1/31/12

Last day of January 2012. Ulmer and Clara are here. They came down for Clara's sister's susrgery.    Allison went to take her dad's truck home. She has been in process of moving since last Thursday evening.    Honey, thinking of you as usual.    I am still coughing, if it doesn't get better soon I will have to call Dumas and ask for a shot or two. I want to get over this.   I  tried to call Icy today, no answer. Clara had talked to her earlier, she was asking about me.    I have taken all the meds for the night, they make me drowsy and sleepy, so I am going to bed while I feel like I can sleep.  Honey I miss you as much as ever and I love you................BILL-EE

1/30/12

Here I am, Honey, back to all is well....almost. I already said the girls and I had a great time. In them thar mountains. Of course, we had Rylan, he can keep a person laughing. You would really enjoy him. I wish you had been able to have more time with the greats.      My heart hurts to think of how little time you were able to spend with them.     Allison has gotten moved in here with me. She has alot of "stuff". I haven't got it all figured out, as yet. I know we will have to use the shed. Probably have a lot of re-arranging to do out there also.       I changed my mind about going to TN with Fay and Bryon. I have been taking medicine since Friday and the cough is still hanging in.     I got all my colored clothes washed today. That's about all I have done. I did cook a chicken pot pie to eat.      Well only one more day of January. Seems kind of funny to realize how fast this month has gone by.       I miss Milton, to think he is gone is unbelievable. Not as much as thinking of you gone. I still have a hard time thinking that you have left me forever. I will have to keep reminding my heart that you are still there, even if you are gone. Try to keep the pain from being unbearable.      Not much to say, except that I miss you and that I love you, Honey.............BILL-EE

1/29/12

Honey, I missed last night, writing my note. We got to Lisa's aroud 9 or maybe a little before. Everyone was tired. Lisa didn't set up her lap top. I didn't say anything to her. She wanted to get a shower and get in bed. She was going into work early this a.m. We had a great time, we ate at restaurants that served 5 course lunches (Sunday) and dinners. Wow how we did eat. Yesterday at lunch the jaw really hurt so I couldn't eat the way I wanted to. I forgot to get my country fried steak out of the fridge. Oh well, I sure did want to eat it. I missed you and honey I love you.............BILL-EE

1/28/12

Ben this is our last night here. Your daughters are acting a little, well "nutty". What's new??????     We , me and the 3 girls had an old time picture made. It is real good, all 4 of us were at our best.     We drove to Cades Cove, that's in a national park. It was interesting.  I went in one of the old houses, there wasn't any furniture in it. I was disappointed, I like seeing the old furniture.      We ate at the Old Mill, you and I ate there once upon a time when we were here with Debbiee, Tot and a couple of their kids. I got too full, that is for sure.      I have enjoyed the stay here, being with the girls is wondderful. But Honey I have missed you so much. I think I already said how many things would bring to rememberance of our times up here.     We talked of the Christmas we all, whole family, came up.(It was a year that Duane and Sharon were in Brunswick so their family didn't come.) My neices, Linda and Carla, their families were here to. It was before the surgery. Anyway lots of memories.       Honey, I miss you and I love you more than I could ever say..................BILL-EE

1/27/12

Ben Miller, I miss you. We are still in TN, Debbie got here today. I am with our 3 girls, plus Ashley and Rylan. We have laughed alot.      The girls are going back to the swimming pool. I am not going, I have been coughing a lot I was sounding bad, so the girls said. Lisa called Sandy today, Dr. Dumas called CVS drugs and ordered some meds for me. The cough medicine has already quieted the cough, of which I am very happy. I had started sounding croupy.   While I am in the room alone I plan to take a nap. My sleep was sketchy last night. I was awake from 3:30 until about 7 this a.m.     Honey, I have thought of every time you were here with me. We had some good times. I especially think of the first of 2000 when we were here. You would remember that time, too. We were waiting to hear what the mri showed, it showed the tumor. That tumor fooled the neurosurgeon. It didn't show how big the tumor was. You wound up having 2 surgeries. What a change that made in our lives. Not too much change until after 2002, after then it was down hill, slowly but surely. I really don't need to think of all that now. The girls are about ready to leave so I will say again, honey I miss you and I love you..............BILL-EE

