3/31/12

Here I am again. Not an awful lot to say. I ate breakfast, did my devotion. Of course, I had already put the living room in order. I did some vacuuming, got a shower, looked at fb. By this time it was past four 0'clock. I was ready to get on my way. I stopped by the mail box and went on.     I stopped by the cemetery for 10 minutes or so. When I got back in the car, I could not get the transmission in gear. I would turn the car off for a few minutes and try again. This went on for several minutes, fifteen or more. I was getting frantic. I needed to pick up my medicine at Winn Dixie and I was afraid they would be closed. There was no one I could  call to help me. Bro Honea was supposed to be in MS I didn't have any numbers to call anyone else. I simply could not budge that transmission, so I prayed. Finally, I saw a hearse coming out from the funeral home. I didn't know if it would come my way but it did. I turned my motor off again, he came up beside me, I rolled down my window and he stopped. I asked if he had someone in the hearse, he said no. I told him my problem, so he got out and helped me. I said I have been praying for help. He said, "God always has a ram in the bush". I thanked him and spent some time thanking the Lord and went on my way. I got the med, drove to All Star to get a bite to eat. They were closed, so I go back to Arby's. Honey, I had forgotten march has 31 days, so today is the last day of March. Tomorrow, April 1st is Sunday so I need to start getting ready for bed. I want to say that I miss you much and Honey, I love you.............BILL-EE

3/30/12

Here it is last day of March 2012. Seems like only yesterday it was 1st day of 2012. It also seems like you have only been gone for a short time, sometimes it's like you are in your chair. Then there are the times when I feel as if you have been gone for an eternity.        Dialyn and I slept late this a.m. We stayed up so late last night. I told her and Glen we had solved the worlds problems, we could now go to bed. I stayed there until one thirty.   Before I got on 65 it was pouring rain. It rained so hard I could hardly see. About the time I got into Jefferson county it was clear. I could only say thank you Jesus, I can see good again. It had not rained at all. It did start raining right after I got home. Came a good shower, guess the grass will be knee high in a week or so. Bill cut the grass first of March but we have had rain several times, so the grass grows.     Lisa is still sick, been sick for near two weeks.       Duane called, Sharon was at the ER in Brunswick today. The Dr. there told her he had no idea, what a cop out. He gave her meds for the pain. She will go to her old Dr. there next week.       I told Duane to sell your (his) boat if he wanted to. It does no one any good just setting out in the weather. For sentimental reasons I hate to see it gone, but rather see it used. Still it will be o.k. if he can find a buyer for it. I do know for sure how you felt about that boat, you had many good days fishing in her.         Honey, I miss you so much, wish you were still here. You probably would say to me "Wish you were here" it's such a beautiful place. Ben Miller, my loving husband, I love you..............BILL-EE

3/29/12

Honey, it is getting late already ten 0'clock. Of course I have written later than this.       I am at the Spences', going to stay the night here. I had planned to go home, but Glen, sounding like Ben Miller says I don't think you need to stay at our house tonight. He said I don't think you need to be out driving this late at night by youself. I answered, okay Ben Miller I hear you.          We Have been talking for the past almost two hours. So I am not writing much tonight. I will say that I miss you no matter what or where. I will say, too, I love you.............BILL-EE

3/28/12

March 28th, our youngest granddaughter's birthday. She was 22 years old. Seems like only yesterday she was toddling around.     Today I needed to pick up my medicines. I also wanted to go to Walmart to pick up a few things. I went to Winn Dixie first, only got one med, they didn't call the Dr. I needed new prescriptions on 2 of the meds. Anyway I left there, headed to Walmart, still had 3 hours until church time. I don't know what I was thinking when I left the house as early as I did. I walked around the store for an hour and half. Even ran into Ricky Seagle, the manager there, and chatted with him for a bit. I finally checked out and I decided to come on home, put away my purchases, then leave for church.         Honey, I went by the cemetery for a few minutes. There was a funeral going on there, so I didn't stay long. The cap was still in place just like I put it yesterday. I did notice the cap along with the fish on it had a sign on it "gone fishing". I thought of all the many people who, when they heard you had died would say "he's just gone fishing". Including a couple of our former pastors. I need to figure out how to get the cap on the marker when they get it there.         Of course I do miss you. I think of you all the time. I sometimes look at your picture and think how can he be gone? I still do look to the mountain from whence cometh my help, each and ever day. Honey, I love you...............BILL-EE

