Time to write another note about my day without you my Ben. I could be joyful because I had another spiritual birthday. I could rejoice because I received a special gift from God. No one had to tell me I had received it, I knew. No man could ever give such a wonderful gift. It was truly a gift of salvation, and I was totally "sold out" to Jesus. No person gave it and no person could ever take it away. Ben, Honey, I am so glad that you knew this, even as I did.       I washed a load of laundry, folded and put away. Allison had dirty clothes, some she brought with her. I decided to go ahead and laundry all of them. I did that and got them all folded for her. She is moving out, has already taken as much as she can. Kamilah told me mommy has got to quit this moving. She is such a doll. About all I did today except to pay the bills and miss you.      I was looking at some pictures Clara had sent. They were taken at the B.T. reunion. You were sitting at a table all alone, I could hardly stop the tears, you were alone too much, and I felt so sorry for that. Honey, I should have given you more attention. Now I am the one all alone, with no hope of anyone coming by. So I spend my time doing whatever I decide to do in a day, whether much or little, and missing you. Wondering what to do next. Ben Miller, I love you............BILL-EE

4/29/12   Honey, it is about to be Monday, and I am just now writing my note. We went out to eat after church, Bro. and Sis. Honea, The Killoughs', and me. When we finally got home we sat and talked until ten o'clock. Allison and Kamilah had come in before that.     The Killoughs went on to bed, I came on downstairs. Allison is moving out. She has rented a house for herself and the baby. So I talked to Kamilah while Allison was getting some of her things together. Allison and I talked some too. I will be having the house all to myself again. With her in school and working I only saw her mostly in passing. I will miss her though. I definitely will miss the baby girl. She is a precious little girl.      We had a great day at church this a.m. and p.m. The kind of church you would have enjoyed. The kind of preaching  you, Ben Miller, liked. Bro. Killough is an older preacher but everyone at church liked his preaching. He will be back the first Sunday in June. They will stay here anytime they come. He is a very down-to-eath person, you would like him, not an Everette Spence, but a very nice person , who can be funny too.     Oh yes, I will miss Allison and the baby, but not as I miss you. I will never miss anyone the way I do you.      Tomorrow 4/30 is my second birth birthday. 45 years ago when we started the walk with God. I am so thankful that I am still love the walk and I do know that I wouldn't take nothing for my journey now. Kamilah sure does like going to church. She likes Sunday school. Allison says that when she gets settled she plans to go to church also.      I can only say again that I miss you and Honey, I love you.......BILL-EE

What a day this one has been. Janelle (Spence) Killough and Bro. J.C. got here today about 12:45. Before that I had gotten everything in order around here.      Clara and Sammy Johnson came over. They visited with us, we really had a great visit. I had told Sis Clara she could have the gas grill so they came over to get it. She says she is going to be cooking some meat on that thing. I told her "fine as long as you make sure I get some of it".         Across the street, on the corner, the old cafe had closed. I had been seeing a sign saying new restaurant opening soon. It opened today, mexican place. We went there to eat dinner, I think I will keep going to Habanero's probably misspelled but oh well.     Bro J.C. is going to be preaching for our little church tomorrow.    Honey, Bro. Honea has really done some good preaching of late. Seems he gets better all the time. We have had quite a few visitors lately, too.    Ben, some nights I get to thinking about you, and our years together, and yes I lay there crying. I miss you so much. I realize how very much I did need you. I really feel so all alone.      I guess Lisa went home, I asked her to call me, she knew I was having company coming in, guess she wasn't going to bother me. I could have called her, I had already awakened her about three times. I wanted her to sleep if she could.         Honey, I love you and miss you.....BILL-EE