1/26/12

Honey, exactly 4 months since we lay you to rest. My heart has ached all day.     I and the girls, are doing ok, we have had a good day. I watched Lisa, Ashley and Rylan in the pool this evening. Dialyn was not feeling good so she didn't go to the pool. She is in bed now.    We had to turn the dishwasher on, as we were out of bowls already. We don't know if Deb is coming up, I think probably not as we haven't heard from her.       Today would be my mother's birthday. She would be 103 if she was still alive. She was so young when that tornado killed her.      I am still wondering how do I keep going without you. I know you would expect me to do my best and also to take care of myself. Believe me, I am trying to do that.     I keep thinking of Icy, I wonder what she will do. She needs someone with her. I am so blessed to be able to do for myself.       Ben Miller I miss you so much and I love you much, too............BILL-EE

1/25/12

Honey I was so tired last night and Lisa hadn't set up the computer. I am writing Thursday a.m. for Wednesday.     We drove up to Pigeon Forge. Lisa, Ashley, Rylan, Dialyn and me. We had alot of fun. About 10 last night I was actually ready for bed. I slept almost 12 hours.   Aaaafter wse got checked in, we went to Wal Mart. We did some grocery shopping.    Even getting all our belongings, into the rooms, were hilarious. I will write more tonight. I kept thinking of the times you and I were in these  mountains. I miss you I love you...........BILL-EE

1/24/12

Honey,this has been another stressful day. We got up me, Debbie, Ulmer and Clara. We drank a pot full of coffee, ate cereal. By this time it is o.k.to start getting ready for your brother, Milton's, funeral. Oh Ben that was the hardest thing I ever did. I could only think that it had been 4 months, less a day, since I sat through my Love's funeral. It was an okay funeral, quite different from yours.     The one thing that was the same was Lisa and Ashley singing. They sang "Amazing Grace" and "In the Garden".     They buried him in Shanghia, this is close to Dora. Duane was a pallbearer. after the burial we visited for awhile.    We went by the cemetery, after we stopped to eat, on the way home. I packed a bag and came to Lisa's.   Lisa, Dialyn, Ashley, Rylan, and I are driving to the mountains tomorrow. We will be there through Sunday. I am expecting this to help me immensely. Debbie will be coming up there for the week end. She has been off work for 2 days.   Icy told me now I know how you have felt.     I miss you more than ever. I love you........BILL-EE

1/23/12

Honey, the viewing is over, I did not go up to look at Milton, just couldn't.      I have been busy all day, especially after Janelle and Bro J.C.left. I knew we had to go to the funeral home this afternoon, late.    Four months ago is when you left me. I still miss you, as if it was only yesterday that you left. Maybe some day things will be different. Janelle says it will get better. Just waiting.    Ulmer and Clara are going back home tomorrow after the funeral. They will be back on 31st as Kay is having surgery.    Honey, I love you, sure I always will. These past few days has really been hard. I keep missing and loving you.........BILL-EE

1/22/12

Ben, I'm here. Today has been mostly uneventful. We all got up, got ready for church, after drinking 2 potfuls of coffee we left for Jack's. Ate breakfast then went on to church. We had a good service this a.m. and tonight.      Honey, I have had people around all day yet I still am thinking of you. I still don't really know how I will keep going without you.      After church this a.m., we went to the Wok chinese restaurant for lunch. Ulmer and Clara went over to see Icy. Janelle, Bro J.C. and I came on to the house. I didn't take a nap, except for about 10 minutes. We left going to church at 4:30. After church we went to Dairy Queen, then on home. We have been visiting.      Everyone is in bed except me. I will get to bed within an hour, I hope. The neuralgia has been really bad, especially tonight. I keep thinking about going to visitation for Milton tomorrow evening. I know I am going, I know I have to be strong but oh, how hard this will be. I think I have kept getting more tense just thinking about it all. How I wish you were here with me. I am going to get ready for bed, not before I say, Ben Miller how I do miss you and I love you...............BILL-EE