3/27/12

March is close to gone, hardly any wind today. Well, Honey, I mopped the kitchen, folded some of Allison's clothes, along with the normal cleaning. Still can't say that I did alot of work.        I kept thinking of going to the cemetery, it was such a beautiful day. Finally about six fifteen I started looking around for something to take with me. No one would ever guess what I came up with. I was in the pantry room, I saw the cap Sydney gave you for your birthday. It was the one with Ben written on the bib. It has a gone fishing, with some fish , a bait bucket, and like a fishing rod. I can't remember right now exactly what all was on it. Anyway I took that cap to the grave, I put it there, stuck a couple of the little flags on it to keep it from blowing away. I then put the little clown down on it. At least I did find something to take there today. It didn't look bad.      Duane called this evening. We talked for maybe an hour. You would really be worried if you knew he was (and has been) by himself since last fall. I remember how you worried about him. You couldn't see, but you had a friend (fishing buddy) who had several heart attacks and you remembered Jim died at a young age. So because of the heart, you were very concerned about our son. He is going to be alright. I believe he knows that God is his ever present help. Of course, I had to do a little "preaching" at him. Honey, I want to say again that I miss you so, only God knows, He alone knows my pain, knows the ache of my heart. Also Honey, I love you...........BILL-EE

3/26/12

Honey, this has been another beautiful day. I have been up and down the stairs all day, seems like I haven't accomplished much. I did a load of laundry, all folded and put away. That is the way I usual always do it. It is getting cool again, it warms up during the day.  I get to feeling tired after half a dozen trips on those stairs.      Debbie called today, we had a 'phone visit. It was nice talking to her, she had helped Duane and Sharon over the week end. Sharon is moving to Brunswick for now. I suppose Duane will live in the apartment at Deb's and Tot's, don't know what else he can do. Lisa also called she was sick last week, the Dr. called her this a.m. told her to stay at home for another few days. She really is not feeling well right now.      I still  can't use the bathroom(small one). Bro Honea says he can fix it but he has so much work to do. I can manage with one bathroom, as long as I have the other commode working.       Honey, I had some bad time this a.m. I got to thinking about you and it was one of the bad times. I can only say that I miss you so much and Honey, I love you...........BILL-EE

3/25/12

Honey, I have missed you today. Sometimes at church, I really miss you, I  miss being able to reach you. I loved holding your hand while we sat in church, listening to the word. I loved hearing you say, "amen" or maybe "halleujah", or maybe hearing you say,"stop singing, let Bro Honea preach now".          After church tonight we had pintos and corn bread. One of the ladies cooked them and brought them for a snack. They were very good. You would have loved them. You would have preferred butter milk with your corn bread.        Other than going to church and going to the chinese restaurant afterwards, I didn't do much. We stayed at the restaurant until about three o'clock. I barely had time to get ready to get back to church this evening.       The church is doing great, we aren't seeing much growth right now but we are still growing in the Lord. I mean all the people there.    Jared Hall has really been a blessing to Bro Honea and to the rest of the church. I was so happy to see that kid move back here and get back "on fire" for God.      Kai has gone back home, he was fine while here with me. Of course, I had to say to him, as I use to say to his dad and aunt you will not talk to me like that. He is too much into the computer. Oh well, he is Dialyn's and Glen's responsibility right now. Going to get ready for bed soon, didn't get to sleep until about three this a.m.     Will say again, I miss you and I love you...........BILL-EE

