It is "brrr" cold weather around here. I have been so busy trying to save on electricity and now gas. They put in new gas lines here. I had to pay for the valve, $50.00. Okay, got that done still haven't seen a water and gas bill for last month.           I went by the cemetery today. Remembered how hot it was still this time last year. Today I had to wear a coat.          I miss you my beloved Ben. Nothing new about that. The hole is still in my heart. I love you............BILL-EE

We had a great time at church today. Janelle and J.C. got here yesterday about twelve. We went to Habenaro's and ate mexican. Friday night I had Italian. Today, it was good old food, ham, turkey and dressing, beans, chicken and dumplings, etc.        I miss you, I miss having you here, I miss hearing BILL-EE. I am going to keep on keeping on as you would tell me to do. Ben Miller, Beloved, I love you.........BILL-EE

Ben Miller, sometimes it seems as if I can't go another day. The pain that hits me is quite unbelievable. I can do nothing but cry, cry, cry, and call "OH GOD help me". The hole just seems to always be at the surface. I miss you and I love you, no words can seem to erase the pain...........BILL-EE

Goodness it has been awhile since I wrote anything. Sunday night after church, I went over to New Life for their church service. Lisa was so surprised, as was Chase and Ashley and, of couse, master Ryland. After church they wanted me to go to the Haynes house instead of driving back home. I agreed, Lisa had to give me a tooth brush and furnish pj's to sleep in. Chase gave me his bed. He slept on a couch in their upstairs room. Harold's mom was there, we sat up and talked until near one o'clock.         I had already planned to go to Dialyn's on Tuesday, she called and needed me to come on over Monday night, I did. I stayed there Monday and Tuesday nights. It feels good to be home again.         Mulga has run new gas lines and has taken that ugly gas thingamygig out of the front yard. Also I am not smelling gas so much now. I am glad of that.        I went by the cemetery again Monday evening. Honey, I miss you so badly. All I can say is "I wish you were here". I am so happy to know, my dearest heart, that you are in a place of paradise.       I wonder if the hole in my heart will ever stop hurting. My one consolation is now you are not blind and you can walk, run, jump, and maybe even fish. I love you...........BILL-EE

I went on a hay ride last night. I did not get to ride in the hay, probably  a good thing. I just found out today that I am extremely allergic to hay. Anyway I rode down to Tannehill Park with Sis Honea, in her car. We all had a great time, ate hot dogs, chips, dips, cookies, dough nuts, and chips with chili and cheese. All very good. With plenty of all kinds of drinks.         Today I went to the Haynes house. We ate pizza and rice balls for lunch. Lisa, Ashley, Ryland, and I went to a pumpkin patch. There were things for the kids to do, inflatables to play on. Then we went to a maze, made from rolls of hay. That is when I realized I am allergic. I got a little to close to the hay, thought I would go through the maze. Lisa said you probably should not, about the time I knew I had gotten too close to the hay. Couldn't talk right for several minutes, and it hinders my breathing.  I ate another meal with them. Lisa got chicken, potatoes, green beans, and biscuits. I am back home.         Oh, Ben I miss you so much. No matter what I do it isn't the same without you. I miss you so much and I love you............BILL-EE

I did go to Camp Boggy. It was a little long, almost there and right back. Carolyn went with me, we spent the night Tuesday night in Mt Dora, FL. I really am glad that I went. I heard them call Benjamin Miller, Icy Miller, and Milton S. Miller. It was a time of remembrance for all the people whose names were called. I am glad I went for myself and glad I was there for June. She was really thrilled and so happy I made it. Icy and Milton never got to visit there. They would have been even prouder of her had they ever got to go down there. I am hoping next time the girls take me some place for a girls vacation that we can go there. Maybe we can even invite brother along. I got back home last night at midnight but I did sleep restful.         I stopped at the cemetery this evening for a few minutes, it is a thing with me still to stop there often. I can't seem to help myself, just as I can't stop missing you. It has not been an easy year for me, but thank God I am making it, alone. Ben Miller, I love you..........BILL-EE

Today was our son's birthday. Ben, we were so blessed with the children God gave us. You and I talked about these blessings alot, don't know why God was so good to us. We surely never deserved the many blessings HE blessed us with.           Carolyn Moore, from the church is here with me tonight. She is driving with me to Camp Boggy for their day of remembrance. Yours will be one of the names on the memorial list. I wanted to go and the kids wanted me to go. Neither one of them could go with me. Debbie is in England, Lisa has missed so much work this year already and has no vacation days she can take. Dialyn already had planned to be off next week. She is going with Nathan to LA. Duane could not possibly go, so Carolyn volunteered to go with me to help me drive. I am looking forward to the memorial service, also will be able to see your neice June. She said we could look the canp over, it will be a good time and will help me with some closure. I still ache over missing you so much. I know you are o.k. but I am not. I do keep smiling, through the tears in my heart. I miss you and I love you. I went by the cemetery, changed out the flowers and spent a little time by your last resting place. Oh, well you are resting in a heavenly place where all is well. I love you...........BILL-EE

We didn't have church tonight. I should have gone to Trussville to church. The word was, probably tornadoes headed our way this evening. So I am sitting here all by myself as per usual. Allison is usually not anywhere near here. I have begun to think I will tell her to move her things to her friends house. I am getting tired of this already. I guess I should have known better. She surely isn't living with me. She isn't doing anything she said before she moved in here. Some people are surely not dependable. I have tried to help, but a "free" horse can surely be rode to death.          I am tried of my gripping. I am going to fix something to eat and read my Bible for awhile. Just not used to being home on Sunday nights.             I miss you and I love you............BILL-EE