1/21/12

Oh, Ben, we lost Milton today. Lisa was at the hospital with them yesterday evening. Dale asked her to sing for Milton. Lisa said what do you want me to sing? His reply, "what Ben liked". She sang Amazing Grace for him. Of course she will be singing at the funeral to.      Sis Janelle, Bro J.C. got here this a.m. a little past 9. We had lunch at Arby's. Tonight I took them (Ulmer and Clara) to Logans for a steak dinner. I used your fathers day gift certificate plus to may the bill.      Honey, loosing MIlton breaks my heart. I was really worried about Icy. I called them tonight, talked to June and Icy. They both sounded good. Debbie will be coming up , at least Monday, may be tomorrow. Duane may get to come with her. I hope so.      23rd will be 4 months since you left. It is almost like when we lost Merle and Lynn 3 months to the day.       I am going to get a shower and get to bed. Janelle and J.C, Ulmer and Clara are all already in bed.  Sweetheart I miss you and I love you...........BILL-EE

1/20/12

Honey, here I am again, with pain. Lisa called a little while ago to say Milton probably wouldn't make it thru the night.I already was remembering our days 4 months ago, to hear that is about more than I need. June was getting Icy ready to go to the hospital when I left there today coming home. Clara and Ulmer will be coming down tomorrow. Clara called to tell me that. I am not sure what I should do about Janelle and her husband. He is supposed to preach at the church Sunday. I wish someone was here now, but oh well, what's new.     It is hard for me to write right now. I am thinking of Icy and June and Dale. My heart goes out to them. My own memories are still so fresh. My own pain is still very new to me.       I do know that I miss you much. I prayed for MIlton awhile ago, asking if God would heal him.....do it for you. Honey, I love you more than could ever be said............BILL-EE

1/17/12

Honey, I am home. Ulmer and Clara came down to visit Milton and Icy. I came home, they are spending the night here. You know the Miller House is always open for business.       I sat all day with Icy, June got home around 1 p.m. We three ate lunch, I put the dishes in the dish washer and then spent time with Icy (and June). We really didn't do anything today, mostly , as I already said me and Icy just sat around.        Milton seemed to be doing better today. I haven't seen him. I went to see him last Wednesday and it wasn't a good thing. I really don't plan to visit him until he leaves Princeton. They still don't know where he will be going for rehab.     When I am gone from home for awhile, then get back here, it seems I have to face the same ghost all over again. I think I may have already wrote that in an earlier note.    Whatever. I just know that I miss you and that I love you............BILL-EE

1/15/12

Ben I have never written my note to you this early. I usually like to do it late in the evening or at night. I went to church this a.m., had one get baptized. Everyone is thrilled about that. After church I went with the Honeas' and Moores to the chinese buffet. Bro. Honea's sister is here visiting with the Honea's, so naturally she was with us. We sat at the same table that you, me, David and Bro. Honea sat the last time we went there to eat. I was thinking how your head got cold and you were so ready to get out of there.     I guess I will be going over to stay with Icy for a couple of nights. So after church I will drive there. I promise to be careful. I know how you always were about me driving after dark. The days are getting longer so it isn't dark as early.    I went by the cemetery on my way home. Haven't been able to get a nap and it is about time for church to get started. So I am going to get up from here and get moving. Not before I say I miss you much and Honey I love you...........BILL-EE