3/24/12

This has been a good day. Honey, you would be proud of me today. I can almost hear you saying, "that's my Billie". Slept in for awhile, after getting a few things done, I washed my hair and left for the Haynes' home. I did good timing it, got there as they were having lunch. I stayed there until about six forty five. Harold was going to grill some burgers but I decided to get on home. I got here soon after dark. They gave me the lunch left overs. I ate a bit of that, got my bed ready, now I am writing my daily note.      Harold's mom was there we had a good time visiting. Rylan was a sport, he had two grandmas with him today, made his day. That and watching Harold ride Reno.     I got to see Ashley's and Butch's place today. Oh, and I had a great "home-made" fried peach pie.     Of course I got by cemetery before I went out there. My vase of flowers keep falling over. David Nuckles said they may be able to get the marker down soon. I am so thankful for the little marker Lisa bought for the grave site.      I have said it so many times, Honey, I miss you so much and Ben Miller I love you..........BILL-EE

3/23/12

Honey, six months ago you left me. I still am missing you and thinking of you all the time. I very, very rarely ever see anyone, it's still the same as when you were here with me. At least I knew I had you here to see, talk to, take care of, and just be here. I still feel the pain, I still want to cry and maybe scream a little.      I remember thinking, what now? I am going to be alone, and so I am. I can still smile, I have good memories of more than sixty years with you. To be exact, 60 years, on 12/10/10, then thru 9/2311, how blessed we were.       Kai has been here all day again. I can't say he is much company, he is always playing some type of computer game. I play some games but not like he does.     I had bought new curtains for the bathroom, got the wrong size. Before I realized that is what I had done, I had messed them up, so I could not return them. I had already climbed  up and was hanging them, my brain, I guess, went to sleep. I should have remembered the size I needed. Oh well, I made a mistake.     It didn't rain today but I stayed busy most of the day so I didn't get to the cemetery,      I got some of my spring dresses cleaned, ready to wear.       I thank God for His continuous help in keeping me sane and in being with me. I miss you and Honey, I love you............BILL-EE

3/22/12

Honey, I am now remembering six months ago, we spent our last night together. Most of it was spent in the ER. You were sick, so we really did not get to do much, if any, talking.      Today has been a different kind of day for me. I have Kai here with me. I had told Dialyn several weeks ago he could stay here with me. She and Glen really wanted to have some time alone. Kai stayed with Glen's brother until yesterday, he is here now. I have been in the den most of the day. Since Kai was on the computer, I stayed down here so I could watch what all he was doing. Of course I played the card game on the lap top. I could keep an eye on what he did, too. Anyway that is what an exciting day I have had.      I thought he was going with his dad to LA, but he decided it would be boring, so he changed his mind. Kamilah is here, also. Allison has had her since yesterday. Heidi kept her today, I picked her up a five thirty. I've had them both all evening. Honey, you would love having them here. I wish they could have all been around more while you were alive. Oh, well if wishes were kisses I would have alot of them.    I am quite worn out, it is getting late. Allison went  by grocery store after she got off work, finally it has quited down. Honey I miss you so, and I love you Ben Miller.........BILL-EE 

3/21/12

I haven't done as much today as I did yesterday. Honey, there is those times when I feel as if I can't bear another day. I have those times when I think of those last days as if I am livng them all over again. That is when I simply can't get to sleep. Last night I kept reminding myself I did climb one mountain and I am determined to climb more. I  believe that is what you would prefer me to do. I also believe that is what the Lord would want me to do. I am not going to be robbed, I will climb those mountains, with the Lord's help.      I think one thing that makes it so much worse is this week the days and dates are the exact same as your last week alive. On 9/21/11 it was Wednesday. That day you stayed in the bedroom all day. I fixed your breakfast, lunch, and supper and you ate all three meals in the bedroom. I will always think about these days. With time they maybe won't be like yesterday. Honey, this note isn't much, it is what I have been feeling and how since you left me. My jaw is hurting really bad so I am going to get settled down soon I hope. I love you and I miss you............BILL-EE