April 27, 2011. I remember that night so very much. Our dear friend, Jan Hall gone. Bro David in hospital in a critical condition. We were so heart sick. I remembered the night Feburary 26, 1958. We got the call telling us that my own dear mother had been killed in a tornado. It seemed so fresh all over again. My heart ached for those kids. As it has ached all this day, for me remembering all those who were killed. I also remember the many pains I feel for having lost you, rather unexpectedly. Days like this I feel my need for you even more.     I got the kitchen mopped today. Checked everything out, looking for company tomorrow and Sunday nights. You, dear Ben, surely remember how particular I am.        I left the house, went over to St. Vincent East, our baby girl in there again. Those headaches are getting to be a killer to her. She is still trying to find help for them. I didn't stay long, she still had some pain. I left, drove to Dominos got a pizza, picked up medicine at Winn Dixie, drove by the First Baptist church in Pleasant Grove, there were lots of cars there. A memorial service going on there, at the park, and at the Methodist church.      I would like to do something Sunday at our church in memory of Jan. I haven't yet talked to pastor about it.       That about sums up my day, except for saying once more that I miss you and I love you, Honey..........BILL-EE

4/26/12                Here it is almost twelve o'clock and I am just starting my note today. I could not get my blog to come up. I tried to use the lap top, as I did last night but I couldn't get a connection. Allison just came downstairs, she looked at it, and told me what to do.       Today I have vacuumed upstairs, dusted, done a load of laundry, already showered. It has been a busy day.     Thinking of you, Ben Miller, as I always do. When I get a shower my thoughts of you always are the way you dried, after your shower. No one else probably ever did that exactly as you did. When I had to start drying you, I could never do it to suit you. You were not happy with the fact I didn't do it as you did. You never complained, you may say I wish you knew how to dry me. You learned to be happy with me. My thoughts are always of you. When I cook, I think of things you said or did. I think of so many things that happened, or that we did. That is why I can say I miss you terribly and that I love you.........BILL-EE

This has been a different sort of day. Honey, Let me say first that Rylan loved your new van and truck. He had fun playing with it. He was so cute saying my birthday party!! The food was good, altho Ashley didn't cook.        I miss you so, when I go to birthday parties and such.     This a.m. I took Lisa to the doctor, another headache. We got back to their house and I decided to come on home. Which I did. I ate lunch and lay down myself for awhile. Got an hour's nap, got up and dusted the living room, and vacuumed in there. Boy, I was tired out, just after that little bit of work. I decided to go to Wal Mart and buy some more of the febreze stand ups. I liked the smell of the den when I got here today. I thought I would buy more and put them all the house. I then went by Arby's got a junior shake, I went on to the church. Bro Honea really preached a good sermon tonight. A visiting lady, went to the altar. I volunteered to take her home, it was on the way. We first went by Arby's and ate. David, Jared, Sarah, Big Mike, and Carolyn went to. We had a good time of fellowship. They have brought the chicken salad sandwich back I always loved those, also you really liked them. Anyway it is getting late, and I am about ready to get in bed. I will say again that I miss you and that I love you. I went by the cemetery again on my way to Wal Mart. Love those lily of the valley flowers in the vase, along with the other flowers I had put there. Honey, I love you.............BILL-EE

4/24/12
Honey, another day, is just about gone. I am at Lisa's. Today was Rylan's birthday, three years old. Ashley, Butch, Chase, Lisa, Harold and I had a meal at the Tuckers' house. We gave Rylan little gifts and cards. We had cake before the gifts. I took the truck and boat I bought for your Christmas gift, years ago. Chase saw it and told Butch I always wanted to play with that, but I had to play with it in the box. I wanted to give it to him once, you wouldn't let me. That was your new van and boat. Boy, Rylan had a blast with that. He was so excited!! Harold had bought him a monster truck, but he liked playing with yours. Anyway that has just about been the extent of my day.       I didn't do much at home, I was so sleepy this a.m.so I over slept. I had to shower, and I wanted to get by the cemetery for sure. It got dark on me last night, so I hadn't gone by. The tall lily of the valley flowers looked good added to the other flowers in the vase.     You would have enjoyed so much seeing Rylan playing with his toy. Except, I don't know if you would have let me take it put of the box.        I stayed at the grave site for awhile today. Missing you, thinking of you. So many things to remember. I am getting sleepy, so since I have written my day I will say I miss you and I do love you...............BILL-EE

