2/29/12

This was a leap year, 29 days in Feb. Let me say a little about my day, but first I want to say passing the cemetery even at 10 o'clock sometimes is rough.      I left the Haynes' this a.m. about 10 0'clock got home at 10:30. I fixed breakfast and ate. Then, of course I had a time of devotion.        I thought about going back to bed but decided against that. I looked at FaceBook. I wanted to check to see if anything new on Baby Jace. I folded some of Allison's clothes she had washed. I finally ate a little bit again. I even got the kitchen and a bathroom mopped. I read another few chapters in the Bible. My day was nothing much to talk about. I really would like to try to start getting out again, gas keeps going higher & higher. I don't want to do so much, because of gas prices. Also. what does one do? I can't afford to get out and spend money. Honey, I am not complaining just stating the facts. Talking about how my days without you are. I would really love to have you here to take care of. Seems like I was so busy most of the time.      I enjoyed my meal with the Haynes', baked spaghetti, garlic bread. The prayer meeting was like old days at Bible Tabernacle, I enjoyed that, too. I saw Janet Williamson there, been a long time since I had seen her. I guess 2001 conference. My days are nothing to talk about but I can truthfully say I miss you, I love you...............BILL-EE

2/28/12

Honey, I am writing you a quick note early this day. I am about to leave here, I am going to Lisa's and Harold's. I will eat supper with them and go to prayer meeting with Lisa.      I am not feeling too well right now. For some reason I got really tired and I have a back ache. I had intended to go by the cemetery before I left for their house but it had rained. So that is not going to be today. I did one load of laundry, dried them, folded everything and put it all away. Except for up and down the stairs I don't know why I feel so tired.     Honey, I miss you and I can truthfully say I love you...............Short note, but I need to get on the road. I remember how you would "fuss" when I went out in rain. The road will be busy.... Love you.......BILL-EE

2/27/12

Honey, today I took the small wheeled, wheel chair over to Icy. Even Dale seemed to be glad of it. It is so much easier to handle. I can't say it was an easy thing, After I got in the shed and started out with it, I felt more lonely than ever. You and I trying to get out the door, you in that wheel chair. We always managed altho it really wasn't an easy chore, we did it. I was always so proud of us. Icy has the chair now, I told her just think about Ben when you are in the chair. She said "I know that I will".       Other than going to Homewood I didn't do anything. Just my normal, reading a devotion, reading in my Bible, saying a prayer. Okay tomorrow I will have laundry to do. I usually do that on Mondays. I had promised Icy, so I took care of that chore today.        I really got a good night's sleep last night. I got in bed at 11:15 p.m. didn't wake up at all until 6:00 a.m. That was a big plus for me.     Today I got another letter about reverse mortgages. I thought maybe I really should look into that. Then I remembered what you had to say about that and put the thought out of my head.        Honey, I do get lonely sometimes. I really would enjoy company, guess that won't ever be at this house. Like always, what's new? I am o.k. with it as it is. I miss you, I miss fixing your food, I miss not having a lot of laundry to do, I just plain miss our lives together. I love you...........BILL-EE

2/26/12

Well, time again to write a note. I want to say up front that I miss you Ben Miller. Last night one of those "can't sleep" nights. Jaw hurting, up and down until about 4 0'clock. I was afraid I may over sleep. I woke the first time at 8 0'clock a.m. Dozed for another 30 minutes then up. Got ready for church, stopped at Arby's for coffee and breakfast. Couldn't eat much, I had been nauseous all night.     We had a great service this a.m. As we were getting ready to leave, Sis Moore, collapsed. 911 was called, the ambulance came and took her to UAB West hospital. She didn't have to be admitted. She was dehydrated, had kidney infection.       Sis Honea was at church today. I sure have missed her, so glad to see her. She is doing better. Working to loose weight, don't need any more heart attacks.      We had another good time tonight. Bro Honea preached the kind of sermon you, Ben Miller,  always enjoyed. It was still early when we dismissed (one baptized in Jesus Name). A sister had brought red beans and rice with cornbread. It was delicious.      Jared and I had gone out to the hospital after church, we ate lunch in the cafeteria.        This afternoon I came home after lunch, slept for an hour or so. I wanted to go by the cemetery, but was going to be late for church, so didn't stop.     I thought of you most all day. I miss you all the time and honey, I love you.........BILL-EE        