3/20/12

Honey, I was thinking about you, as usual. I thought on 9/20/11, you stayed in the bedroom until about four o' clock. You called me and said you were ready to come downstairs. I went up and helped you get downstairs. That was the Tuesday that you were only able to get to the first step. You said you could not make it any farther. I told you to just sit down on the step until you felt like you could make it on down. I put the tape on for you to listen to while you were sitting there. The day I heard you asking the Lord to come on and get us. You told Him you were ready to go, then you told Him you were so tired.      It seems that sometimes I can remember and it doesn't hurt as much as other times. Truly, anytime, it feels as if my whole being hurts.       I did get some work in today. I polished furniture, put out the roomba in the living room. Then I cleaned the big bathroom, and did some vacuuming in the hall way and bed rooms. I also polished furniture in the bedroom. Glad I could do something, I thanked the Lord for the strength to do it .Even as I work I still am thinking of you and remembering so many things. Especially, I remember last year vividly, it was a hard year for the two of us. We still had our love and I will always miss you...........BILL-EE

3/19/12

Another day is gone. I have missed you, like always.        I can't say that I got much accomplished today. I did do some laundry and had alot of clothes to fold and put away. I got all that done, and felt as if I had really done something. I have alot I need to do. I just don't seem to get much done any one day. I still get tired after a dozen trips up and down the stairs.        I did manage to put away some winter clothes and bring out the spring and summer ones. It feels mostly like early summer, it has been so hot. The den is feeling somewhat cool this evening.    Honey, I still wonder most of the time, how I will make it without you. I wish I could feel, each and ever day, that it is getting easier. Sometimes it seems harder not easier. I know I can and I know I will make it, even tho it won't be easy.       When I don't do alot there isn't much to write about. I just like to say I miss you and I love you............BILL-EE 

3/18/12

Been home from church for about an hour now. My Sunday was A-O.K. We had a good Sunday service. A visiting minister, who sang and talked. I enjoyed his singing, I especially enjoyed You Are Standing On Holy Ground. After church Bro Honea asked me if I wanted to go to Uncle Sam's BBQ. It turned out everyone else was going some place else, so I went with the Halls' and four others to the Japanese place in Bessemer.    Honey, I sat on the right side of the pew today. I haven't sat there since September. It was not the pew we usually sat on though. Vickie asked me to sit with her and Zoey this a.m. and so I did.       I really enjoyed, as I said, the singing. It was the kind of gospel singing you liked, so I naturally thought alot about how you would have enjoyed that singing. You wouldn't have said, time to preach, quite singing. I came home and took a nap, a short one. Then time for church again.      After church this evening. I talked with Vickie a while, then we all left. I went by the cemetery. I like these days (even tho they are quite warm). It is still light outside so I can go by after church on Sundays. Now I am home I did a couple of chores, looked at my fb page for a few minutes, now writing my daily note, to say I miss you much and Ben Miller I love you.........BILL-EE

3/17/12

Well back home. Honey, even at the Ladies Retreat I missed you.     Yesterday in the way to the day care center for my ride. The day was so beautiful. I thought how these were the kind of days you loved to go fishing. I know if you were here and well you would have been on the lake, casting your net. There is always something that will give me sweet memories of you.       The retreat was great. Awesome word of the Lord, and what testimonies these ladies have. Wish I could tell you all about it, about the testimonies, of these two ladies.      The ladies I went with seemed to always be in a hurry, you know how we both stuck around after any church service. I think we liked being the last ones there. So I didn't see many of the old friends.       Sis Bodifiere (mispelled) saw me and came over and started talking. I had seen her over the years, but we had never done much more than say hello, how are you, etc. I didn't even know she knew my name. Anyway, she gave me the niciest compliment, she told me that I always looked beautiful. I was astounded, but very grateful for all she said to me. It was like she and I were bosom friends. I hadn't seen her in years, yet she knew me. Made my day. Honey, I'm home and I'm glad to be here. I miss you, I love you........BILL-EE

3/16/12

Honey, I am writing early today. I am getting ready to go to the day care. We are going to the Ladies Retreat. We are taking the van. I had thought I would drive down but decided against it. We will miss one service. I am excited about going. It has been quite a few years since I was able to go. I know you would be happy for me, I can hear you now. You would tell me to go and have a good time, then you would assure me that you would be alright.     I will miss you, I will miss being at home. I still will enjoy seeing old friends. I will enjoy the church, usually the speakers are excellent.      Lisa bought me a hat to wear tonight. They are calling tonight "hat night".      I am needing to finish up with my getting ready and with getting everything in the car. I miss you and I love you  Just didn't want to miss writing a note and saying I love you...........BILL-EE