4/23/12

Ben, Honey, I have made it through another day almost. I did a load of laundry, folded, put away. I then washed my kitchen towels and cloths. Didn't get them folded and put away because of thinking too much. I left home, got gas, and went to Wal Mart. That was different because it had been a month or longer since I did that. I walked around the store, did some shopping, did a lot of looking.      I bought a large lily of the valley to stick in the vase at the grave site. After all, it has been seven months now, since you have been gone.       Walking around the store, I looked up, saw sis Honea with her two granddaughters, a girl from school, and Aubrey. Sis Honea was looking for an electric knife to use to slice her roast and ham she was cooking. When we parted, she invited me to come over and eat with them. I told her, me, myself, and I had a debate about going, but I finally won. After all who would turn down a meal Shirley Honea cooked. It was like Christmas, she had so much food fixed. I really did need that today, it had not been  my best day. I told her it was no accident that we saw each other at the store like that. Our God always knows what we need and when we need it. I stayed there until almost eight o'clock.      Allison and I talked for awhile now I am writing a note, about another day without you.      I just looked over at the phone and noticed I had a voice mail. Actually I had three of them from Duane, Lisa, and Debbie. They knew what this day was and they were thinking about me and, of course, you. It is a little late to return the calls. In Georgia it is near eleven o'clock, in Alabama someone is probably getting a shower or maybe already in bed. I will catch them all later. We did discuss, plenty of times, how blessed the two of us had been. We knew we had the best kids in the world. We knew that our greatest gift was God's spirit, but a close second was the four Children God had given us.    I just checked, Lisa actually called three times. I am usually at home when she calls. It is getting late, I need to be thinking of getting some sleep. For now I will say I miss you and I love you, my dearest Ben Miller.............BILL-EE

4/22/12

Honey, of course on the 22nd day of the month, I will relive over and over our 9/22/11. The day started so great, but it ended with taking you to the ER, it was your last visit to an ER or hospital.       All in all the day was good. I slept late, as I didn't get in bed until past three a.m. Allison was moving more of her things here. I let her move into the den, she and Kamilah. They were making trips up and down the stairs. I knew I would never be able to sleep with all that going on. After she left, past two this a.m., I had to get in the shower, hence the over sleeping me. I woke up a few minutes past ten, but I decided to go on to church. Of course I knew I would be late but I knew I better get ready and go.I was so glad I had gone, it always helps me. It was the kind of service we always enjoyed. Went to Raggedy Ann's with the Honeas', David Hall, Big Mike and Carolyn. Good food, good conversations, a few laughs, helped the day to not become gloomy. It was an achy day, simply because it is 22nd day of the month. Got home late, past three. Left going back to church a little past four. I stopped by the cemetery, dusted off the cap, talked a bit. I was remembering how you would say "I love you, but you are second, Jesus is first He is all I love more than you". No one has ever heard any sweeter words than those. Only you, Ben Miller, would ever say words like that. Another reason I miss you and can say I love you...........BILL-EE

4/21/12

Honey, it is really early to be writing this note. I hope Allison's friend gets here soon so we can maybe get some of these things situated.       I have been in the shed, there is so much "stuff" "junk" to me, that you had bought over the years. Then I walk in the room here, see all the many caps. You were so fond of the caps. I hope to get someone to help me clean that shed out, and sometime soon. All the things out there that should have been gone long ago. Of course, the caps, you told me to leave alone and I left them alone. I told Allison it isn't going to be easy to get rid of them. I wil probably keep the ones you liked to wear so much.        It has rained on and off today, a nice day to do nothing! I wish we could have been getting everything arranged. You know me, let's keep things orderly as soon as  possible.        Sister Clara Johnson is going to come and get the bbq grill. James Barnes wants the cooker, I'm going to tell him to try and get it next week.       Seeing all these things, especially your caps, your fishing tackles, etc makes me miss you even more, if that is possible. I do miss you and I do love you.............BILL-EE

4/20/12

Today I got the vacuum out, going to get some work done. Then I remembered, Allison is moving in more. No need to vacuum. So I went over and visited with Icy for awhile. Been needing to go over there. With the dog there, tho she is usually calm not jumping around ... still allergies.       When I got back home Allison had already started moving things around here in the den. Trying to make room for her queen sized bed and all the other things she will need. I don't mind, but as Tammy Cottingham said, Aunt Bill you are so particular. I guess I am, always have been, and always will be.       I had thought I would go by the cemetery on my way home but decided against doing that. Good thing, because the moving had already started.         Honey, after I write my note and publish the post, I then view it. I sit and look at those pictures of you and me. My heart sings at how happy you looked in one, I feel a little sad because you looked sad in the other picture. Anyway, my heart will ache all over again and again just thinking of how much I miss you, how much I feel like I need you, and knowing how much I love you.........BILL-EE  God is my help, through it all.

