OH, Ben how I have ached for you this day. I went to the cemetery this afternoon, for the first time I felt dread as I was on my way there. I stayed until the gnats got really bad. I didn't want to leave once I got there. My thoughts were, just lie down beside his grave. I remembered and lived again that fateful day Sep. 26, 2011. I have lost many loved ones, mother, dad, sisters, brother, nephews, and neices to name a few. I miss them all, but when I lost you there was an ache in my heart and a great big hole. It hasn't been easy this past year and I wonder will the ache ever cease?          When I finally left the cemetery I went to the diner and tried to eat something. It was hard swallowing food. I haven't eaten much in over a week now. After church I went to Arby's with the Hall's and Heidi's two girls. I managed to eat part of a small salad. I know I will have to keep looking to the hills, from whence comes my help. It is almost like starting another cycle of missing you and of knowing I am alone. I love you........BILL-EE