3/15/12

It is almost eight o'clock in the evening. My day has mostly been uneventful. Ulmer and Clara were here of course, I didn't get up until past eight this a.m. Those two had already drank a couple cups of coffee. Of  course, Ulmer's coffee is mostly water. Ha ha, honey, that is the way you would say it.   They left here close to eleven a.m. They went to Clara's sister's , then they went on over to see Icy.    They called me when they started over there and I went there to. Icy didn't seem as if she felt too good. June was there and had given her a bath, so maybe she was just tired. I hope that is it. She, like me, said she just couldn't fathom Milton being gone. I pray someday soon she and I can both be able to say, our husbands are forever gone. That is such a hard thought.     Ulmer and Clara left around two thirty, I stayed for about another hour. When I left there I went by Wal Mart, I picked up some more yellow and white flowers. Tuesday when I was at the cemetery I thought, why did I ever put pink flowers on Ben Miller's grave? There was nothing girlie about you, so I had to take off the pink.       I miss you, whether alone or with company. I do enjoy the company though. I miss you and Honey, I love you...........BILL-EE 

3/14/12

I am writing the note early again. I feel like I have a good excuse. Ulmer and Clara are on their way over here now. I wanted to tell you I miss you, as always. You do know how it is when your brother and sister-in-law are here. Sometimes hard to get a word in, edge wise. They will be going to church with me tonight. Clara said they had gone to Sid's, Betty was not home she was taking care of the grands.          Lisa called she had been sick all week, headache and nauseous. I pray she could conquer those headaches someway. I think she was going to try to go. She only had worked part of yesterday. She went to dr. monday and today.        I haven't done much of anything this day. I did empty the dish washer and washed a few more dishes.       Honey, I know I have said it many times, that "time" is a healer. Sometimes I feel that even time can never heal the ache of losing you. I have alot of memories, of losing a loved one. The pain was there but nothing to compare to the pain of you being gone. Why did you leave me? Yet I do know that God is and always will be in control, doesn't lessen the ache that goes through me.     Honey, I miss you and I love you, Ben Miller.........BILL-EE

3/13/12

I am here to write my daily note to my RIP sweet husband. Honey, I went to the cemetery this evening. I think I need to make some changes in the vase of flowers, too much pink there.     I really did get out for awhile. I went by Wal Mart, then on over to Midfield/Fairfield area. Did some walking around in stores, and I parked a long way off for the extra walking. I didn't buy anything, I just decided to get out for awhile.      At the cemetery, I kept thinking about the fact, this is where my other half was laid, I can truthfully say, the best half. That is how I've felt all these months, only half here.       Clara called this evening, her sister Kay, had her children down for her birthday. So Clara wants to come down and see them and check on her sis. Kay had surgery, knee replacements, last month.       I know I have got to start on some spring cleaning. It is not as easy for me to clean, clean, clean, as it was when you were here. Somehow it doesn't seem so important now. Of course, it isn't as if everything is dirty. Guess it never was very bad, I kept on it faithfully. I just want to say again I miss you, miss you, miss you and Honey, I love, love, love you. I know that with the Lord's help I will stay on the mountain I climbed. Even tho I miss you so much.........BILL-EE

3/12/12

Sometimes, Honey, I wonder where has the time gone. I can't know for sure if it has been a day, a week, or has it been months since you have gone? I try to keep the days, weeks, months, separated but without you I don't seem to know how.    Today is 3/12, I have been trying to remember what day in March did you have the first surgery. It could have been 12th, I wish I could remember. One thing for sure I do know, it was 12 years ago. You were so spry, happy with your ever other week job. Happy with your ever other week to go fishing. Then the tragedy struck. We had over 11 years together after all that happened. I can't remember how many hospital stays you had. I would love if that was all I had to think about, hospital stays.       It will hit me like a ton of bricks, he really is gone, he really did leave me. So now I am only half here and don't know what to do with myself. God had a reason for taking you, I am sure. I think of it and again I have to look to God for some comfort. Honey, I miss you and I do indeed love you, Ben Miller..........BILL-EE

