Dec 22, 2011

All day I have been thinking of 9/22, Thursday. You woke feeling "Chipper", you told me you could see light. Honey, you were so happy even "jolly" sounding. I told you maybe you are going to get some sight back after all. We got you dressed, started downstairs. Your words, about half way through the bed room were, "I could see light laying there in the bed, now everything is all black again." You still acted as if you felt good. You ate a good breakfast. Bro Honea brought lunch, you ate a big lunch. Time for supper you did not eat much. That day we talked about how hard it had gotten for you to walk. Actually, that day you would walk a few steps then start  complaining about being so tired. I would have you to turn around, sit on the rollater and push with your feet while I guided. That's about the way it had been for the past couple of weeks. I kept telling you I don't know exactly what we're going to do, it was getting harder for me to care for you. I would say but we will be o.k. As I said you didn't eat much supper. After a  couple hours you began complaining about a stomache ache. We went to the bath room, then decided instead of going back downstairs we would take you on to the bedroom. Oh, Honey, I had no idea you were so sick. It has taken me over 2 months to feel some peace with myself, I felt I had let you down. You see Honey, we both were worn out and you were not well. I was so tired and stressed trying to be a good care giver. You always told me I did a good job, but I could never get you to talk to me, you would always just say that you were fine, even when you weren't. The rest is history, you finally said you would go to hospital. You did, and you left me, I am only a half now. It took both of us to be one. Yes, I miss you . I really don't know how to go on alone but I know you would want me to, so I am trying. Ben Miller,I love you..........BILL-EE