I have been busy, kind of, today. Clara called this a.m.. and told me that Icy was in the hospital. I called June and talked to her. I showered, shampooed my hair, did some vacuuming, and other chores. I got ready to go to the hospital. That was a very hard thing for me. I had just seen Icy last Friday and I felt like she may not be with us for long. Walking down the hall of that hospital was such a hard thing for me. I have made so many walks down those halls. Only ten months ago with my dear husband, for the last time. (I cannot begin to say how many times he was in that hospital.) Then his oldest brother only four months later and now Icy. Feels like 1997 all over, only worse, because one of these was the most wonderful man who ever lived. One I miss so terribly much and Honey, I love you....................BILL-EE

I stopped at the cemetery again. I really did want to just lay down there beside your grave and stay for....how long? I knew I could not do that, also I realize that is not healthy thinking. As I stood there I wondered what did you pray when you prayed for me and our children. I regretted, again, even tho you told me to go on and soak my toes, what would you have said to me.        I felt proud of myself by the time I got home because I listened to the cd "I Can Only Imagine". That was a plus for me. Some exciting things happened to me today. I won't try to write it all down. It is the kind of thing that would have kept us talking for awhile.         Debbie called this evening, before I got home. I called her back and we had a good conversation. She is going to a surgeon tomorrow. She had to go to ER Sunday with pain. They found gall stones but don't think that was the reason for the pain. She will be okay. Supposed to call me after she has seen the doctor.          It is getting late, I need to get ready to get in bed. I am trying to go to bed earlier these days. I don't know how it will work out, I still am awake at midnight, even tho I go to bed early. I miss you and I love you..........BILL-EE

I just got home about three minutes ago. After church me and Sis Honea went to Dairy Queen. We ate and then had a small blizzard, and talked. When it is just the two of us we can really talk. We talk about olden times at Bible Tabernacle but mostly about all the Lord is doing for us at Deeper Life. Tonight after we left out of the Dairy Queen we stood by our cars and talked for another thirty minutes or so. It was so good for me. It has been a long while since I have had anyone to talk to like that.         It seems on Sundays I am in church all day. I leave the house abou nine forty or so. I pick up the lady I give a ride to, we are at the church around ten or so. After church, I take her home, go to eat, come home take a short nap and go back to church again. My Sundays are full, if no other day is.       Today I came by the cemetery, it was hot, I leaned on the dogwood tree, in the shade, and talked to my husband. I can tell you things that I can't tell anyone else.I tell you how I miss you, I tell you how I feel about being alone so much, and everything else that I think or feel. I tell you that I love you, I tell you thanks for praying for me and our children. As always I say Lord if he can't hear me please will you tell him I love him. I love you...........BILL-EE

Today was busy. I left home about ten thirty or eleven o'clock this a.m. I went to New Life Church where Lisa and Ashley were helping a friend decorate. I didn't do much to help, I watched them work. They worked for a few hours, then everyone went home for an hour or so. I went to Lisa's. Later we went back to the church for a graduation party. It was fun.         One of Lisa's long ago friends, who lives in Texas, was in Birmingham. Lisa was so excited getting to see her again. They have been friends since early 80's. I enjoyed seeing her again, too. Meeting two of her children and her husband. That made the evening even nicer. Lisa had invited them to come to the party.          I am home (alone) as always. I started back to Lisa's for awhile but changed my mind. Had stopped at Publix to get a few items, while waiting for them I changed my mind and came on home.          How to answer all the people who will ask me (always) how are you doing? What do I say, I think of my husband almost constantly. Thinking of him now, but I'll say I am doing o.k. I am not being untruthful, I call myself doing o.k. all the time. I have to be doing o.k. I won't try to explan my true feelings, besides well. I only know that I am always missing you and that I love you, Ben Miller............BILL-EE