2/25/12

This month has only a few days left in it. I have been thinking, tomorrow 2/26 will be 54 years since my mother was killed by a tornado. What an awful day that had been. Especially that evening, all the crank phone calls. That was the reason I tried to tell our children not to make those stupid calls. One never knows what a person is going through. I asked you to please answer the phone, although I was closer to it. Funny, how those kind of memories are always so very vivid. I knew by the way you answered the phone that something bad was wrong. I thought something had happened to your mom. I got out of bed, went to you and asked you what has happened to you mom. your answer, "not my mom, yours, she is dead."  Why am I writing this tonight? Honey, I suppose your death has caused all the deaths to be more vivid. After all, that was a long time ago. Yet I remember every tiny detail. Today has not had a lot happening. I thought Bro Honea was going to get here to fix the shower, else I would not have stayed home today. It was a cool day but so beautiful. You and I thought every day was beautiful. We had each other and we were happy knowing that. Honey, I miss you and I love you..........BILL-EE

2/24/12

Another windy (cold) day. I got a good nights sleep, praise the Lord.     I dusted the living room today, and put down the roomba to vacumn. Honey, I have missed you terribly.    Allison and I went over to the car wash, to wash the car. We stopped by the cemetery. I went to the grave site. I had to say it is still so hard, at times,  for me to think you gone. Guess that is because I don't want you gone.      Five months ago, our four children, your youngest  brother, his wife, and I went to the funeral home. Got all the arrangements made. Lisa called LaCole Florist, asked her to stay late so we could select flowers, since it was Saturday. All my family (Etta Mae's) children came up Saturday evening and Sunday Morning. Donnie came on up on Friday. He stayed the week. He cooked our breakfast most every morning. I don't know if I should talk about all this or not, but it does seem to help me cope with it all. Honey. I miss you and I love you more than I could ever say...........BILL-EE

2/23/12

Honey, I started thinking, last night, about 9/22. The evening I took you to the ER. I was thinking about you and me there all night. Finally about six, on the morning of the 23rd, when we knew for sure that you would be admitted. They admitted you to the 5th floor, I was really beside myself. You see, I was told when they put Larry on that floor, that it was the floor for people they aren't expecting to live for long. I was so happy when Lisa got there, then Dialyn came in. I was not alone anymore. Fay and Bryon had come in for awhile. Honey I watched your blood pressure dropping. I watched them give you some kind of medication hoping to get the blood pressure normal. I watched you, I begged you not to leave me. I finally decided not to stick around they were doing something. I heard you, you wanted to be left alone. Soon after I left the room, you decided this is it, no more. I still miss you so, and Honey I still love you. Guess I will always have an ache in my heart. I truthfully am so thankful for our years as husband and wife. I am thankful for the years I had to take care of you. Whatever I did, or said, I was only trying in a feeble way to help you. I would have cared for you, or died trying. I loved you then, and I love you now...........BILL-EE

2/22/12

I haven't been home long. After church I went by Arby's got  myself a chicken sandwich and curly fries. I am drinking gatorade. After I ate, I changed into my pj's now I am writing a note to you, my darling.       We listened to a tape tonight. It was one of Bro Mangum's preaching. It was very interesting. It was on prayer. Today was another one of the lazy days. I really don't have enough to do. I wondered why was I always so busy? One thing I know, I always needed to do laundry. You were needing me quite often. I usually would get so tired. You were telling me constantly to lie down and rest.       Our lives, mostly, were very orderly. I am an orderly person. You know me, if I need something when I am finished with whatever I use, I put it back where I got it from.     Honey, I do miss you constantly. It is so hard to think you are gone from me. I love you, and how I wish I could hear you calling my name.      I tried to listen to the tape that I played over a couple of times a week for you. Guess what, it was not understandable. I will have to toss it I suppose but I sure do hate to do that. You had listened to it 9/20/11. That is when I heard you asking the Lord to come on and get you. You said you were ready to go. You also said you were tired. I have to think of that when my missing you seems unbearable. Ben Miller, I miss you and I love you............BILL-EE