3/11/12

It is hard to think already March is almost half over, makes one wonder where is time going?        Honey, it is hard, sometimes, for me to think that you are really gone. The pain is so real. Thinking of you, there is a pain that goes through my being. I sometimes wonder at the pain. There is no medication for it. No one can do anything for it, it's just there. As I think about it all, there will be tears. Where do they come from I wonder? So, I do all I can ever do and call out to my Lord for help, He is the only one who truly can understand. He is where comes my help. I can find a reason to smile, that is exactly what you, Ben, would expect of me.     I told Lisa yesterday that I find myself more and more doing things that you once would say, when I drove I did this or that way. Now I will remember you said some way you would do a thing and I find myself doing as you would do. Can't believe myself that I am doing that.      I didn't mke it to church this a.m. The sleep would not come last night, I simply couldn't make it on a couple hours sleep. I did make it tonight though.      I am trudging onward, as you would want me to do. Even though I miss you so. Even though at times it seems unreal, I do know how it is.    I got by the cemetery today before I went to church. I put dirt in the vase of flowers so maybe the wind won't blow it over. Oh, honey, I miss you and I do so love you.............BILL-EE     

3/10/12

Honey, I am back home now. I have been home for about 15 minutes. I got to the Haynes' after dark last evening, ate supper there, spent the night. We got up this a.m. Harold left for Cullman to pick up one of his horses. Lisa, Ashley, Butch, Rylan, and I went to a horse show in Oneonta. This was, of course, my first show. It was something different, and naturally that Rylan is very entertaining. He can difinitely entertain if it  has anything to do with 'orses.        We got back home around 4 or 4:30. Me Lisa, and Ashley left to go shopping at the promenade in Trussville. We had to eat something first. We had eaten only pizza and cheese chips, so we ate at Chilli's. We then went shoppping. We shopped for a few hours. I came on home, Lisa and Ashley left to go to their homes at the same time. We were all three really tired by this time. A horse show, then shopping, we were worn out. I didn't have a pain in my jaw all day, as soon as I got home the pain hit. That's the story of my life.      I am going to spring up the clocks, get a shower, and get ready for bed.       I thought of you plenty, I thought how you would have enjoyed that, if for no other reason than listening to and watching Rylan. How he would  yell "go,go,go," was delightful. I was glad I went.      Honey I miss you all the time, I love you all the time.........BILL-EE

3/9/12

Honey, I am writing a note early again today. I need to get ready, I am going to the Haynes this evening. I was  busy all morning, I vacuumed and did some dusting. I put the roomba in the living room to do it's job there.       Debbie called, we talked for near an hour. first time we have talked in several days. She told me sad news, I wanted to cry, but I know that God is still on His throne, he knows all.      Lisa will go shopping with me tonight. I am needing a blouse or two.     I just want to say I miss you, wish I could say how much. Also, Ben Miller I love you...........BILL-EE

3/8/12

I am here, not going anywhere or doing anything else until I write this note.    I didn't sleep very well again last night. I have been up since a little past 7 this a.m. So I definitely am ready for the bed. I  can hear my name being called.      Spent the day with Dialyn, Glen, Allison (part of the day). We were in Columbiana and Calera. Me, Dialyn, and Glen ate lunch in Columbiana.      Me and Dialyn went to Wal-Mart in Calera this afternoon. I wanted to put flowers on Merle, Joe, Jeff, and Frankie's graves. I knew you would tell me I should do that. Anyway, I got upset, there is no kind of marker on Frankie's grave. No one would ever know there was someone buried there. My heart broke, he at least deserves to have his name there. Billy Joe's marker doesn't have a date of death on his. We did put a vase of flowers between Merle and Jeff and another one between Joe and Frankie. Also we bought two solar lights to put there. I have some thoughts about all that, I will be working on those thoughts.     Honey, guess I should not have written all that. I do usually write my doings and thoughts though.     The flowers were nothing to brag about. They were pretty, and we put them there because these were family that we loved.   Honey I love you I miss you......BILL-EE