My heart is heavier than ever this evening. I finally got to visit Icy, she doesn't look good at all. I could only think of when I first saw Milton after Ben's death. Makes me even more thankful for knowing where I can go to find help,some comfort, and to know that I can make it with the Lord;s help. Otherwise I, too, would be like she is. Of course, she is 10 years older and her health is worse then mine. She just hasn't been able to find peace of any kind.         I am writing early this evening, I may go over to Lisa's. Just thinking about it for now. Toshea did tell Lisa to invite me to her sons after graduation party so I know if nothing happens I will go over there tomorrow. Give me something to do, people to see, etc.       When I think about how much I miss you, and go to Milton's and Icy's and find out how much I miss Milton, makes it harder to go to their house. They have around-the-clock help with Icy now. Wouldn't I be in a pickle, if I didn't know God and His mercies?          I miss you and I love you............I am writing again. All evening I have been thinking of all the many phases I have gone through in the past ten months. There has been many, and also many different thoughts. Sometimes thinking why get up? I can just not get up. Then I would begin to think of maybe there is a reason to get up, I still can't say. Thoughts of, well I won't say anymore.        I started writing this blog ten months ago. I knew I was going to have to do something, no, Honey, maybe you were never going to read this, yet I knew right away I had to have some kind of outlet. So I do, and have done, this for Billie. I needed some thing for me, to keep me traveling on. I knew that is what you would want me to do. I stopped by the cemetery. I have done that lots. So I talk to you there, I tell you my thoughts, I tell you how I miss you, I tell you that I love you. Just in case you don't hear me I ask the Lord to please say these things for me, to you. Guess I have alot more I could say but I will say I can't see the page to well right now, I will end again with I love you......................BILL-EE

Ten months ago I watched them lower you into the ground. I felt that now my life is ended, Lord help me. I still have my life, it didn't end, sometimes it feels as if it is standing still. So I am still saying, Lord help me.        I woke this a.m. at four thirteen, did not get back to sleep 'til past eight. I took about a fifteen minute nap today.        Bro. Honea called me and said he had taken Vickie to ER. He didn't get back home until past five this evening, he had taken Zoey to his house. After church I took Zoey home and checked on Vickie. My intentions had been to go by the cemetery but it was too dark for that. I felt bad that I did not go by, but I know what you would have said about my decision to check on Vickie.     Of course, as is true every day I have been alone today. Dialyn and Lisa called me otherwise I haven't talked to anyone, except someone with VA called this morning. The guy in Birmingham VA called but I had already left the house when he called.        Ben Miller, my honey, I can't explain how I feel. Thankful that I am still able to take care of me. Though not very good. I know I don't half eat as I should but I am trying, as I know you would want me to do. Sometimes, most of the time I kind of feel blah. Mostly like what do I do next.         This week I have hugged your jacket tightly, this a.m. I sat in your chair. I still feel lost and so alone. I do still remember to look to the Hills, where comes my help. I miss you I love you...........BILL-EE

Again, I just got home. I took Alisha home. I had not found where David and Sarah would be going to eat. As I drove by Krystal I noticed a black truck, then I thought that I saw Sarah. I started on home, but then I turned around and went back. I was right that is where they were. We ate, and now I am home. It is getting late and I want to be real sleepy when I go to bed. I keep thinking of ten months ago and knowing that even after ten months nothing has changed, I still miss you as much as ever and I still love you........BILL-EE

Just got home from church. After prayer meeting we all went to Pizza Hut. They had their buffet. I ate a salad, baked spaghetti, pizza, and the sweet cakes. It was a nice time, except Aubrey was a litle wild.      Today was a very ordinary day for me. I plan to try to go visit Icy for a little while tomorrow, if she feels like having company.         I kept thinking about what 9/24 was like for me. The only thing I can remember well about that day was being at the funeral home, the florist, and checking to see if the funerals we paid for years before, if anything was covered. What else happened, I do not know. That was a very stressful day. I am missing you as usual and I love you..........BILL-EE

I have written well over 300 notes to you. Looking back over them I find some of them to be boring. Others of them I find that crushes my heart over and over, as if it doesn't crush all over again each day.        I really do think many times, is it possible that I am not letting you rest in peace? I do not know I only know that I miss you and that I love you.         Ten months ago today I was totally oblivious to about everything except the fact that the wonderful man I had spent most of my life with had gone from me. I felt (still do feel) totally lost, not knowing what to do with myself or what to do about the things that need to be taken care of. This time each month I feel more alone than ever. Thinking of all the things that had to be done and thinking that you were gone from me forever. My consolation is always knowing that you had a great love for our Lord, and that now you are not blind and you can walk as you once did. I came by the cemetery today. I did a load of laundry. Nothing else much did I do.         Janelle and J.C. left out early this a.m. They always get up and slip out, trying not to disturb me.        I hate being alone today and tonight but I will hang in there "like an old rusty fish hook" your famous words.     I love you and I miss you.........BILL-EE

