Dec 30, 2011

This year is almost over, Honey. Tomorrow is New Years Eve. I got out for awhile today. I went by the cemetery and removed the Christmas stuff. I did leave the star Debbie had bought, I took a lone flower and put there with the flags. Lisa said something about putting the beautiful plaque she had bought on there. I hope she can come over sometime tomorrow and do that. I am downstairs, it is easier to write on the larger keyboard than what it is on the lap top board. Chase gave me a new board for Christmas. I hope I can get it to work on the lap top. Debbie gave me a snuggle, I have it on now. Honey, I really did have a good time  being with all our children, most of the grands and greats. I sure did think of you alot. You loved it when we were all together. You enjoyed the last reunion, my family, your birthday, in '09. I had hoped to have another one a few months ago but it didn't happen. I know that you knew all my neices and nephews, their children and spouses  loved you. Who could help but love you? You were special!!!!  A lot of people loved you and I loved you most of all and I miss you much. The commode is still not working, guess I'll try to buy that inside and see if I can fix it. I need to learn to be a Ms Fixer. Miss you love you......BILL-EE

Dec 29, 2011

Honey, this has been a day without much going on. It was cold, leastways I was cold all day. Finally had to turn the heater on to get warmed up. I didn't get out. I did do a load of laundry. All the Christmas decorations still setting by the front door. Like I said I felt cold so I decided to stay in.  I kept thinking I would go over to the cemetery but didn't even do that. Of course, the same ole excuse I felt cold and didn't go out. I bought a dinner to bring home yesterday, so all I had to do is heat it. I had plenty to eat. Some days it seems I miss you more than ever.  Today has been one of those days. I will probably get out most of tomorrow. Don't want to have another stay at home day. Honey, I love you and I miss you so much...............BILL-EE

Dec 28, 2011

Yesterday I was early, today I am late. That is kind of the way my life goes these days, Honey. One sure fact is I miss you whether early or late. I went to the cemetery today, first time in a week. I have missed my trips there too. I got my bag unpacked today, and got clothes I had washed and folded last Thursday put away. I didn't get any of the Christmas decorations to the shed but I will. I went to a few places looking for a gray skirt to wear to the wedding Sunday didn't find one. I then went to the Home Plate Diner got some vegetables, to eat, for my evening meal. I even bought another dinner to have for tomorrow. It was still a little early so I drove around Hueytown before church time. We had a good church service tonight. I got home from church around 9. Still up, thinking I will get to bed soon. I am still living in the living room and kitchen. The commode, in the hall bath room is broken, makes it a little hard on me. I have to go to the other bath room now. Guess I probably will have to call a plumber to get that commode fixed. Honey, you see how exciting my life is right now. I have to remember I am only a half, because we two were one. I miss you I love you and I don't know how to be at times. I will keep smiling, love you.......BILL-EE

Dec 27, 2011

Honey, I am back home. I have never written you a note this early in the day. I got home at 1 o'clock, unloaded the car. Then I started right up putting away Christmas stuff, and bringing the things we had put away back to book cases, etc. I have got everything lined up at front door to be taken to the shed. I am tired now. I can hear you saying, you need to lie down and rest for awhile. Honey, you really did try to look out for me, you loved me and oh, how I loved you. These last few days are the longest I have been away from home since I got home from the rehab, first of the year. The first year we didn't go to the Dardens' for several days. We were there May 1st, on your birthday, for a couple of days. We went back in June. That was a round trip, there and back in a day. That was the only time you went any place all year, except we did go to the Spences' on labor day. Of course we were both gone from home the first 5 weeks of this year. That was not because we wanted to be, it was a necessity. I still have a few things to do this evening so I am going to write again tomorrow. I miss you and love you much........BILL-EE

Dec 26, 2011

On  9/26/11 we had your memorial service at New Life. Honey you would have been so pleased with it. It was such a beautiful service. Ben I miss you so much. Today truly has not been a good day. To many memories, to much to think about....all you. I am still in GA, I will go home tomorrow. Tonight I am not going to write much I am going to say I miss you and I love you much..........BILL-EE