4/19/12

Honey, have missed you all day as per usual.     I was suppose to call Icy, but I didn't, I actually forgot. With this nose thing I don't relish being around animals. The nose is still very sore. I can't believe how sick I felt yesterday, because of nose bleeds.       I did get a few things accomplished today. I got up at seven o'clock and mopped the kitchen. Yes, I do know what you would have said to me for doing that. It needed to be done, I was awake for several hours, and just decided it was a good time to do that chore. I also mopped the bath room. Allison put it back in order.      Debbie called this evening, so did Lisa. Lisa had her eyes checked today, by a specialist. She has to have a MRI done on her left eye. They will do that next Tuesday.  She is trying to find out what causes these bad migraines she has.     It is getting late, I still have medicine to take, need to get a shower, and try to get to bed soon. I still have to vacuum, tomorrow will be a good time to do that. I do need to visit Icy for awhile, too. Sometimes it seems I waste too much time. Well I only do what I want to do and when I want to do it. After you left me nothing seems as important any more. Honey, I didn't want you to leave me alone, but I do know that you were tired, and had gotten frail. You really were sick, yet you didn't complain. I am, as I have said before, only a half anymore. I miss you and I love you..........BILL-EE

4/18/12

Got back from church about twenty minutes ago. I sat on the outside as I did when you were here Ben Miller. I wanted to reach out and touch you as I always did. Brenda Webb sang "Roses Will Bloom Again" I am ready to begin seeing some blooms. I know they will come, but when?      Today I kept the appointment with the ent doctor. He took a look inside my nostril that bled, and said "yeah, I see it"". He put a cotton ball in my nostril, to deaden it. I had to wait for awhile, then he came in, and catharized it. He said there was a bursted blood vessel, that is where the blood came from. I got home around three o'clock, I was so worn out, I lay down and did actually go to sleep. I ddn't awaken until five. I spread peanut butter on a slice of brown sugar and cinnamon bread, ate that, got ready for church. A very exciting day.    Oh, boy was my nose ever sore! I could hardly wash my face, it hurt so bad to touch the side of my nose. Doctor told me to continue with the polysporin in my nose. Allergys, bad time for them, sure don't need nose bleeds.      I went by cemetery on my way to church. Cap, clown, angel , and the marker Lisa had put there 1/1/12, all still there. Honey, I miss you so much. Sometimes still it is hard to sleep, thinking of you, of the many things I would love to be able to talk to you about. Some day the Roses will bloom again, huh? I am missing you and I love you..........BILL-EE    

4/17/12

This has not been the sunshiny day of the past few days. We welcomed rainy skies, we do need rain also. I am glad to see it, now I don't have to struggle with the water hose (heavy) to water my new plants.       Lori  (Savell) Johnson said she sometimes feel like she is on pause, I sometimes feel as if I am in outer space, just waiting there. As I told her this is when it is important to turn and look at the hills, that's where our help will come from.        It is quite chilly here, too. As a matter of fact I have been cold this day.      I called Dr. Real's office this a.m. He was in surgery today but I have an appointment tomorrow at 12:40. I hate going to doctors, always have. I don't like the nose bleeds, maybe he can tell me what to do if I happen to have another one. I feel like I am walking on egg sheels, to keep from having one. Altho I don't know what caused it, or what to do when/if it happens again.        Lisa called, she calls almost daily on her way home from work. I told her I was about to dust in the living room and vacuum. We talked for a long while, I told her she only talked that long so I wouldn't vacuum. She admitted it, but it has to be done, and I'm the one to do it.       Honey, I am writing this note early, I had called Pam Butler, she had to go to finish dinner, she said she would call back. I just wanted to be sure I got my note written before her call. I don't know how long we will be on the telephone. She still wants me to come out there and visit. I still am planning to do that, just don't know when. I still feel so all alone, I still am so all alone. I miss you very much and I do love you, Ben Miller...........BILL-EE

