Well I am waiting for the time when the pain is not so painful. I hope the little job will be a help. You would be proud of me, for I am, and have been, smiling thru the tears. I miss you, still, sometimes more than is bearable it seems and I love you..........BILL-EE   How I wish I could hear that name called out once more.

I can't believe it has been so long since I wrote on this blog. I have surely thought of you, Ben Miller, but always seemed to be busy at something.         Where do I start? I have been to the cemetery a couple of times. I still slow down pasing by there. Don't ask why? I don't have an answer except I think of you.          It has done alot of raining these last few days. Of course there has been a couple of the most beautiful sunshiny days ever.           I had company this past week-end. Debbie came down, Linda Holifield with Melisha, Jonathan, and their three children were here, too. I really enjoyed having some company, even if it was a short visit.         I went to the Haynes House Monday night, had a good dinner. Harold's mom was there, she had cooked. I spent the night, but came back home yesterday. It is easy to see I am not doing much, just sitting around here like always. I am about to go get in the shower and get dressed for church tonight. Then maybe do a little more cleaning. I do so miss you and I sure do love you. You are the best thing that could have ever happened to me. I had you for more than sixty years, for which I am most thankful. Love you..........BILL-EE. I still miss hearing that call of Bill-ee.

The New Year is here. I went to Church, at twelve o'clock about half of us went to Waffle House and had breakfast. Time for the fast to start. I don't know yet just what I will be doing but I will be fasting some. I enjoyed the breakfast and especially the fellowship. I, of course, thought alot about you as always. I even remembered some of our long ago New Years Eve times.          I surely don't know what the new year holds, but thankful that I do know who holds the new year. I wonder if the ache in my heart will ever heal, how much will this year help?   I miss you and I love you..........BILL-EE