Dec. 25, 2011

Christmas 2011 is close to being over. All day I have remembered 9/25/2011. I was heartsick all that day. Of course it was Sunday. Bro. Sutton didn't have church at New Life Pentecostal, I wanted my husband to be in church, his last night. He had wanted that, too. The next day on 9/26 we would be having his memorial service, celebrating his leaving this earth for a home in heaven. The pain I felt standing beside that coffin that night. My dear husband had left me for a much better place. He again could see and walk, but I knew the pain I felt was real. I also knew there was no medicine to stop that pain. Honey, I don't know why this week was exactly as it was in September. Why did 12/25 have to be the day of the week as 9/25? Why do I still have to hurt? I am still at the Darden home. Duane has been here today again, all the Darden children and grands were here this evening. We ate, they passed out gifts, we played a game. It was a nice Christmas, but I thought about you so much and missed having you here. You and I were here last Christmas. I kept thinking about that, and about how much I miss you. I am trying to be brave, it isn't easy because I do miss you so and I love you......BILL-EE

Dec 24, 2011

Christmas Eve, Honey.  I remember when Louise Maughon used to tell me when they arrived at BT, you were waiting there for them, and she said something about the good looking man there to meet them. Something of that effect. Honey, our children, grands, greats and I had a wonderful day. We ate brunch.....Mostly ate all morning and early afternoon. Then we passed out gifts. Wow, I really felt like a santa had come to see me. I got soooo many good gifts. Debbie and Lisa bought something for the marker when they get it down so you were not left out. We had a lot to do on that day. We went to the funeral home to make all the funeral arrangements. Lisa called La Cole Florist, the lady stayed there so we could pick out flowers. The florists close early on Saturday. David, at Pattersons, said the arrangements (funerals) you and I bought years before were not any good. The company had bankrupted. They did honor the casket and vault, which I was very thankful for. At least the people who had bought that site, honored that part of what we had bought. Bro Honea made a big pot of chili, brought to the house, for us to eat that evening. There were so many people at our house. I was in so much pain I couldn't really enjoy all the family who showed up. Bro Honea had brought BBQ on Friday night also Betty, Sid, and Laura came over Friday. They also brought food. Vernie Mae baked a big cake for us. I still miss you and I love you...just remembering..........BILL-EE

Dec 23, 2011

This is Friday 12/23, I have remembered clearly Friday 9/23. That was the day my husband's heart stopped beating. He went to be with the Lord that day at 12:35. My heart has been so heavy and hurting since that day. I am in GA, the whole family except Nathan, Michael, Michelle, and Sharon. That has made this day much more livable for me. We had a time tonight everyone could tell of  something they remembered about you. Mostly it was one of your fishing trips. Harold had some good things to say about that, so did Duane. Cary even had a memory of fishing with you. Glen remembered why he couldn't fish with you. Tot reminded us how you were never wrong. We had a good time with our memories, and playing a game Lisa had . She read a story, mostly about you and we passed a gift around when she stopped reading whoever had the gift could keep it. The gift was $20.00. It has been good being here. All of us Alabamians are spending the night at the Darden house. Everyone will be back in the a.m. for brunch and giving gifts out to the greats. I will probably be up for awhile with the girls. We all missed you. You were always "in the middle" of it all when we were together. We all love you and miss you but I love and miss you most of all...........BILL-EE

Dec 22, 2011

All day I have been thinking of 9/22, Thursday. You woke feeling "Chipper", you told me you could see light. Honey, you were so happy even "jolly" sounding. I told you maybe you are going to get some sight back after all. We got you dressed, started downstairs. Your words, about half way through the bed room were, "I could see light laying there in the bed, now everything is all black again." You still acted as if you felt good. You ate a good breakfast. Bro Honea brought lunch, you ate a big lunch. Time for supper you did not eat much. That day we talked about how hard it had gotten for you to walk. Actually, that day you would walk a few steps then start  complaining about being so tired. I would have you to turn around, sit on the rollater and push with your feet while I guided. That's about the way it had been for the past couple of weeks. I kept telling you I don't know exactly what we're going to do, it was getting harder for me to care for you. I would say but we will be o.k. As I said you didn't eat much supper. After a  couple hours you began complaining about a stomache ache. We went to the bath room, then decided instead of going back downstairs we would take you on to the bedroom. Oh, Honey, I had no idea you were so sick. It has taken me over 2 months to feel some peace with myself, I felt I had let you down. You see Honey, we both were worn out and you were not well. I was so tired and stressed trying to be a good care giver. You always told me I did a good job, but I could never get you to talk to me, you would always just say that you were fine, even when you weren't. The rest is history, you finally said you would go to hospital. You did, and you left me, I am only a half now. It took both of us to be one. Yes, I miss you . I really don't know how to go on alone but I know you would want me to, so I am trying. Ben Miller,I love you..........BILL-EE