2/21/12

It is nice being home. I enjoyed the time with Linda, Carla, Lonnie,& Donnie. I had a good conversation with Vivian. Didn't get to see her. Hope next time, maybe the weather will be better.    Of course I missed you while I was gone. I miss you so much now. It is still the same, gone for a few days, come home and face the ghosts, of the past, all over again. Really is not such a bad thing. They, the ghost, are always there.        I have no trouble seeing your face, in my mind. I think of how you looked when you were ready to eat a meal. I see your face, how it was when you were listening to the gospel music. I see how you were as you would begin to worship the Lord, as the singing was going on. I can clearly see, how it was, when you would start down the stairs to go out to the car. How you would look getting in or out of the car.     Honey, our lives were not easy. Especially hard on you, because of the blindness. I can truly say that you were a real trooper after the surgery. Even though you only had a little sight, you never complained. I keep wondering why last year was so hard on you, the blindness had finally caused you problems. You all of a sudden seemed to hate the blackness you lived in. It all could crush me. I don't know why I couldn't get stronger. Goodness I took a step every time you did, then I had my own steps I had to take. One would think that all the busyness of my life would have strenghtened me. Whatever, Honey, I miss you and I love you............BILL-EE

2/(18,19)/20/12

Ben honey, we made it to MS. got there a few minutes past nine on Friday.   ( Saturday)  During the night it started raining, no it was pouring. Linda had to go to work Sat. a.m. She left us at her house. Kai had gone home with Donnie. Donnie bought us breakfast from Hardie's.    Carla called said she would have home made soup at one 0'clock. Dialyn and I waded water and went to the Rogers home. Got there at one, Donnie and Kai came in a little later. We all had soup, corn bread, peach cobbler, and cake. I finally had got coffee too.     Later in the evening all us girls went to Wal Mart, met up with Linda. We went to the Meican cafe to eat then on home. It was still raining.        (Sunday) We got up, Linda fixed breakfast. She went to church,  me and Dialyn went back to sleep. Kai stayed at the Rogers' Saturday night. I slept until Linda came in from church...still raining.      Linda started cooking, we had ham, green limas'. some kind of peas, turnips, sweet potatoes. Carla brought some of her great tasting corn bread. How I did eat, it was all so good. Honey, you would have loved it all, but especially the sweet potatoes (fried). Dialyn and I did go out to the cemetery. I took some flowers and put them in with Linda's bouquets. We visited some more, Dialyn went to the store bought ice cream. Me, her, and Linda ate it. Kai had gone back to Donnie's.        Today, Monday, Donnie called said he was going, with Kai, to the little cafe for  breakfast. Dialyn went up to meet them. They brought the food back to Linda's, we ate. Melisha came over and we visited for awhile. Donnie had to go to Laurel to pick up his meds. We got ready, loaded up and headed home.      I drove to Meredian, we stopped there at Logan's and ate steak.   Then on home. We stopped by the cemetery on the way home. It ws dark but with our little lights we made it to your gravesite. I was so happy to be home. I had missed writing you a note every day. I missed you, as I always do, and honey I love you........BILL-EE

2/17/12

Honey, I don't believe I've written a note in the middle of the afternoon before. Dialyn and I are leaving for MS a little past 4 0'clock this evening. I was afraid I wouldn't get a chance to write later.        I have been busy today. You know me I like to leave everything in order when I am away from home. I want to come back in to an orderly place. Of course Allison and Kamilah will be here so........         I am looking forward to being in MS for a couple of days. Been awhile. Me and the girls went down last June for Jimmy's funeral. That is always different than just going for a visit.        Honey, I will be missing you, no matter where I am. I actually have been thinking of a time you and I were there. Linda, myself, and my cousin went to have lunch in town. Jimmy I thought would be with you but he left the house and you stayed by yourself. You could still see a little but I would have been on pins and needles had I known that. I love you dearly, Ben Miller..........BILL-EE