3/7/12

Honey, I am going to write another note tonight. I will start off with the usual, I miss you God knows.         Yesterday afternoon the dentist office called me. Reminding me I have an appointment next week, but could I come in today instead. I was glad to get it done early. He said the old teeth still looking good. That is a plus. I was afraid Gina would find them in a mess, because after you died, I went to bed quite a few times without brushing. It didn't seem to matter, to me, if I brushed or not.        I got back home, ate a few bites, read for a little while, napped for a few minutes, went to church. That is about all I did today.     Of course I had to drive to Hoover to the dentist. I remembered those times I would have an appointment. I would go by Milton's, after a stop at Taco Bells. After the four of us ate lunch, you would stay there and I went to the dentist. So many memories, I have. It seems anything I do brings back memories. So glad I can still remember so much.    I know I have said this before, I'm really not lonely. Even tho I am alone.     I need to get ready for bed, need to be up early tomorrow. Honey, I miss you and believe me I love you and I do still need you with me. You are there trying to decide what to do, stand in awe, sing halleujah, laugh, or what. I am so happy to know that you were ready to be with the Lord, now I can "only imagine" what you may be doing. I love you.............BILL-EE

3/6/12

Here I am another day has come and gone. Thank you Jesus, I lived to see this another day.       Honey, I have been busy again today. I vacuumed the hall and the bathroom. I, then, mopped and cleaned the bathroom real good. As I was doing that, I thought how most all last year, and the year before, this would be an every day event for me. Not that I ever minded, but sometimes I would feel so worn out.      Today I really did feel as if I climbed, maybe Mt. Everest. It was a big climb for me, I do thank God for the fact that I was able to do so. You would rejoice, with me, for this accomplishment. I don't want to ever forget 3/6/12 and what I was able to do.     Honey, I miss you. I have missed you each and every day since you have been gone. Oh, to have you back.      After my devotion time this a.m. I finished reading 1st Samuel. Then when  I began my prayer time, God was so good to me and He was definitely present in that prayer meeting.        I forgot to tell you I actually lisitened to the radio Sunday evening after church. You would be so proud of me for that. I enjoyed it, I had more great memories of you, of how you would worship the Lord during the songs, and after.     I rejoice for the good memories, hearing you pray, hearing you worship the Lord. Always made my old heart glad.      I miss you and Love you..........BILL-EE

3/5/12

Honey, I missed you today. I was busy as a bee, doing laundry, folding, putting away clothes. I swept kitchen, seems when I thought I had it all swept clean, I would find more to do. Anyway being busy like that, I missed you so, because it seems this is how I always was when I had you here with me.        I got the vacumn cleaners out, thought I'd do some vacumning. I didn't make it today. Maybe tomorrow will be the day for that.       This evening I thought I would do salmon patties, I remembered how well you liked them. You could eat two or three, I did good to eat one. I ate one tonight, that is probably all I will eat of them. I hate the way I have had to throw food away. I think it's time to stop cooking altogether. I feel so bad throwing out so much food.      It was a beautiful sun shiny day, I only went out once. I took a stroll to the mailbox about 12:30.      I guess I want ever stop missing you, there will always be memories. I look back from the beginning, the first letter I ever got from you. I remember how you would laugh about the fact you wrote the very same letter to me and to another girl. I would laugh with you and remind you that wasn't being nice to me. Honey, we had a good life, I am proud of our lives together. You would laugh at me, because you knew it would be how you wanted, no matter what I could say. You had the knack. I miss you now and yes, I always will. I love you now, and always will..................BILL-EE