4/16/12

What a blessed day!!!!The oldest great had her 11th birthday. May someday have to decide to grow up. Also your brother, Sid, had a birthday today. He has "caught up" with me again. I wanted to call him to wish him a happy birthday but don't have a phone#.      Benny came by today, did the termite check, he said no sign of termites.      I am feeling weak, I had another nose bleed today. I called Dr. Dumas office, he said to get to Dr. Real about it. I had three bleeds last year, he had told me then I needed to see Real but I didn't get to him. Any way, after a nose bleed, I feel very weak. Now I have had 3 bleeds in the past 6 days, so each time I lose more blood guess I will feel weaker. I know I will be alright, just when?        Sometimes I get to feeling so lost again without you. Seems I will be doing so good. Bam, bottom falls out. I don't know whether I should start all over screaming, crying, or just keep trying to stay with the mostly silent tears.        I begin to wonder, what now Lord?         I did finally get all the laundry I had done and was doing, folded and put in the basket. Haven't felt like trudging up the stairs with the basket full of clothes.         Honey,  I know you can see and you are not an disabled person anymore. Where does that leave me? Alone. I miss you and I love you.............BILL-EE

4/15/12

Honey, it has been a glorious day. At first it looked like it would become a dreary day but it did not. We had a marvelous church service, the kind you really would have enjoyed. You would have gotten tired, but you would have stayed right there.       All of a sudden this morning, I looked at my kleenex, thought I saw a speck of blood. I really didn't think much about it, then I needed to wipe my nose. There was definitely blood, I got Bro. Honea to pray for me, about that time the blood started gushing. It was like Wednesday a.m. nose bleed, maybe a little worse. I started to the fellowship hall, needed more than kleenex to catch all of that blood. James and Glenda walked back with me, told me to sit. They got ice and cloths and plenty of paper towels. I hated to miss the rest of the service but he was about ready to dismiss. The same thing happened to me last year, nose bleeds, for no apparent reason. Oh, well one of those things that happen sometimes.         After church I went with the Honeas', a lady from church, and a couple that had been there before, came some years ago. They were there about 4 or 5 weeks ago. Also, had another couple of years ago, came in.     We had another good service tonight, both couples were back.         I stopped by the cemetery, as I very often do. Came home tried to get blood out of clothes, took a 20 minute nap, and went back to church. I have to admit I was somewhat weak after the bleed. I made it tho.       I think of you no matter where or with who, in church I think of you. Sometimes I feel like you are there with me, but I still miss you and I love you............BILL-EE

4/14/12

It is early again to write, but I need to get a shower and shampoo. Tomorrow is the Sabbath day which means I will be up early getting ready for church.        Honey, I am alone again. I talked to Dialyn other than that I have sat here all by myself. I feel like I am getting lazier and lazier, but what is there to do?     Janelle and J.C. left about eight o'clock. I didn't get to sleep until late last night so I lay back down for an hour. I haven't done anything much. I will really have to get with it next week. I did go out to the mail box and I did water the flowers James planted. I found out that big water hose is very hard for frail me to have to handle. I did do it tho.      I kept thinking I would go to the cemetery but never did make it over there. See how lazy I have gotten? Seems like I want to sleep more than I ever had. Maybe I have a sleeping disease.  Oh, yeah I did hang the other curtains up. I had bought the wrong size, so I had to take them down and hang the other, shorter ones up. I don't much like to climb up on the ladder when no one is around, but it is something that needs to be done. I know you would really be onto me for that.        I don't mean to be sounding "grippie" it is just what I did today. All the time I am missing you and thinking how I wish you were still here with me. Of course, I wouldn't bring you back to a world of darkness, even if I could....or would I? I love you more than I can say............BILL-EE