2/16/12

Can't believe February is already half over. Where does time go? I spend it all missing you, thinking of you, and of our days together. We had quite a few days together, thank God for them all.     I didn't do anything today worth talking about. In fact I hardly did anything. I am about to pack my clothes, get a shower, wash my hair. I need to do something worthwhile, I guess.      Me and Allison are doing fine , she is living here now. Moved in the end of January. She is still in school.       I started reading the Bible through, again, this year. I have read four and third books old testament and three new testament books so far. It is a very interesting book, I hate I didn't get to read it through to you. The little power of prayer book I read to you last year is a very gook little book.        Honey, I do miss you and I love you...........BILL-EE

2/15/12

Finally I am sitting down at the computer. Today I visited Icy, went over there about 1 0'clock and stayed until past 6. I left there went to church, went to eat after church. I drank a banana split from Sonic. Needless to say it was close to 10 when I got home. Allison was very talkative tonight. She didn't have home work to do, I think she wanted to have a different than usual evening. Now she is going to get in bed early for a change.     Icy seems to be doing good. Dale, June and Allen have been getting her out some. She enjoys that. I plan to take the small wheel wheelchair over there next time I go. June took her out and that big wheelchair was hard for her to handle, Icy said.     Of course, we talked about you honey, and Milton. They had cleaned up Milton's boxes, the ones that he had by his chair. Icy said it was amazing what all that man in the boxes.     More and more I realize how very much alike you and that brother were. I always knew that y'all were alike in a lot of ways. A for instance, Milton was always right, too. Guess that is why you two could argue as you did. Y'all did love to visit with each other though.    I think about alot of things now. Things with me and you. Things I don't really want to think about, like how you wanted to go see Milton. I had told you I was going to take you over there and he could sit in the car with you so y'all could visit. Oh honey, I wish we could have done that before 9/23. Now you both are gone. Icy misses Milton and honey I miss you more than I can say also Honey I love you.............BILL-EE

2/14/12

Honey, Allison and I drove by the cemetery. We both wound up crying, talking about how much we miss you. I had thought about getting balloons for today, to put at the grave site. Then I thought about what your reaction would be, so I just forgot that deal!!!     You were always something else. You would say oooh this fish only cost hundred or two dollars, per pound, but just let me say let's go to an expensive restaurant. We may go (sometimes, rarely) but not before you would read me all the reasons why we shouldn't., mainly money. That is who my Ben was. I loved my Ben, though. Your reasoning was a-o.k. always.     Allison and I went shopping today. I actually bought myself a suit, 2 skirts, and a jacket. Allison bought several items also. Then we went grocery shopping.  That is the way you would want me to do. You always wanted me to do something for me. I usually wouldn't, but you were o.k with me getting out as much as possible.       I do miss you, every day I think of something else I miss about you. Even watching you climb the stairs. I plain and simply miss everything about you, about our lives together. Ben Miller, I love you.........BILL-EE

2/13/12

So many things I wish I could "hash over" with you. I loved the wisdom you had, even if I did try to change your mind (lots). It was usually going to be the way you said.      It is still very cold. Lot of folks is talking about the fact it is sleeting. I don't see any, but Allison said it was sleeting or raining here. I only went out today to get the mail. Couldn't tell anything about what is going on when I looked out the door. I did 2 loads of clothes today, made my bed, that is about all. Of course I folded and hung the clothes, all put away now. I wanted to shop tomorrow. I have a gift certificate Jennifer and Barry gave me at Christmas. It is time to buy myself something.       I am going to find a nice card to send to Shirley Honea. I do miss seeing her. She didn't get to church at all last week. She was quite sick, didn't get out of hospital until last Wednesday. Naturally she won't be able to be in church for awhile.      My days sometimes sounds boring, even to me. I am just going to say honey, I miss you and honey, I love you...........BILL-EE