Ten months ago, tonight was your last night on this earth. It was about this time when I went upstairs, for the last time, that night. You were still awake, but not feeling well. You finally said take me on to the ER, so I got it started. I know I will never forget that night. I won't ever forget that even after they had you on the gurney, and had you outside, that I heard the guys talking to you. I looked out the door, I know you probably had changed your mind about going to ER. They got you strapped down, I grabbed my purse, and off we went. Sometimes I think if only I could forget!!!!! I know I will not, could not, ever forget you, my husband, so I will never forget that night either.          We had some good food at church today and let overs tonight after church. The Killoughs were here, in church, with us. They will be going home tomorrow a.m. I wish they could stay over tomorrow, but that will not happen. I am praying Lord, help me get by one more day. It seems the anniversary date days are even worse to handle. I will with the Lord's help. But oh I miss you and I love you.............BILL-EE

Today Janelle, J.C. and I went shopping. They forgot to bring their suitcase, so needed to buy some items.         I got very nauseous this a.m. I think it is the antibiotic that made me sick. I went back to bed and stayed there until past twelve. I will not ever take this med again without first eating some food.          We decided not to go to the church at six, J.C. wasn't feeling good and I still was a little puny. We ate supper, then we visited for awhile, had ice cream, then visited more. The Killough's went on to bed and here I am writing my note for the day.      I was thinking how on 9/21 you stayed in the bedroom all day. Then later you complained with a stomache ache. This was so unusual for you. You so rarely, for years, complained about any kind of pain. Of course, I get very immotional when I think of those last few days. I could never dreamed you were so sick. Is there anything I could have done to make it better for you? Guess I will never know, but it haunts me, that I didn't know to try something, anything. All I know and can say for sure is that I have missed you so much, I still miss you much and I love you...........BILL-EE

I did go to the doctor today. I didn't think Lisa would get them, but she managed to somehow  leave a message for Sandy. This a.m. Sandy called and said doctor wanted me to go by the lab at one thirty and to see him at two. I got a chest x-ray, it was o.k. I had a low grade temp, he listened to my lungs and said you better get a steroid shot and antibiotics. I am so tired of this coughing, I could scream.         I had to call Janelle and tell them I would be going to the doctor. I told her where she could find a key so they could come on in the house.        On the way home I remembered the Chevron station across the street had their regular gas for $3.16 per gallon. I decided I would fill my tank although I had a half tank. Man, so glad I did that, it was less than Jet Pep, Wavacho, or any other I saw. We went over to the church for a little while. When we got back home the gas was $3.19. Where is this going? Our world is falling apart, no it has already fallen apart.         Dialyn and Glen came over for awhile. Actually they stayed longer than usual. We had a great visit with them. It all makes me miss you, Ben Miller, more than ever. I love you.......BILL-EE    p.s Dialyn called me on Monday, too. I meant to come back down and change the blog after my bath but I forgot to do so. She and I had talked for a long while that day......Love you.    p.p.s. Janelle brought fresh veggies already cooked so we had a feast tonight. This was written for 7/20/12, didn't realize it was past midnight.

I am ready for company. Janelle said we will wait and come Saturday, as we don't want to become a bother to you. I told her no, come on Friday you two are the only company I ever have. So they will be coming tomorrow. They are bringing me fresh veggies from their garden.        I went by the cemetery again this evening. Still have no idea if the angel does anything or not. Anyway I paid $30.00 to have it put in with the flowers. I really wanted an angel there.        I vacuumed the den this afternoon. I bought a roast to fix to take to the church for lunch Sunday. I hope it will turn out okay. That was one of the favorites at the long ago Miller Christmas. I also bought some ice cream, your favorite, butter pecan. Hope the Killoughs will like it.        Lisa called today, just as I had one of the coughing spells. She said she was calling the doctor's office, she wants me to get a steroid shot. I was this way a month ago. Even after a bout of antibiotics. Lisa said you know nothing is going to help but a steroid shot. I don't think she got the office though. I am still trudging on. Coughing, sputtering, and all the rest of the good stuff. I miss you so. I wish you could have met Janelle's husband, you would have liked him. I love you............BILL-EE