1/14/12

Here I am ready to write you another note to tell you that I miss you and that I love you, Honey. The day was cold although I did walk down to the mail box, just some junk that came today. When you don't have bills coming in there is only junk. We have had plenty of that in the past years.      I called the hospital to check on Milton but I never did get anyone. I did not call the house. I don't know who was with Icy today.  I talked to Lisa a little while ago (couple of hours or so) she was going to call Buster. Evidently Milton is doing great. That is very good news.     Believe it or not sister-in-law Clara did not call me today.  You know we never have minded anyone calling.         Yesterday was my sister Ruby's birthday. I thought of her and my other 3 sisters. I still miss them. It would be so nice to have Merle or Lynn to call and talk for hours, as only they could do.       No, I did not do much of anything this day. I did work a few puzzles.      Sister Clara called this afternoon. We talked for awhile. Bro Sammy had to have surgery just before Christmas. She said he went back to work before the dr. told him it was okay, a workaholic is he.      Well I don't have anything to write about today. I can't let a day go by without telling you what is going on with me. I like to tell you, as always, what I am doing but mostly I just want to tell you how much I miss you. Especially I want to say, Honey I love you...............BILL-EE

1/13/12

Today is Friday 13th, Honey you know how careful we always were..haha. No matter what the day or date I miss you. Believe this, I actually got out today. It was brrrr cold, I went by the cemetery, I went to the bank, and then I went to Wal-Mart. I took the telephones back that Dialyn and Glen had given me for my Christmas gift. I liked the ones they gave me just fine. We have to have a wall telephone. I took those back and bought two others, one of them is a wall telephone. I bought detergent and a few other things I needed. I was out of calcium, so I got that. I then stood in line at the check-out. I did good, I did not go to the McDonald's for a mocha although I really did want one. I had thought I would go by Home Plate for a dinner I talked myself out of doing that. I knew I had something at home I could fix and it was very cold. I thank the Lord that the wind wasn't blowing bad when I left Wal-Mart. It started blowing hard when I was at the cemetery so I covered my jaw and got in the car. They have put grass on the gravesite. That is the only green spot in the cemetery. Honey, I wonder will I ever stop missing you? Everyone says I will but I can still see your face so plain and it is still hard to comprehend, you gone. All I do know for a surety is that I still do miss you and I love you and I still miss hearing, I love you from you to me............BILL-EE

1/12/12

Honey, I am late again with writing my note. Not because I haven't been thinking of you. I think of you all the time, you are never far from my mind. Fact is, I didn't do anything to speak of today. I talked to Clara this a.m., called Icy, Buster answered Icy was taking her oxygen treatment. I told him to tell her I called, guess he forgot. I talked to Lisa this afternoon. Nothing else happened, except I worked some puzzles. Actually, Janelle called this a.m. too. They will be coming by for a couple of days next week. I am looking forward to their visit and to her new husband's preaching.  Maybe tomorrow I will be able to get out for awhile. I sure hope so, it is brrr cold today, tonight and most of the next week. Ben Honey, I miss you and I love you..........BILL-EE

1/11/12

I just got home a little while ago. I went to church, after church we stood around visiting. I said I am hungry I am going to get something to eat, David, Jared, Sarah and I went out to get a bite. As usual we sat and talked for awhile. Honey, I went to the hospital this evening to see Milton. It was the wrong thing to do. When I got there I sat in the car for a bit, praying, asking for strength and grace. I knew you would want me to visit him. I could hear how you would be saying, "you need to go up to the hospital to see Milton". Or maybe you would tell me that we, you and I, should go. Like I said it really was a wrong thing for me to do. All the memories of the 5th floor, first Larry but most of all you. I was hurting so bad when I left there, and it started raining hard again, and I really didn't need to be driving. I made it just fine, God was definitely with me. Thought of the old song"Sheltered in the arms of God". I most surely was. I had wanted to go by the cemetery and thought I would make it but it was raining when I left home. It has rained most all day and evening. Icy called around 5, asked me to call her. I think she maybe misses me. I didn't do much today, all the rain, now it is turning  cold again. this Alabama weather!!! Ben I miss you more than I could ever say and I do love you much..............BILL-EE

