Dec.12,2011

Honey, I miss you, I love you. I am sure I will probably always have an ache, in my heart, because I don't have My Ben anymore. Your love will be with me, and the things I know you would be expecting me to do. So I am really trying, Last night I cried and mourned for you. I thought of so many things, years of living with you, years of sharing our lifes, our thoughts, our tears, grief, and yes, our laughter. Last night I really prayed, I asked God for specifics for me, today I have had a better feeling about everything. I have God to thank, and believe me, honey, I have thanked and praised HIM. Of course I know I will have my thoughts, same as always. I do understand that I will again cry and mourn you but I think I can do that and still feel at peace with God and myself. If possible, I want to try and visit some this holiday, and hopefully can get to Janells' wedding. I do so want to be there. I will keep writing the note to you, regardless. If I am not where I can write on the blog, I will put it on paper and onto the blog later. I cannot say how much I miss you, I just know and feel I am only half a person now. Sweetheart, my love, I love you so much. I can almost hear you saying "I love you, too, more than I can say". That's how I love you, more than I can say...........BILL-EE