I did go to church tonight, but I didn't stay long. I came back home, took an aleve and went to bed. I stayed in bed half the day. I did manage to vacuum some floors.       My heart was so saddened, I barely looked at fb today. I saw where Gerri Savell King had died. Oh my Janelle and I have talked so much about how the three of us, at one time, had been very close.       I have coughed all day, again, and my nose has been like an artersian well. That is why I was feeling so bad. I sure have thought of how I could sit on your knees when I felt bad and how you would hold me and try to make me feel better. Just another thing I miss about you.         I got out of  bed, and drank some warm green tea, so now I am back to bed. The coughing maybe won't be so bad if I am lying down. I can't take anymore cough med for awhile......I love you.......BILL-EE

I have been busy today. Got the clothes folded and put away. I got floors mopped, bath rooms cleaned. I can't say how many trips up and down the stairs I made. I went to church for an hour and went grocery shopping. That is my most "hated" chore to do. I reckon I dislike it so much because it is foolish trying to cook for one person. Therefore, I have to look for something I can add water and have a meal of sorts.      I stopped by the cemetery again today. I still don't know if the solar light angel really lights up. I haven't been there when it was totally dark. It is a pretty angel, I had it put in with the flowers. Everything has to be in the vase.        I was thinking how I use to walk up to your chair and rub your head. Especially when you just had a hair cut. Everyone seemed to like rubbing your head. I remember Kamilah rubbing your head. Anyway, Sometimes when I would rub your head you would reach up and grab my hand, then you would kiss it. O how I miss all the precious moments, like that, we had. I know I have to make it some how alone, you would be so disappointed in me if I didn't. I have to remind myself of what you would expect of me to be able to keep going. Thankful that you prayed for me, as you did. It helps me to keep on keeping on..........I love you............BILL-EE

What have I done today? Made a few phone calls. Talked to Betty for awhile. Finally talked to Dale and to Icy. I even talked to Clara Belle. Also Debbie called and we talked for awhile. Besides that I did a load of laundry and waited around for Window World to come by.      The water was running over the gutters. I have no idea how long this has been going on. They will fix the problem, after all we do have a twenty year warranty on the gutters. It has been only seven years. I don't know if they ever worked properly. I just assumed they did, from what the guy said was wrong they had never been right. He said they were too level, and are not supposed to be. He says there is nothing in them.       I went over to the church for awhile, and stopped at the cemetery on my way back home. I want to stop every time I drive by there. Sometimes it is too hot, or raining, or the ground is wet from rain. There are reasons why I can't stop everytime. I guess that is a good thing. I am missing you as usual and I love you............BILL-EE

July 15th, Carmen and Todd's 17th wedding anniversary. They have done well, their girls are both beautiful. Remember when Abigail was born.Our first grandchild gave us our first great grandchild. I will never forget how very proud of them we were. I remember people asking me, don't you feel old now that you are a grandma? My answer was always no, I think the grandchildren will help keep us young. Even tho we both were sick all last year, we could still say I don't feel like I am that old. I say our brains just didn't age, but I am glad they didn't.          Ben Miller, I miss you. The girl I pick up for church was talking as if she felt sorry for me because I am alone. I don't feel sorry for myself at all. I still do feel sorry that you are gone.I would rather have you here with me, but God had other plans for you and for me. I listened to the tape you had listened to on 9/20.......HE came once and HE will come again....... I will never forget hearing you say "Lord, come on, come and get us, come and get me Lord, I am so tired". Yes, Honey, you were tired of the blackness, you were tired of knowing that I was not physically able of taking care of you 24/7. Yet you knew I would always keep working to take care of you.You knew that you may not think "old" but you knew your body had been having a beating for over two years, so you were tired. Oh, Ben, I can say it all over again I love you, I miss you. I am glad that I believe the Holy Bible, that tells me there will be no tears in Heaven, there will be no blind eyes, no tiredness, no limbs that you can't get to work right, no lost balances.........All I can say now is God help me with the loss........I love you..........BILL-EE