3/4/12

I am home from church. Actually been here for a little while already. I fixed something to eat. We ate at Uncle Sam's today, I had a big doggie bag plate of food. So I ate a wing, white meat part, 2 onion rings and about 6 french fries. I put a slice of cheese on half the bread, and that was my supper.      Honey, I wish I could talk to you and tell you exactly how I feel. I like to think that you would totally understand my feelings. I can, so it seems, be sailing along doing fine.That's when, I will begin to ache for you. That is when I wish I could tell you what I am feeling. I'd like to tell you how I miss you, how I miss knowing that you are here with me, that I am not all alone. I know the Lord is ever present with me, that is all that does keep me going from day to day.     I stopped by the cemetery on my way to church this evening. Just wanted to see if the vase held up after that windy day. At first it looked as if it was gone. As I got closer, I could see that it had tilted over. When I leaned over to pick it up, I felt myself going on down. I said "oh, Lord I'll never get up from here", then I felt myself stop. I picked up the vase and set it upright again. It is kind of leaned against the little marker. At least it is there.     When I first got home, I kind of picked up everything, I knew Bro. Honea was coming over to work on the shower. He thought he had a notion he could fix it in a few minutes. turns out the cement was all crumbley, almost like sand. He will try to get here tomorrow to fix it.    I know I've said this before, but I am so thankful that I heard you pray for me. Helps me when I feel so alone. I am not lonely, I just sometimes feel alone, as I usually am. I miss you, Honey, and I love you.............BILL-EE

3/3/12

Here it is Saturday already. We had a beautiful day, some sunshine, some clouds. Honey, I woke thinking of my Ben. Remembering other Saturdays, you and me, thinking it would be nice to have a little more to look forward to than just sitting around here. Well, there always was showers to do, clothes to get redy for Sunday. So our day went by usually very peaceful. Then it would be time to listen to 92.5, man I loved hearing those songs. Mostly, I enjoyed hearing you, as you would worship the Lord.        Today I went over to see Icy. I took Kamilah with me, Icy was taken with her, and she liked Icy. She did some "tall" talking to Icy. She even decided she would just stay with Icy. I had to tell her that I would tell her mommy she wanted to stay with Icy. That made her change her mind. She had taken her shoes off, and climbed upon Icy's lap.        I had wanted to get by the cemetery to see how the vase held up, in that wind yesterday. Didn't make it.         Icy keeps talking about how close Milton's death came after yours. It does happen, I remember Merle died exactly 3 months to the day after Lynn. How could I ever forget that? Honey, I miss you and I love you............BILL-EE

3/2/12

Well Honey,  here I am again, with a note. Not much to say, all I did today after breakfast Lisa called me to tell me the weather was going to be bad. So mostly I spent the day getting a light ready just in case. I gathered up some candles, too. I got my one flashlight handy. That is about the sum of my day. I did find a couple of radio stations that kept me up dated on the weather.       I knew there was a battery radio here. I looked where I thought I had put it, found it, and got it on a station I could listen to. This was one of the radios Sid brought over here some years ago. I can't believe it still plays. We never put another battery in it. That thing works like a new one.      You see what an exciting day I had. At least I was prepared, half way, for a black out. Thank God it passed us by. I feel for all the people who were hit today. Quite a number were killed. Tornadoes hit in several states. Some states had snow in the past couple of days, I think.    I need to go by the cemetery to see how the vase held up, with the heavy winds today.         I thought of how you and I came down to the den a few times, when we had storm or tornado warnings. I really missed not having you down here with me. I played on the computer some. I really got bored today. Honey, I miss you so much and I love you so much...................BILL-EE

3/1/12

Honey, I've had a busy day today. I was up by 8:30 a.m. in the shower. I thought Fay and Byron were going to come over and go with me to the Sears retiree luncheon. Fay called at 9:55, said she wouldn't be able to go but Byron would come on over and go. I told her, I go everywhere by myself, just let him stay there and take care of her. She was sick. Anyway, I went by station, got gas and drove on out to the Golden Corral. I enjoyed being there with your old "cronies". I left there it was 20 minutes past 1.       I drove by Wal Mart, found a heavy vase, bought some flowers and went to the cemetery for awhile. It was nearing 4 when I got home.       I checked FB, the only way I have to check on the baby, he had been sick. Guess he must be alright now.         Debbie called about 5 or few minutes after. We talked for awhile. Now I am in my PJ's. I am going to fix some soup to eat in a while.        Honey, the pretty spring flowers looked so good and colorful on the grave. I had been wanting to do something for awhile now. I need to check with David Nuckles about when they will get your marker down. I am afraid they will have to put more dirt on before they will do the marker.       Anyway I miss you, and yes I did talk awhile when I was there. I miss you and I love you...............BILL-EE