Dec 21, 2011

Wednesday 9/21, I am remembering you on tht day, Ben. You stayed in the room all day. I fixed your usual breakfast and your usual cup of strong coffee. I believe you went back to bed for awhile. I brought a more comfortable chair up to the bed room for you. You had your lunch (sandwich) and a big glass of butter milk. You sat up in the chair for a long while. You never got dressed that day, sat in your robe. For supper I fixed you salisbury steak, potatoes & gravy, green beans, and those little cakes you liked. I ate my supper in the bedroom, too. I think it was probably around 9 0'clock when you said your stomache hurt. First time you had  complained of hurting. Honey, if you ever had pain you didn't tell me. Of course, we didn't even try to get to church that evening. You took your meds about 9:30 and seemed to sleep fairly well that night. I went by the cemetery this afternoon, it seemed when I was leaving, that you wanted me to stay longer. I turned around and went back to the grave site and stayed another few minutes. I have been to church, we had home made soup after church. Sis Honea and I talked for a while after everyone was gone. I didn't get home until 10:00. Honey, I miss you so. Linda and Joe Odom are coming in the morning, they are taking me to lunch. I need to get ready for bed but not before I say I love you, Ben Miller.............BILL-EE

Dec 20, 2011

Here I am again it's Tuesday night and I am missing you. Honey, I have been thinking  about the Tuesday 9/20, you didn't want to get up that morning. So I made you a bacon and egg biscuit. I fixed you a cup of coffee, put that little table up and got you in a chair so you could eat, You took your meds and lay back down on the bed. You were tired, you said. I laughingly asked why you were tired all you had done was eat. I surely did not realize you could really be sick, you never complained about having any pain. You stayed in bed most all day, well you did get up and sit in a chair, until late afternoon. Then you wanted to come downstairs. That is when you listened to the preaching tape. You ate a good supper and stayed up until around 10. We listened to WXJC, Wayne Wallace. That was always our evenings, listening to the gospel songs he played. Oh I can see you now, how you would worship as you listened, how you would praise the Lord.  That was the delight of my days. Watching you, listening to you. How I wish I could hear you again say, amen, halleujah, thank you Jesus. Allison sometimes was here and she also enjoyed being here, seeing you worship and praising the Lord. I believe that grandddaughter will someday make you very proud and I am so happy!!! Honey, I miss you so and I love you...........BILL-EE

Dec 19, 2011

Honey, looking at the calendar I realized all the days this week are exactly as they were in Sept. The 22nd is Thursday, took you to ER on 9/22, 23rd is Friday . At 12:35 9/23 your heart quit beating, you quietly slipped from this world to another one. You went to a place of continueous sunshine and happiness, where you can see and walk. My heart breaks all over again each day and especially as I realize each day this week is as the last week you lived. Ben I miss you so much. How could I ever say how much? I can't. Tomorrow 12/20,  Tuesday, you stayed in bed until around 4: o'clock. You called BILL-EE I am ready to go downstairs. When you got to the stairs, you were so tired. I told you to sit on the stair, set the tape player and played the preaching tape. You listened to it again. Preached on 12/22/91...If HE Came Once, HE Will Come Again. That is when I heard you say, Jesus come on, come and get us, I am ready. then, I am so tired. It hurts remembering that evening but I am so glad I did. You didn't mean for me to hear but I did. It won't be an easy week to get through, but I again look to the hills. I didn't go to sleep last night until past 3 a.m. I sure hope I can sleep tonight, I need to get to bed soon, so I will say again I miss you very much and Honey, I love you...............BILL-EE