I decided to write early again today. It is about time to start getting the shower and shampoo. Thinking about tomorrow, getting ready for chuirch. I haven't done much today. I did get thru some of the VA forms. That took alot of time.         The arc services were okay. I kept thinking about the last time I tried to take you. The music is so loud, made my head feel like it was shaking. Anyway, you simply could not endure it. Lisa took you outside the auditorium and sat with you. Then Chase sat out with you for one preaching time. I knew for sure I would never try to take you again. I know I went once 2011, I can't remember who was here with you. I do know for sure I would have never left you alone.         You got alot of preaching last year. It was the same ones over and over but you didn't mind. You listened to them and worshipped the Lord. You loved listening to the Andy Griffith gospel tape. I would hear you singing "O Come and Go with Me". Our lives together had so much good in them. We were good friends, not keeping secrets from each other. I miss you dearly and I am sure I always will. As was our practice so much of the time to say I love you, I will say it again now. Ben Miller, I love you...............BILL-EE

Today was Dialyn's birthday, I wrote her a birthday greeting this morning.       I didn't sleep well at all last night. Since I didn't write earlier today. I am writing a note now.         We went to the ARC services again tonight. This was the last night. I am tired since I didn't get much sleep last night.            I was thinking about the times when you and I, Ben, would go to the Church early mornings to pray. We would go pray for an hour, go back home sleep for an hour, then start our long days. There was one morning when you hit a car backing out of the drive way. We went on to the church and prayed, after you left a note on the car with our telephone number. This was just in case whoever the car belonged to came for it. The car and note was still there when we got back home. You opted to call the police and report what had happened. They came out, soon they knocked on the door and told you not to worry, the car had been reported stolen. They said the owners will be so happy to get their car back they won't mind a dent in it. We had been noticing cars would be parked on the street at times. They just were not parked even with our driveway. The police said there had been a string of stolen autos reported. Seemed, evidently, they were being parked there, in an out of the way place, for someone to pick up. You had done them a favor. Honey, just another one of my memories of our lives together. My life alone nothing much happened this week, except getting ready to go to church. I miss you and I love you...........BILL-EE

I am ready to leave the house. I will pick up Alisha and go on to the day care. We are going to the ARC again downtown. We ride the van from the daycare.          Today I made a few needful telephone calls, plus I called Lisa and Duane. The gutters, on the house, is not working correctly. Window World will be out on Monday to check them. I called Columbus insurance and got an anwer about the surrender value of the policy. Then called the Birmingham VA, had to leave a message, I was about two minutes too late calling there. I left a message and telephone number. Hopefully they will return my call, if not I will call again next week. I am needing some answers from the VA.       I miss Ben Miller, so much. I miss being able to talk to him about these things. That is not the only reason I miss about his not being here. I miss our prayers together, our talks, our everything.         I love you.............BILL-EE

I am writing the note early today, as I am going to the ARC church service tonight. I have no idea what time we will be getting back home. I will drive over to the day care and will ride down to the BJCC in the church van.           Not much to write about, I haven't done a whole lot today. I have shampooed my hair, got my mail, got the garbage can back to the house. I also cleaned the shower.         I won't be writing much, but I can always say I miss you and I love you..........BILL-EE

I thought Dialyn would be spending the night but she didn't. She said it would take her so long to get to work in the morning. She left here a little while ago going home. We did have a good visit. We went down to All Star Diner for dinner, Dialyn bought. After a leisure dinner we went over to the cemetery. I sure did enjoy the entire afternoon and evening. I rarely have anyone with me at the cemetery. Duane went with me, when he was here in June.         Last night was "one of the nights". I finally got to sleep aboout three thirty or so. Then I woke and was awake until past four.I try to keep my mind clear but too many times I will start thinking about our lives together. I will think of things I haven't thought of in years. Like the time we, Janelle, and Everett had been to the church praying. For some reason we were in our car, Ben driving. It is early morning hours, police stopped us. Ben asked what is wrong. They wanted to know if we had been drinking. Finally they believed us, we all confirmed we had been to the church praying. He told Ben to stay awake, said he had been weaving. News to all of us.          I know I have to keep moving forward, but sometimes it seems an impossible task. I hope having company here, at our house will help. I miss you, Honey, and I love you.............BILL-EE