1/10/12

Another nasty day. I miss you. I can still see your face so plain. Even tho your chair has been moved to another spot, I still can see you sitting in it. These days when it rains so much I can't get out, leastways I don't want to get out in this kind of weather. You would not want me to be out, you would say wait for the weather to clear up. Honey, as you can probably tell I didn't do anything much today. I put on rain boots and a rain coat so I could take the garbage can up by the street. I went out and it was pouring rain. I knew I I would get soaking if I walked just to the street. Needless to say, I didn't get the garbage can anywhere. I talked to Debbie this evening they are fine. Dialyn and Lisa had migraines today. I remember those days when I had migraines, so I do know how they feel. It is still early, wish I had mastered crochet or knitting long ago. When you were with me everything was fine. I always had something to do. I left the lap top at Milton's, so I have to be downstairs to write my note to you. Milton is still in the hospital, they are working to get him well enough to have surgery on the broken hip.Ben, my love, I miss you and I do love you........BILL-EE

1/9/12

Here I am again with my daily note to you, Honey. I got up called Icy. Bethany was with her. I had already got some clothes packed, had my meds all ready to go back over there. I told Bethany for someone to call me when I was needed. I didn't hear from anyone. Lisa called me she had talked to Buster. He said Allen had come up from FL so everything was covered. I have been home all day. It has been another nasty day, supposed to be really bad tomorrow possibly tornadoes. They do come in January, they come in February. My mother was killed February 26th 1958 by a tornado. In a part of the country that had not seen a tornado for 60 years. Who knows? Believe it or not I did make myself a decent meal this evening. I had some of Debbie's chicken tamale pie in the freezer. I thawed it and actually cooked some squash, so I had a decent meal. I have plenty for another meal, I am fixed for another day. I would like to go see Milton, but the weather probably will not allow it tomorrow. I am reading one of the books you liked so well, probably be the last one of this particular books I will read. I am only reading it because you would have liked it. My thoughts are filled with you, it is hard still to think of you gone. I know you are gone from me. I know you can see. I know you can walk, that is my consolation but oh, how I do miss you. I have to amid that sometimes I take advantige of the fact I can leave the house anytime. I leave with a heavy heart whenever I do decide to get out and go. Haven't been going as much lately, because of the neuralgia. I am about to take an aleve again hoping it will help the pain. I miss you Ben Miller, and I love you..........BILL-EE

1/8/12

Honey, I am home now, came home this morning. Missed church, did go tonight. Today is our eldest granddaughter's birthday. Remember that day, we were so excited to become mawmaw and pawpaw. We are mawmaw and pawpaw to nine grandchildren, 12 greats with another great due. Also 2 step greats, we just call them greats. I was glad to get back home. I probably will go back over there to be with Icy. I miss you no matter where I may be. It may look like I am not doing the blog, but I still write each day. Ashley will have to put it on here at a later date. I am doing it on the lap top but have no connection at Milton's. It will have to be taken off the lap top onto this regular blog. I got some laundry done today and put a few things together for next week. I missed getting to the cemetery. I hope the weather will allow me to go by there tomorrow. Not much going on in my life just now. I just sit with Icy, she is worried about Milton, so am I. The neuralgia still acting up guess I need to go to the Dr. again. Not much can be done about it. I believe the Lord will heal. Honey I sure do miss you and I sure do love you.........BILL-EE

1 4/12

Honey, I can't tell you how much I miss you. I am totally lost without you. I think of the times you prayed for me. I believe sometimes when I feel so lost, and say Lord help me, that is when I know He heard your prayers. That is when I lift up my head. Remember the song Bro Honea sings sometimes. If you lift up your head, he will lift up your heart, and your  burdens (sorrows) will all pass away. I wrote a blog already but it did not publish. I don't know what could have happened, I just hope this one will publish. You know I am not too savvy with these things. I plan to go to the Sears Retiree luncheon tomorrow. I will miss you so much but I do intend to keep going to them. I don't have much fellowship, and I do know most of those people now. They call me every month. Debbie called me today, I love to hear from our children. Sometimes the pain is bad, really, when I am thinking of you. The neuralgia was bad again last night, so I didn't sleep very well. Praying I get sleep tonight. Honey, you were my sunshine and oh how I miss you. I love you more than I can say........BILL-EE