I haven't been writing every night lately. Yesterday, late afternoon, I went to the Haynes', spent the night. Lisa and I went shopping today and yes I did splurge a little. I know I really should not have but I did. I know you and I know what would have been said to me, for making that statement.          Strange, how such things as being on the escalator makes me thing so strongly of you, Ben Miller. I know you and I were never on an escalator together very many times. You were missed more than ever today as I rode the escalator. Probably because you are never far from my thoughts.           It is getting late and I want to get a good night's sleep so I will say I miss you and I love you.........BILL-EE

Ben Miller, I miss you so much, I am still so lost without you. It seems that whenever I try to do something good, I get "burned" or "bummed". You were the level headed one in our twosome.            That is enough of that.          Debbie and Tot are in England, they seem to be having a great time. Tot is in school over there, from what he says it is hard to understand their English language.        Bro. Honea did a good job tonight on his sermon, you would have enjoyed it. I still miss having you at church with me. Nothing is the same without you, Honey.          I have my regular check-up at the doctor in the a.m. So I will be going to bed in a short time. I love you..........BILL-EE

I did a load of laundry today. Changed the sheets on my bed. I went to a ladies meeting tonight. We went to the Home Plate Diner for dinner. Everyone ate heartily, and we just had a good time talking and laughing together.          Lisa called this afternoon, rather early evening. That about sums up my day.          I thought of you and how I miss you and can still say truthfully, I love you..........BILL-EE

I haven't written since 10/04. Friday 10/05 I went with Lisa, Ashley, and Rylan to Sulligent. Harold was already there. He had gone down earlier, took a horse, there was a horse show on Saturday night, it started raining so Harold decided against riding in it. He didn't want to put his horses through that, plus he didn't want to put himself through it.           Lisa, Ashley, Rylan and I went to a little carnival on Saturday. We had a big time, watching Rylan, little dare devil, riding and having fun. It was cool, but fun. I am glad I went with them. We came back last night. I got home a little past eleven.        Today was a very cool day, and tonight will be almost cold. the heater in the den won't come on. I got Allison to check it, she couldn't turn it on either. The knob will not turn.         Allison moved in some of her belongings tonight. We will do fine, I have already talked quite frankly with her. I know you would say "you have to help her". I will try again.         I can see you so clearly, at the most unexpected times. I know there is a picture, no pictures, of you in my heart. A picture will "pop" up when I am thinking of you so strongly and the pain becomes so fresh and new all over. I do miss you alot, as always, and I know I love you..........BILL-EE

Well, today I did go to the retiree luncheon, Fay snd Byron both went with me. We had a great lunch and a good time. After we left Golden Corral we went by Wal Mart, Hueytown. I bought a few items and Byron bought me and Fay a watch. After they left, I lay down had a short nap. About all I did this day.         I went to the church, as I do each day, James and Glenda were there. When I started to leave I talked a bit with them. They decided to go and invited me to go with them to Arby's for a bite to eat. I definitely was blessed on this day.        Debbie and Tot are leaving for England tomorrow. I told Debbie about the day of remembrance at Camp Boggy, where you are a part of the memorial service. She told me to go and she would pay the motel bill when she gets back home. I am excited, can't wait to tell Carolyn that we will be able to go. I wish there was someway Ashley could go with us, she has to take care of Rylan so....           Honey, I am missing you every day but I am still looking to the hills where I know my strength comes from. It is final, you are gone forever and I am alone, missing you and I can say I love you............BILL-EE

I am home. I did go to the surgeon today, he says everything is as should be. The reason I still have pain is the infection got to the nerves and that it would take awhile for them to get all settled down. Ashley met me there, Lisa wanted to know everything the doctor said. I got back home, took my medicine, and took a nap. I am about ready to want to go to bed now. Last night was one of the, what I call, killer nights.          I stopped at the cemetery on the way to church tonight. Stayed for several minutes.         Fay is supposed to come over tomorrow morning; we will be going to the retiree luncheon tomorrow. All I got for today except to say I miss you, I love you.........BILL-EE

I went to see Dr. Rosenstiel today. Supposed to get a tooth filled, well he looked at me and said I won't touch you today. He says my face is still not well and I need to see the Dr. again. I finally promised to call Dumas. When I told Lisa about it what does she do, but call the surgeon. I told her I had called Dumas, as I promised the dentist I would do, and he had called me in another round of antibiotic. The surgeons office called and said he wanted to see me again. Your baby is determined for me. Knowing you, you would appauld her.          I went by the cemetery this evening. Didn't get  much of anything accomplished today. The same thing tomorrow, a trip to the surgeon and to Dr. LeCroys office. On Thursday, I hope to get to the Sears retiree luncheon. Busy week for me.          I want to get in bed early as I will need to be out and about by ten o'clock. I miss you and I love you..........BILL-EE

The beginning of a new month. Only 3 more months of 2012, then what? One thing is for sure life goes on, God is still God true and living. HE has ears to hear, eyes to see, HE sees all and knows all. I am so happy that you and I discovered this 45 years ago. I know you never regretted it and I know I haven't either. God is good, all the time.           Today has been somewhat of a busy day. Mostly I waited for the telephone to ring. I had called Allison last night, I told her to come over here with me. I know that is what you would do if you were here. She called this a.m, woke me, and asked if I meant it. Of course I did, I couldn't sit back and let any of our children live on the street. Maybe that is why God is still so good to me and was always good to us, we tried to help others. Naturally I will help ours if and when I can.          It is about to be bed time, so I will go with these words.......I miss you much and I love you much..........BILL-EE