Dec 18, 2011

Ben, Today is been a good day. Went to church, had a great time worshipping and praising the Lord. The  whole service was good, as per usual. Allison was there, that made it all the more wonderful. It was all the way you would have loved. After service Allison and I went with the Halls' and Honeas' to eat.  I then went by the cemetery, on home, and even got in a short nap. Was back at church at 4:30, had a music recital, ate chili and donuts, then back into church for a Sunday night service. So you can see that it really was a good day!!! Also it was a beautiful sunshiny day, not so cold. In a few minutes it will be Michaels birthday. I saw a picture Duane put on fb of him and Michael when Michael was a only a few days old. I have one some place of you, Duane and Michael asleep on the couch, talk about like father, like son. As I was on my way home passing the cemetery, I hurt so bad, thinking of how much I miss you. Honey, I wonder will I ever not miss  you, I think not. Neither will there be a time that I don't love you........BILL-EE

Dec 17. 2011

Honey, I am writing you a note early tonight. I am tired, finally under taken the job of cleaning out the drawers in the big bath room. Wow!! I never imagined I had so much I could throw away. I threw away some years of accumalation. I chunked hair rollers, 2 sets of the last rollers I knew anything about plus my really old set from years and years ago. Couldn't tell there was anymore space than before. Anyway, that about says what my day was like. I did get my hair shampooed in between. I am proud of myself. You would be proud, too. I did take time to clean the console (front seat) of the Buick, I also cranked it, let it run for a while, then I did drive it out the driveway, Morningside Drive and came back to carport Beach Circle. It was not a long drive, but it cranked right up, still sounds good and drives good. I have to get it cleaned out next week, for sure. It needs a good wash job, as per usual. Even if I stayed busy today, I thought of you much. I would find something that we used for you or something that was yours, that didn't help me. I know I will always be missing you, it is still so hard to comprehend, you are gone. You left me, even though I was  begging you to get better. I keep reminding myself, he now can see. I wonder what you see, I know it is beautiful whatever. Everything about the Lord is beautiful, so I just know you are seeing real beauty. I need to go find something to eat, I know I do not eat exactly right. Oh, well ....I miss you each and every day and Honey I love you..............BILL-EE

Dec 16, 2011

Ben, How I miss you!!!!! I can't say much about the day, definitely not my best day. I was at the church helping a little, tonight was the academys'  christmas program night. Something happened and I went into the church kitchen, the ladies all looked at me. I said take my hand. We held hands and began to pray, Sis Honea said as we were leaving the church (around 10:) that when she opened the door she felt the power of God. Hey, Honey I remember how you loved hearing talk like that. For over 43 years, that was your kind of talk. Oh, yes Honey I have loads of memories of talk like that, that we heard all those years. Yes, you loved it and so did I and I still do. I heard you praying and I knew many times that you were praying for me. You loved me and you wanted me to be strong in the Lord always, so you prayed for me. I miss sharing our devotion after breakfast, I have it alone, not really alone God is there. I made it by the cemetery today, didn't think I would be able to because it rained most all day. It had stopped raining so I went by, thankful I was able to. I also went by funeral home, the plaque had come in. I got to see it. I had gone by there to pay for the granite, David said it had just come in this week and he showed it to me. I am so glad, they should have the marker down in a few weeks, hopefully. I talked, as always, when I stood at the gravesite. I always say, "I love you Ben Miller and oh how I miss you. As I always do when I write this note.....I love you..........BILL-EE

Dec 15, 2011

Honey, I love you, I miss you . It is late, I sat down at the computer to write you a note. Wouldn't you know the phone would ring? After I got off phone I started on something else, just now writing. 12/14 was not any different than a lot of my days I didn't do much of anything only got out long enough to go to the mail box. It rained here today. A lady is supposed to be here Monday to clean the house, so I decided not to do any serious cleaning, as I usually would do. Anyway I usually keep everything orderly around here. I think of you so much, I am so happy that I have finally felt at peace. I thought at first that I had been angry at myself and at you, as I would think over the past weeks I began to realize I really believe it was guilt. I felt I had let you down, had not done all I could have for you. I know we both had not been well this year. Seems I was always tired, but I do know that I did all I knew to do to take care of you, I loved you very much. I still love you that won't change. It has gotten so late now, and I do want to get some sleep tonight. I miss you so, when I lie down, I think and I don't always get to sleep until late. I hope to get to MS after first of the year for a few days. I asked Tammy to ride down with me. Allison & Baby is probably going to move in with me. I will write more about that, as time goes on. Most of all I just want to say Ben Miller I love you.........BILL-EE