1/ 3/ 12

It's still early, it's still cold, I just wrapped the faucet under the car port. I don't know what I would do if they should freeze. I am going to have to use the furnace and gas heater to keep this place from freezing up inside, and me with it. Honey, I went over to the cemetery, didn't stay but a couple of minutes. My jaw started feeling the cold and the pain was going to start up again. I don't feel like I am able to have that severe pain again so soon. Anyway the placque Lisa bought looked good there. Thankful for it. I miss you so, sometimes I wonder how I will make it without you around to call me, to talk to me sometimes, but I do know that I can still look to the hills, which I do.I am writing early so I can get warmed and be ready to go to bed when and if I get sleepy. Of course I think of you and remember so much that went on in our lives. Funny I could read you like a book, yet had no idea you were so sick. You didn't want it known because you were worrying about me. Ben I am trying to take care of myself, you were so afraid I wouldn't. In this   cold weather I know what will happen if I get out in the cold, so I am hanging in the house, mostly. I do feel lonely for you a lot, yet I know that you aren't with me anymore. Your angel is still watching over this home, I believe. I do so little I have nothing much to put in my notes. Sometimes I feel like I want to say, "Ben pray for me" as I used to do. I say again, Honey, I miss you and I love you............BILL-EE

Jan 2, 2012

Ben, I am home again I stayed at theSpences'  last night. I think I already told you that I was going to. The neuralgia was terrible last night. I do know that I have never had such physical pain, for as long as I did last night after I went to bed. No way I could have slept with that pain. I can really thank the Lord because today only once did I have a really bad pain. We didn.t really do anything, it was too cold to get out. I did finally get on the road home, barely made it before dark. Lisa and Chase had been here. Lisa got the maker she had bought for your gravesite. They were going to cemetery to put it down. I didn't get by there today but I know it will look great. I figure that Patterson will probably get the granite down maybe this month, don't really know just how long they will wait before putting it down. As soon as they can get it down they will put the bronze placque on it. Debbie gave me several things, among them an angel, to put on it. I will be glad, but it still caves a little when it rains a lot. Honey, I miss you no matter where I am or who I am with. I guess that will always be so. I know for sure, though that I miss you and I love you so very much.........BILL-EE

Jan 1, 2012

My day has been  busy. I got up at 7:30 am,  got dressed, drove out to the Spences' rode with Dialyn and Glen to Booneville, MS for Janelle Spence's wedding. It was a good day. The wedding was beautiful but short. Janelle had written a song that was sung and it was very appropiate for the wedding. You would have enjoyed the wedding, the song, the seeing Janelle and her kids. We ate at the receptionm we visited with David, Judy, and Jimmie and their families. I got to visit for a few minutes with Janelle. So you can see the day was very nice. I am still at the Spence home, will be spending the night here. My New Year day hasn't been a bad day. We were on the road for about 6 hours maybe longer. The neuralgia has been bad during the day but tonight it is giving me fits, Dialyn gave me a lortab tablet and I am beginning to feel the effects, you know how these things do me. I about decribed my day good.  I missed having you with us but I won't miss telling you I love you much. Oh, yeah I saw the Clenneys at the wedding,  talked with Sis Clenney for a few minutes. the day was good. I love you..........BILL-EE

Dec 31, 2011

Honey, actually it is already 2012. I went to church at 9pm, we had a great, took communion, then went to fellowship hall and ate bacon, sausage, eggs, grits, gravey biscuits, flap jacks, fruit, all kinds of jellies, syrup, lots of food. The neuralgia (not spelled correctly) is really hurting. I hope to be able to sleep tonight, I hurt last night and couldn't sleep. Glen came over today and fixed the commode, he and Dialyn helped me get the decorations to the shed. I got eggies for Christmas, tried it this afternoon, works fine. Honey, this is my first New Year's eve and day without you in 60 years, I had to scream a bit tonight because I miss you so much. I have been hurting so bad, the jaw, I cannot think straight so I am going to say I miss you I love you..........BILL-EE