My heart is heavier than ever this evening. I finally got to visit Icy, she doesn't look good at all. I could only think of when I first saw Milton after Ben's death. Makes me even more thankful for knowing where I can go to find help,some comfort, and to know that I can make it with the Lord;s help. Otherwise I, too, would be like she is. Of course, she is 10 years older and her health is worse then mine. She just hasn't been able to find peace of any kind.         I am writing early this evening, I may go over to Lisa's. Just thinking about it for now. Toshea did tell Lisa to invite me to her sons after graduation party so I know if nothing happens I will go over there tomorrow. Give me something to do, people to see, etc.       When I think about how much I miss you, and go to Milton's and Icy's and find out how much I miss Milton, makes it harder to go to their house. They have around-the-clock help with Icy now. Wouldn't I be in a pickle, if I didn't know God and His mercies?          I miss you and I love you............I am writing again. All evening I have been thinking of all the many phases I have gone through in the past ten months. There has been many, and also many different thoughts. Sometimes thinking why get up? I can just not get up. Then I would begin to think of maybe there is a reason to get up, I still can't say. Thoughts of, well I won't say anymore.        I started writing this blog ten months ago. I knew I was going to have to do something, no, Honey, maybe you were never going to read this, yet I knew right away I had to have some kind of outlet. So I do, and have done, this for Billie. I needed some thing for me, to keep me traveling on. I knew that is what you would want me to do. I stopped by the cemetery. I have done that lots. So I talk to you there, I tell you my thoughts, I tell you how I miss you, I tell you that I love you. Just in case you don't hear me I ask the Lord to please say these things for me, to you. Guess I have alot more I could say but I will say I can't see the page to well right now, I will end again with I love you......................BILL-EE