2/12/12

I am home from church, It is still cold, cold out there. I did bundle up good before I went out. Not about to let cold keep me from going to church. We never did. not even when there was snow on the ground. Those were good days, how thankful we were. Proverbs 14:12 and 16:25says: There is a way which seemeth righteous unto a man., but the end thereof are the ways of death. We changed our way of thinking. Our way of what was we saw as fun, would reap only death, and it really was not fun at all. Finally we had found a way of no condemnation. Jared preached on those scriptures tonight. So happy we found a way to truly "have fun". I know you were happy, too. We had found a way, through a savour, whose blood washes whiter than snow.    I really miss you alot at church. Hearing you say "time to quit singing and let the preaching begin".     The day was cold, but the sun was shining so bright and beautiful.    Today we ate at a new restaurant (japanese). Not much different than the chinese, more expensive though. You would have never eaten there if you knew the cost. I can hear you now. Oh but I loved you, no matter. I miss you more instead of less, and I love you....because you were you..........BILL-EE 

2/11/12

I was going to be real smart today Honey. I finally got dressed, warm I thought. I had my hat on my head. Put my warm boots on. Got that heavy long leather coat on. I was ready to go. Brrr, it was so cold. Okay I will go by the post office, by the cemetery, and go on to Wal-Mart. Well I did get to the cemetery, if only for a minute. I did get the mail in the post office; I chickened out when it came to going to Wal-Mart. I got myself back home.     We aren't used to this extermely cold weather. We have been having spring like weather. Actually the pear trees had started budding. That's how warm it has been. Today strictly winter time again.       Honey, I have been thinking of the time you fell. I heard the plunk, looked up, you were sitting up then you fell back down. By the time I got to you, oh my, all I could think at first is stroke. You started making this strange noise, I got down over you and prayed. I then grabbed the phone and called 911. By that time I was sure you had a seizure.     We went to the Dr. next day. You wouldn't go to the ER, although the Sylvan Springs medics (2 of them) and the guys on the ambulance tried to make you go. After the scan, we had to go back to Dumas office, I remember how scared I was because of what the radiologist told me. Dr. Dumas said there is a bruise on the head but we will watch it. I'll give you something for pain, just in case. All I could think was God heard my prayer that night and you were allright. Another one of our many blessings. I know it was your only seizure, and I forever could thank God for that.      Just what I have been thinking about today.  I miss you and Ben Miller I love you.............BILL-EE

2/10/12

If I ever had a total wasted day, I think this was it.    Honey, I miss you. Today I was thinking of so many things that happened in our lives.    Some days I think of when I met that good looking sailor. I can't say that I was exactly over whelmed by you. I did always think you were exceptionally handsome. You were neat. That raven black wavy hair. Your cousins were determined you and I should be a couple. I really wasn't too interested in that. I had several boy friends at the time I met you.     I do remember I got angry when I received the first letter from you. I told my mom that guy has no business calling me honey. I think I was disappointed the letter wasn't from who I thought.    I remember how we used to laugh at the fact you said you wrote the exact same letter to another girl. Of course, you didn't tell me that until after we were married.       I never regretted marrying the sailor boy.     We talked lots about the four beautiful children God blessed us with. We talked of all the many blessings we had over the span of almost 61 years. Remembering the blessings of those near 61 years, helps to keep me going.    I miss you. I love you..........BILL-EE

2/9/12

Wow!! It is cold , looks like winter has hit us again. Debbie and Tot got here around 10 a.m. as she said. Tot got the rails and left for the river, where his dad and uncle live.    Debbie and I sat in the kitchen for awhile, "just jawing". That is one of your famous sayings.    We finally got up and went shopping for an hour or so. Then we ate a late lunch. We came on home, after a stop by the cemetery. When we got home, Tot had just got back here. They left, after 30 minutes or so.    It was an extremely nice day. The sun was shining so brightly, the wind was blowing, and it was cold. I enjoyed the day immensely. Don't know when I may see one of the girls again.     I was telling Debbie when we were at the cemetery about some of the things I would think about. I mean things about you.     It was a fun day, been a long time since we had shopped. Least ways since I had shopped. Got a jacket, a skirt, and even a pair of shoes.You would have been so proud that I had a chance to get out like that. Honey that's just one of the things that made you.....you. I do miss you and I do love you..............BILL-EE  