Dec 14, 2011

Honey, Sure wish I had you to talk to. You always seemed to know what one should do in certain situations. Rhonda came over, picked me up we went out for lunch. I sure did enjoy it, enjoyed talking to her. God always knows what one really needs. I got by the cemetery this afternoon, went over to the day care/school for awhile. Then I went to eat with Heidi, her young daughter, and our great, then on to church. Had a good service. There will be a program at church Friday night, the middle and high school children. Of course there will be food and it is always so good. I remember how you enjoyed the good food. There is some excellent cooks at that church. Yummy good. I sure do miss you and sometimes when I stop by the cemetery I sometimes will talk to you. Of course I know you won't answer but it helps to get those thoughts out. Today I told you that you really had wisdom, I need to get more wisdom. The Wise Man, Solomon, said to pray for wisdom, I have done that for years. Now I am asking for a lot more of wisdom. I did get some laundry done yesterday, got the clothes folded and put away. No matter how much or how long I work I am still missing you...and Honey, I love you.........BILL-EE

Dec 13.2011

Honey, I am still missing you as much as ever, I still love you as much as ever. I am still hurting because you are gone from me. All in all, the day was a good day. The Lord is still so good to me, remember how we would talk of how good God had always been to us. I got a phone call this A.M. from our friend Sis Rhonda, she ask me to have lunch with her. Tomorrow she will pick me up about 11:30 and we will have lunch together. I am excited about that, it will be great I know. You would be smiling about it, too. I got by the cemetery today, after I went to the bank and did a little shopping. I got an early dinner while I was out. So much is happening right now, things I won't write about in these notes. If you were here I could ask you what to do, now I have to try and make all decisions alone, but not before doing some praying. Honey, I am still working on this "alone" business, we always talked about everything. Going alone is so different, after all the years we had together. Whatever we did we would do together, even if I maybe didn't agree, it was a okay. I am going to try and make a few phone calls then get in bed maybe a little early, and pray I will go to sleep. I miss you...I love you............BILL-EE

Dec.12,2011

Honey, I miss you, I love you. I am sure I will probably always have an ache, in my heart, because I don't have My Ben anymore. Your love will be with me, and the things I know you would be expecting me to do. So I am really trying, Last night I cried and mourned for you. I thought of so many things, years of living with you, years of sharing our lifes, our thoughts, our tears, grief, and yes, our laughter. Last night I really prayed, I asked God for specifics for me, today I have had a better feeling about everything. I have God to thank, and believe me, honey, I have thanked and praised HIM. Of course I know I will have my thoughts, same as always. I do understand that I will again cry and mourn you but I think I can do that and still feel at peace with God and myself. If possible, I want to try and visit some this holiday, and hopefully can get to Janells' wedding. I do so want to be there. I will keep writing the note to you, regardless. If I am not where I can write on the blog, I will put it on paper and onto the blog later. I cannot say how much I miss you, I just know and feel I am only half a person now. Sweetheart, my love, I love you so much. I can almost hear you saying "I love you, too, more than I can say". That's how I love you, more than I can say...........BILL-EE

Dec 11. 2011

Ben Miller, you were difinitely the better half of me, because now I feel like I am only, not even, half here. I know how very much I needed the girls with me yesterday. I made it to church this morning, went out to eat with the Hall Family. Afterwards we had ice ceam at this quaint ice cream shop. I got home, only had less than an hour to be back at church. My heart has ached so much, I don't know how to go. I miss you so, Ben. I did get by the cemetery for a few minutes today. I am praying the marker will get down soon. These things take so long.  It is still brrr cold, I am in the den and it is really cold in here. I am hoping for a good night of sleep tonight, it is so hard to sleep when my heart seems to be aching so much. It aches because I miss you and Honey, I love you..........BILL-EE