4/13/12

Soon I will be in bed. Company got here today about twelve fifteen. I have so enjoyed their visit. Janell and I have talked of our good old days from years ago. We have talked about my Ben and Bro Everett Spence. We have talked about how we love going to church, and a whole lot more. Bro J.C. went to bed about nine Janell just went to bed and I am writing a note.         Honey, I actually cooked a meal for them. I feel so proud of myself. I fixed alfredo pasta with chicken, green beans, corn, and made some bluebery muffins. Allison had bought some tea for them to drink, so we had a fairly good meal. Thankful I got that done. I don't care about cooking at all anymore.It's no fun cooking for one. Other than visiting with the Killough's I didn't do much else except the cooking. So this will be a short note.      I do want to say how I miss you, how I am still trying to learn to live. It is so painful at times, Janell assures me it will get better. She said you can never forget those days, but time will help. I wonder when sometimes it seems never, but will have to wait on time. I miss you and I love you.............BILL-EE

4/12/12

Here I am early again. Last night I slept good until five. Afer five, I was awake until past eight. I got up took the thyroid pill (ugh I hate all meds). I lay back down for an hour. Allison and I both got up she went to Jacks for breakfast for us.     Bro Honea came over to fix the shower, he wound up washing my car and Allison's van. All the while his helper was laying tile in the shower.        I have had a stomache ache all day so I finally told bro Honea I had to lie back down. He was okay with that, I didn't even know when they left the house. Who but Neil Honea?        The company I was expecting didn't show at twelve or twelve thirty. I got a little concerned so I called, had to leave a message. She told me she couldn't get calls through if they were at her husband's place. Anyway she called me back, said they would be here tomorrow. I am looking forward to the visit. Still hurting so I lay back down and went to sleep, I didn't hurt as bad laying down. When I got up I ate a little then did a few things, like some vacuuming and dusting, still hurts  maybe not as bad as earlier.  Honey, this was the day without you. Of course, I am missing you all the time, as usual. I do love you all the time and think of you............BILL-EE

4/11/12

It is past midnight, I didn't get home from church until after ten. Heidi Honea is here, Allison is helping her with the English. She started to dental school, too. Allison is helping her because she took this course some months ago. I spent too much time talking with them.        I cleaned the bath room today. That is about all I got done. Had breakfast, my devotion time, got a shower and  head washed. I am having company coming tomorrow, really today as it is past midnight now. So I may have to be smarter in the morning. They are supposed to be here around noon time.       Bro. Honea came by maybe he will get new tile down in the shower. I hope so.       I went by the cemetery this evening. I took the angel Debbie had bought. I had wanted one I could put on the marker, now that the marker is down I got it on there. Debbie gave me the angel at Christmas. One of several items she had given me.       I miss you and I sometimes wonder how I will make it, then I know the Lord is with me still and He is my help. Honey, I love you forever............BILL-EE

4/10/12

Honey, it has been a sort of busy day, not really. I didn't sleep from 3:45 util after seven. I woke up, actually I heard Allison, anyway it was past eight o'clock. I rushed to get ready for the doctor visit. I then realized I did not need to go that early so I lay back down and took several five minute naps. I finally left home around ten a.m. I got the blood work, the mammogram, then on to see the doc. He didn't seem worried about my shaking hands, of course I haven't been worried myself. Just sometimes seems ridiculous. Blood pressure o.k. We talked about my taking care of you, I cried some. The dr. said he was frail, I was frail, he said how he thought I did a good job taking care of you. He said I should never think that I could have done any better.     When I got back home, past one, I ate a slice of toast, took medicines, drank a little coffee and went to bed. I slept for about an hour and half. Got up starving, heated the roast and green beans I had brought home from the Haynes house. Allison came downstairs and ate a plate of the food, we talked a bit. She had to leave for school, she is having two night classes this six weeks. I read the Bible for awhile, looked at fb a little. I am about to think of going to bed.      Honey, I talk about you to anyone who will listen, you were my life time mate, my other half and I miss you so. I love you...........BILL-EE

