Ten months ago I watched them lower you into the ground. I felt that now my life is ended, Lord help me. I still have my life, it didn't end, sometimes it feels as if it is standing still. So I am still saying, Lord help me.        I woke this a.m. at four thirteen, did not get back to sleep 'til past eight. I took about a fifteen minute nap today.        Bro. Honea called me and said he had taken Vickie to ER. He didn't get back home until past five this evening, he had taken Zoey to his house. After church I took Zoey home and checked on Vickie. My intentions had been to go by the cemetery but it was too dark for that. I felt bad that I did not go by, but I know what you would have said about my decision to check on Vickie.     Of course, as is true every day I have been alone today. Dialyn and Lisa called me otherwise I haven't talked to anyone, except someone with VA called this morning. The guy in Birmingham VA called but I had already left the house when he called.        Ben Miller, my honey, I can't explain how I feel. Thankful that I am still able to take care of me. Though not very good. I know I don't half eat as I should but I am trying, as I know you would want me to do. Sometimes, most of the time I kind of feel blah. Mostly like what do I do next.         This week I have hugged your jacket tightly, this a.m. I sat in your chair. I still feel lost and so alone. I do still remember to look to the Hills, where comes my help. I miss you I love you...........BILL-EE