2/8/12

Honey it has turned cold again, like suddenly. I went to Captain D's with David and his kids after church. When we left out of the Little Fish place, it was so cold!!!!! The cold air hit my face and by the time I got to the car my jaw was hurting, ugh!!. When I got home I took an aleve. I sure am hoping it will help stop the pain. I do know cold air will cause the neuralgia to hurt, like blazes.     Debbie left a message. She and Tot will be here in the a.m.about 10 a.m. Looking forward to the time with her. Hoping we can have lunch with Lisa and maybe Dialyn. Will have to wait to see about that.        I was reading something today about people about to die. It was how they would like to be cuddled. Funny, I thought, because how many times I have thought I wish I had crawled in that bed and stayed there with you. I do know that when the medic from Sylvan Springs got to the house I was holding you close to me. I said I wish I could do more, you answered "just hold me". So much to remember, seems we had so little time. After we left the ER, got to the 5th floor, so little time. I love you and I am happy for all the memories. Sometimes it seems the heart never stops hurting. Missing you so much and wish I could hold you again and again say to you, I love you Ben Miller.........BILL-EE

2/7/12

Honey, you are so missed.     I read the book we hadn't read. We would probably have read it that week end. At least I like to think we would have. As westerns go, it wasn't bad. You would have enjoyed it. One of J.A. Johnstone's books. You always did like William W's books.    Not much doing around here today. I did get up and I actually cooked bacon, eggs, grits, biscuits and ate some of sis Sellers pears. Not bad for me, I only do that about every third week.       Debbie called she may get to come down Thursday for the day. Tot is going to get the rails, take them to his dad's and uncle's. So she is going to try to get down with him. Hope she gets to.     I am still reading the little devotion book you and I read last year. I do that in the mornings after I eat breakfast. I enjoy reading it, then read scriptures. I had planned to read through the Bible to you this year. I am still going to read it through again. I have read 3 old testament books and 2 new testament books. That is time well spent.      I am going to call Icy then I will shampoo my hair.  Trying to get in bed before one o"clock. Still going for eleven.       So much I miss. Your not being here. I miss the trips getting you to the bath room, fixing your food, so many things. You are missed, I love you......................BILL-EE

2/6/12

Just look, already into February.     Honey, I went by the cemetery again today.    I had to go to the bank and had planned to go to Winn-Dixie to get some butter milk, small one. I had cooked beans and wanted to bake some cornbread.     After I left the bank, I put my deposit slip in my purse and lo, I had picked up the wrong purse, no wallet, no money, no milk.       I did have cornbread (mayonnaise). It was good, I remembered I had tried that for us a few times.    It hasn't been the best of days today. I did get the kitchen mopped, I didn't do much of anything else except go to the bank.       I do need to call Icy again, she seemed to be doing better than I would have thought.       I spend time with the Halls, as you and I did. Sometimes we talk, about Jan and you. I have even wondered if maybe you have seen her yet. Funny, how sometimes one will think of these things.     When I sat down to write I looked at the calendar and noticed it was still showing January. I probably will have lots of corrections to make.       Allison wants to use my computer and printer tonight for doing some school work. I will go so she can use it, not before I say I miss you and I love you..............BILL-EE

2/5/12

I just got home from church. There was a lot of left overs, from the banquet last night. We feasted after church on them.      Honey, last night I was haunted again . Our last night, before I took you to the hospital. I can't seem to get away from that night. It mostly seems kind of fuzzy, in my mind. It is, scary almost at times.  I have missed you so much. Seems when I begin to feel "haunted" that I miss you even more.      I got by the cemetery again today. It was very windy, so I didn't try to stay long.     Today about half of our little church went to the Cracker Barrel for lunch. An old friend saw us, we talked a while and he left. After we got seated he came back in, had a cup of coffee, and chatted with David Hall and Brenda Webb. He left ahead of all us, we found out he had paid for all our lunchs.     Allison finally got moved in. She has got everything put away. She has been studying for the past few days.     Ben, honey, I miss you and I love you.     What more can I say?    Except...........BILL-EE           Thanks for the many prayers you prayed for me.      Love you.