Dec 10, 2011

Honey, This is the day, our 61st anniversary day. Lisa came over this A.M., we went to Cracker Barrel for brunch. Dialyn, Glen, Kai, and Kamilla met us there. Glen had to leave to go to work, the rest of us went to Vickies' house for Zoeys birthday party, we stayed for a little while and then we went to Target to shop. Dialyn and the kids went home, Lisa and I went on to the church to the ladies christmas party. We stayed busy, not so busy that I couldn't have my time to cry and mourn you. Honey, I miss you so much. This was our day and you were not here with me. I pray I can learn to live all alone. I am so thankful for our girls, for the way they look at my situation, and are there for me. You know Debbie was here last week and went to the Miller Christmas with me. I know our son would be here, too, if he could be also Sharon would probably be here. I pray for good jobs for them and another car. Lord, please let My Ben know how much I miss him and love him. I will always be........BILL-EE                                       

Dec.9, 2011

I love you Ben Miller, but you are gone from me. I have been trying not to think about the date, not to think about us. I can't help it. I keep thinking did this or that or something else cause you to have a problem. Why did you get to the point where you couldn't walk as well as usual? Why did this happen? Don't you know how I feel with you gone? I am just curling up on the love seat at night to sleep, then I have a problem getting to sleep. All because I wonder could I have done better. I truly thought I was doing all I could, but I keep asking myself did I. All this is because tomorrow is our wedding anniversary. Would be 61 years since we said our "I dos". I keep praying, help me Lord to get over another huddle. Christmas just around the corner, my first without you, since 1951. I had gone back to Mississippi, you would be discharged in a little over 3 months, our first baby due in 3 months. Oh how great our lives were. Four beautiful children that God blessed us with. They were exemplary children, according to the principal of the school they attended. I could go on and on, as you and I sometimes would do, when we counted our blessings. Wish I could say again "pray for me, honey". I miss you so much tonight, We never had any big celebrations, but we had each other, that was enough for us. I miss you, I love you..........BILL-EE

Dec.8, 2011

Ben, what a day it has been. I didn't really want to get up this morning, because I miss you so much. I did get up, ate some left-overs, took a shower, made a phone call,  went to the cemetery. I put the star Debbie bought, I just attached it to the crosses. It looked good, so I thought. I then went to General Dollar, bought a little gift for our greats. I also got a couple of birthday cards. Then I drove down to the Homeplate Diner, got a plate, brought it home to eat. On the way home, thinking of you, and knowing how much I miss you. I wish you were still with me. I began my usual (sometimes) yelling, then I thought it's time to look again to the hills, from whence cometh my help. I know that God doesn't make mistakes, I know, too, that I am all alone thinking of our last anniversary, and thinking about the one that is getting so close. Yes, it makes me want to scream and yell. All I do is cry and cry. I would never believe I could miss you this much, but we were so together, and we cared so much. I will always try and remember how and what you would expect of me, and be the one who loves you honey and the one who misses hearing your............BILL-EE

Dec. 7, 2011

Honey, I am writing my note to you early this evening. I am ready for church, am really looking forward to being there. I miss you so much, thinking about getting you down the stairs (9 of them), getting you across the den and out the door. We really had some times getting out the door. You would always get in the car without any help, when it was you and me getting you in the car. I never could figure why others, who helped  you, seemed to have to tell you so much , they would get impatient. Guess the real problem with that was people was not with you as I was. It has been another rainy, dreary day, and it has gotten cold again. I hate I haven't been able to go to the cemetery as I usually do, I miss that, too. Ashley got cards addressed for me last night, a big help. She drove the Buick home today. The battery was dead, Harold came by and got it jumped off. I am praying God will help them find a car soon, I know they are so ready for one. Butch wrecked his truck a few weeks ago. It is about time to get on the road so I will say again, I miss you more than I can say. I am going to get through this week, with the Lords help, won't be easy. I love you so much and I hate not having you here with me................BILL-EE

Dec.6, 2011

Here I am again, I miss you...I love you. Ashley and Rylan came home with me today, after we left Homewood. I found something we could eat this evening. Didn't get home until well past four, I had forgotten the children's program (Christmas) so I missed it. I felt bad about missing the program, it had started raining hard again and I can't afford to get wet, also I was tired. I made it today, I will make it some way because that is what you would expect of me. I still hurt so bad, it's hard to always think of the fact that you are truly gone. I can feel my heart crushing it seems. Honey, I am about to get ready for bed but not before I say I miss you....I love you.......BILL-EE