Today was Deb & Tot's anniversary. Forty One years. I am proud of them both for being commited to each other. That is a great testimony in these days we live in.          I have done a load of laundry, did I say a large load? I haven't done a whole lot more than that today. A few minor choirs.           I am excited, Dialyn says she is going to come over tomorrow night and spend the evening, night with me. I guess I need to start thinking of something for dinner for us. I so rarely buy groceries the way I once did. It hasn't been any fun fixing food just for me.          Honey, each day I am working to make my life (or the rest of my life) count for something. I still feel the great ache I have had for these past months. I remember our lives together, I can find no place to complain about our togetherness. As I have always said whatever  we did we did together. If we laughed or if we cried we did it together. Who could ask for more? I am still trying to find how to always do these things alone. I miss you and I love you. I loved your smile, I loved the way you could talk to anyone. Did you ever know what a stranger was? You were happy with who you were and also who your wife was. So I keep looking to those hills from whence cometh my help. What else can I possibly do...........I love you.............BILL-EE

I got home early tonight. David didn't make it to church still at the jail preaching. It was just me and Sarah. We went to Arby's. We shared a chicken salad sandwich & fries. I had green tea to drink Sarah got a mooca shake.          I stopped at the cemetery on my way home. It wasn't quite dark yet so I decided it was a good time to stop by there. The solar light angel I had put in the flowers was not lighted. I think this time of year there is not enough sun on it during the day. Today at lunch we went to the japanese restaurant again. They have raised their prices. It really isn't worth what they charge, especially for me to eat there. I don't eat $6.00 worth surely not $12.00. I didn't get any kind of nap today. Barely had time to change my shoes and it was church time again.         Bro. Honea did a great lesson tonight on who Jesus is. Have I been so long time with you, Phillip? It was a kind of lesson you woul have enjoyed Ben.        I am going to get ready for bed soon, I had one of those nights last night. Didn't sleep from three thirty until after five this a.m.           Sarah and I had a good visit tonight so I was glad it was only the two of us. We talked about our losses last year. We both will make it because we know you, Ben Miller and Jan Hall would want us to. I miss you as I always have and I love you.............BILL-EE

Ben Miller, you have been gone from me. Yet, I sometimes will think, how I wish I could feel your arms around me one more time. I remember very clearly, after only a few weeks, when I dreamed of you sitting on the side of the bed kissing me. It felt so real. These are the days when I try to hide myself in other things. I have found that is about impossible.          Today I balanced my check book. I didn't have any problem at all with doing that. I tried to take a nap but could not go to sleep. I caught up my devotions, had not taken the book to Lisa's. I read about a dozen chapters  in the Bible. I made myself a tomato sandwich at lunch time. I have really tried to stay busy. I have decided what to wear to church in the morning and have it all ready laid out. Anyway wishing and aching for you I decided to write the note early. I have to shampoo my hair. I need to decide what to fix for my dinner. I brought quite a bit of left overs from the Haynes. I am going to close this by saying as always, I miss you and I love you............BILL-EE

I am finally back home. I stayed at Lisa's and Harold's from Tuesday night until this evening. Didn't do much, Lisa and Harold worked yesterday and Lisa worked part of today. Harold's mom and neice came down last night. Lisa got Rylan this afternoon and Ashley came over later. Butch is out of town on his job for the rest of this week.         Doesn't look like I missed much around here. Nothing had changed, it was still warm upstairs when I got home. I had to turn the fan on in the den and sit down here where it is cool.     I did some dust mopping at Lisa's today, trying to make it where she wouldn't have to be doing so much as Harold's mom was going to stay over until Sunday or Monday. I hope it helped her that I did the dust moppng.        Ben Miller, I think of you and think how much I miss you. Last night I heard a "hey honey" the way you would call me at night when you needed to get up. It awaken me, I think it was about one thirty or so when I heard that. I love you, Honey............BILL-EE