2/4/12

Honey, I just got home, I went to the valentine banquet at the church. It was nice, the food was good. Good fellowship time.     I finally got to the cemetery again. I got all ready to go yesterday, went outside to get in the car and it wasn't just raining, it was pouring.      I wanted to take something with me this time. I found the clown. I had bought the clown for Hamp years ago. Anyway I filled it quite full with marbles, screws, and such, then I packed it with plastic. Wanted to make it heavier. The clown looks like he is crying. I made it there stayed awhile and left. It started raining before I had driven a mile. Tell me my GOD isn't good.     Lisa was sick a couple of days this week. She had to go to the Dr. for some tests. I am praying for her health. I haven't talked to Debbie this week, but I am sure they are all fine.     Bro Honea was sick tonight. He was at the banquet for a little while but he had to go home.      I always think of you so much, you loved these kind of things. Remembering our first years in the church. We had such a good time, with the young people or any kind of church gathering. We always had quite a great time when in church, too.       I was out until 10'oclock, don't scold, I am always careful.      Honey, I love you..........BILL-EE

2/3/12

Ben, today I got to thinking about places we lived. We averaged moving every year until we bought our first house.      Mostly I was thinking of that big old house on Martin avenue. Both of us and all our 4 children always declared it to be our very happiest home. We had already started going to church. Our lives had changed immensely. We didn't make a big change just because someone told us to. We changed because we never felt good about ourselves doing and acting as we did beforehand.      Martin Avenue house was so near to the church, friends from church were always dropping in. Our house was always a place of welcome. How many Friday nights did we have the young people at our house? We played games, ate sloppy dogs (bet I have done more sloppy dogs than anyone else). It was truly a home, some called it the Miller cafe, or the Miller Coffee shop. Honey, memories cannot be taken from us. Truly, we made memories, you and I, our children, and our church. Our home, yours and mine, was always a place of welcome, even though when we moved alot changed. People saw us as too far away so we didn't have many people, not even our children anymore. Not our fault, we only moved, we never moved the welcome sign.    Just thinking some about our lives, about our home. Thinking how very much God blessed us. We talked about our great blessings and was thankful to our GOD for everything. I miss you but am so thankful to have good memories. Ben Miller I love you............BILL-EE

2/2/12

Here I am again. Still coughing, jaw still hurting. Still don't know which way to turn, most of the time. That's because you left me, you could always tell me.    You would be angry right now. Benny Hinn is saying there is 9 gods. Our god according to him was 1 person, Jesus was 1 person, Holy Ghost was 1 person. That makes 3 didn't find out who the other 6 were. God is Spirit!!!! not a person. I can already imagine what you would have to say to that. We always knew, even before we knew anything, that there were many gods, but only one spirit.....God.    Oh, well daily there are people trying to deny God. They work hard to disprove the Bible is the word, it has been around for many many years. Satan has tried to disprove God since the Garden of Eden. Too many things in the word has been stated in history as true.  It would be nice to believe that God, as we know Him, is not real or would it? Nope for not too many. I love knowing when I have been wrong, knowing to repent, or maybe apology. Well enough said!!!! I will say this as I do each and every day Honey, I miss you and oh how I love you............BILL-EE 

2/1/12

Honey, I miss you. Today I was thinking about how I would walk into the living room, plop down on your knees, and feel your arms slip around me. I really miss those things. I miss hearing you say, you need to lie down for awhile and rest. Maybe I would tell you I had already lay down for awhile. You would always answer with "that's o.k. you can lie down again". I was just talking to your bro Ulmer about your telling me to rest. He said you knew that I was tired. Honey, did you really know how tiring it was, at times moreso, to try to take as good care as I wanted to of you? I think about how tiring it had gotten for us both. I feel angry at me sometimes, for getting so tired. You do know whatever I did or didn't do I was always thinking of you. I only wanted to help you. That was always first and foremost in my mind. I still sometimes have a hard time thinking that you left me.......but for a much better place. Thank you for praying for me, as you did last year. Sometimes it is those prayers that carries me through the day.  I miss you and I miss hearing your "I love you"..............Ben I love you.............BILL-EE