Dec 5, 2011

Honey, last night I spent at the Haynes', Harold was on the computer so I didn't get to write my note to you. I didn't do much on the 5th. I worked on some VA stuff. then it started raining, so I didn't get out until I started to Argo. I am missing you so much, in a few days we will have another anniversary, 61 years coming up. Deb bought a star I am going to put it on the grave, soon as it stops raining. She just called, she has found a angel, I wanted one to put on the marker when it is put down, Will probably put it on before the marker. Honey I love you much.............BILL-EE

12/4/11

Honey, I just got home. I looked at the clock, on the way home, and thought again how you would tell me I was not to be out late. You never wanted me to be out driving, after dark, if I was alone. You didn't care how much I would say, " Ben, I am a big girl".It was a forbidden thing, no being out after dark. I went to the church Christmas banquet, I rode in the van to the restaurant, so I only had ro drive from the school, home. I miss you so very much, when I am with a crowd of people, even more. It seems that is when I have the worse time. After the crowd, then alone. I sure miss you being with me when I go to these luncheons or dinners. Plain truth is, I just miss you!! I did win a prize tonight. It is very pretty. Wish it didn't need electricity to glow,  I could put it on the grave. Did I tell you I won a prize at the Sears Christmas luncheon? I did. I love you so much. I have coughed about all day, and I am quite tired. I am going to get ready for bed. But I want to say again, Honey I miss you , and I love you........BILL-EE

Dec 3, 2011

Ben, I am here, at last. The Miller Christmas was o.k., I had my bad time as soon as I got there. I could see where you had sat last year, it was so not easy remembering you sitting there, remembering how you would keep calling me when I moved away. You would want something but when I would get up to get it for you, you would call BILL-EE. I got myself together, as I know you would expect me to do. I enjoyed having our children, grands, and greats there. A chance to be near them is still thrilling to me, as it always was, as it was to you, too. Ulmer and Clara are here, they just went to bed, as I am about to do. We three went back by Miltons and Icys for a visit, it was a short visit. They neither one is well now. I am coughing bad again tonight. I coughed last night and some today. Honey, I love you much, I miss you much. I am thankful that I know you prayed for me. Love you..............BILL-EE

Dec. 2, 2011

 Honey, I miss you. We (Debbie & I) went by cemetery this afternoon, Debbie liked my little Christmas item I had put there. I will be so happy when we get the marker up. I wish you could see the Holly Tree, we bought lights to put on it. There are so many red berries on that tree, it already looks like Christmas. I don't know if lights will help or hurt its beauty, help I hope. Tomorrow is the Miller Christmas day, looking forward to it, in a way. I am always afraid everyone will walk around me, be afraid of saying anything. What I try to get across to everyone is they don't need be worried to say anything about you. I talk about you to anyone who listens. I may have already written about tomorrow in a note, don't remember. Tot put some new plastic in the wash room window today. He found one of your old black slippers, at first I couldn't remember why it would be there, when I thought about it for awhile I remembered putting it there it had gotten wet I put it there to dry. Honey, as I have already said, I miss you and I love you, I am working hard to get through Christmas. It will be the first Christmas we have been apart in 59 years. Oh, yeah I will miss you even more. Not true, I don't think I could miss you more than I do now because Ben Miller I love you...................BILL-EE

Dec 1, 2011

Honey it is about to get close to bedtime. I didn't get by the cemetery today. I hate that, but sometimes it seems about impossible. I did go to the Sears Retiree Christmas luncheon. Saw quite a few of your old comrades, Nix, Brown, Lollar, Benny, the guy from West Blocton. Saw Tommy, her husband. Of course Katie, Minnie, Rose, and Heidi were there. Debbie came down, went with me. She hasn't missed any of the Christmas luncheons since we started going. I wish I could remember the first year we went. All three of our girls were there and their spouses. Duane never got to go to any of them. I liked going to THE Club better than these past three years. It was fine. No complaints on the food. I sure did miss not having you there. Debbie and I got out a few Christmas items and spotted them about the house. I told her I didn't need a tree, don't know how it will be with you missing. I miss you and Honey, I love you so much..........BILL-EE