It looked like I would miss another day without  writing a note. I finally found the way to get back to the blog. Lisa had got it up , but there was not the new post setting.       I came out here to the Haynes' after church Tuesday night, stayed here yesterday, we did not do anything on the 4th. Lisa had Rylan so I played with him. Harold worked, we had thought we would do some shopping, but Rylan had a temp so we stayed in. Harold's mom was coming down tonight and they asked me to stay over so I am still here.          I folded some clothes, washed all Chase dirty clothes. He just got home from a vacation yesterday.  He had been to Mass. Also to RI &  NY, he had a big time. Ben Miller, I missed you on this fourth of July, as I do on each and every day of the week. I tried to get a few things done so Lisa can not have to work the week end. She has to go in tomorrow, to the office. I have to go home tomorrow, too.        Harold is off tomorrow, he and his men worked yesterday. I miss you, Honey, and I love you............BILEE

It is early, but I am going to do my blog now. I have a busy schedule planned for this evening. I will be going to church tonight. After church I will go out to the Haynes house. I think Lisa and I will do a little shopping tomorrow. Maybe we can meet Dialyn and Glen and eat with them. Have to wait and see how it goes. I know Harold is working tomorrow. His men wanted to work tomorrow and be off Friday instead.          After church tonight we are going to have hot dogs and do some fire works. That should be fun.        I haven't had alot to do today. I did it all yesterday. Fay Davis called this a.m. we had a nice chat. It was the first time I have talked to her in awhile.        This a.m. as I was sitting at the table, right after my devotion time. I felt how I wish I could reach over and touch Ben the way I used to do as we sat at the table. I could see his face clearly as always and I felt the ache like always. An old song came to mind, as I thought of the song and began to sing it I could feel the presence of the Lord so mighty. It seemed I could see your face, Ben, smiling as I know you would have done if you heard me. I miss you so much and I love you as ever............BILL-EE

Thank  the Lord, we got rain last night. It wasn't so hot today, kept it at 77 degrees upstairs. I didn't have to turn the den a/c on. It turned out to be a very nice, pleasant day.     I am afraid nothing much got done around here this a.m. After devotion and some breakfast I actually went back to bed for about an hour. I then came down to the den, to my desk, and wrote out checks for my bills. Guess I did get something accomplished after all.          This afternoon Lisa called, we talked for awhile, I told her I would let her know about coming out there tomorrow night after church. Soon after she hung up Dialyn called she said she and Glen would be eating out on July fourth and wanted to know did I want to go eat with them. Dialyn and I talked for quite awhile. After that I fixed something to eat. I then dusted all furniture and vacuumed the whole house. I cleaned the vacuum real good. Of course I put the maid in the living room to vacuum. While the roomba was vacuuming the living room I was taking a shower and shampooing my hair. A very productive day after all.        Oh, I did get some of the "handyman" items takin care of. I got the shower door fixed, at least for now. I still did not get the door between the kitchen and living room where it will close. It got messed up at the birthday party. Probably some of the children slammed it too hard or opened it too fast. I am glad I had a busy evening.         I miss you, my Honey, and I love you...........BILL-EE

Just got home from church, and a trip to Dairy Queen. I had a banana split, John Honea sat with me and Alisha so we had a good visit. Alisha is the girl I pick up for church, she was baptized this a.m. service.        We had a visitor today, some one we knew. Tim Williamson and his wife were with us. Tim played the key board, sang and preached both services. He did a good job.        Soon after I got to church this evening for some reason I began feeling like I dreaded coming home. I don't know why I felt that way but it was with me thru the service. After church, Tim came and sat down beside me, he put his arm around me and pulled me up close. Of course I cried. I finally told him that for the first time since your death, I felt dread at coming home. He told me, "you know God told me to sit down beside you and love you". Probably don't have to think twice about what I did. God knows exactly what we need, and He takes care of that need. How long has it been since something like that happened to me? Guess I needed that human touch. After church this a.m. I went to Uncle Sam's BBQ to eat with David, Sarah, and Alisha. I know they care, but I just needed a "touch", a big hug, and someone to say Sis, I love you. Enough venting, guess thinking about a holiday, no you to be here with me. Maybe that's why I felt the dread, don't know, only God knows. I miss you, Ben MIller, and I love you.............BILL-EE