4/9/12

It is still early but I am writing my note.    I thought my doctor's appointment was Thursday. I had messages from Simon-Williamson from Friday reminding me of a mammogram at 10:45, then a message reminding me I had an appointment with the doctor at 11:00.         I really didn't do much today. I felt tired all day for some reason and I felt sleepy. James, from church, came over and planted some new azaleas and cut off all the dead branches from the ones that had bloomed.      I took he and his wife to the All Star Diner for a cheeseburger and fries. I got a bbq and fries to eat for my supper. I then went over to the cemetery for a while.      The past couple of nights have been cool, I have been quite cold. As a matter of fact, I have had heat on.       Mulga is laying a new line down for our gas. I told them I was glad to see them doing something, maybe the gas bill won't be so high now. He said everyone around here had been complaining about the bill. I also told him how I could smell gas most of the time. The man, Ken, said this should help all of that, I hope so.     I took a picture of the marker on your grave. I told Lisa I don't know how to send it to her.  She had said she wished I had taken a picture of it. Honey, whether I go to cemetery or not I miss you and Honey, I love you................BILL-EE

4/8/12

Honey, Easter is about over with. I made it o.k. thanks be to God.  My day, the greatest was Dialyn and Glen brought Kamilah to Sunday School. She was so beautiful. I am so happy to be able to have/build a relationship with her and Rylan. Means so much. Oh, and Michael sent me a beautiful picture of Brynlee. She is a beautiful baby girl, too. Benjamin Jace looks like Michael did.       I went and ate with James, Glenda, Debbie, Carol, Britney and Christina. James barbequed, they had potato salad, baked beans. lettuce, tomatoes, and onions. James bbq was hamburgers, hot dogs, ribs, pork chops, it was all so good. I was thankful they had invited me.     This evening I went over to Pleasant Grove Nazarene church to an Easter play with them. Guess what? The Sears guy Randy saw me. He always speaks and hugs me when he sees me. He was telling James and Glenda how when y'all were sent to Atlanta to school, long ago, you and he always roomed together. He goes to church there, at the Nazarene church.      We had a good service this a.m., didn't have church this evening. Bro. Honea told a story about three trees. It was very good and yes, different.       I thought about you all during the service, it was almost as if you sat beside me and I couldn't touch you.      At Lisa's friday night it seems I could feel you at my back. Guess this is another part of the griefing process. I am thankful for the way my day was, I didn't have to be alone. That was the good part.       I miss you any place I am and I love you............BILL-EE

4/7/12

I am back home, it's just me. I have been home for about an hour.        Harold said I thought you were staying here with us tonight. No, I said I better get home. Don't really know why, I will be all alone on Easter Sunday. I will miss you so much, my first easter without you. I am so used to having you beside me. I remember the Easter Sundays we were going to come home and eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. We had thought we would do that last year. Is that the year we ate with the Honea family? I don't remember. One year we were close home when Debbie called, we met her, Tot, Dialyn and Glen and the Maughons for lunch. So many memories, don't know exactly what tomorrow will hold for me. I do know I will miss you, miss you, miss you. I have been invited to eat with a family from church, I will wait and see what tomorrow holds. I remember boiling eggs and hiding them for our children, then for grandchildren. I don't have anything like that anymore, so no new memories.      I was at Ashley's today she fixed my hair and told me to sleep with silk panties on my head tonight. Been a long time since I did that. Anyway Ryland and I have a good relationship right now. He asked me "are you grandma or mawmaw?" I explained I was mawmaw, Nonna's mommy and grandma was Gappy's mommy. Maybe he will remember now. He is always so happy to see me, of course that is thrilling to me.      They finally got your marker down, I am glad of that, I think. Honey, I do miss you and I do so love you. however this Easter turns out, peanut butter and jelly or something else, I will know Jesus died and rose again that we could have salvation. He bought that for us, because of HIS love. Am thinking of you and will especially be thinking of you tomorrow and longing for you to be with me. I am happy that I know you can see again now and walk again. Yet I am so sad, because I love you and miss you, and now it is me alone..............BILL-EE

4/6/12

I am writing early today. Got up, late, had breakfast, mopped bath room, got kitchen and living rooms in order, took a shower, dressed, ready to go.     I looked at fb for a bit now I am out the door. Oh and I have packed a bag. I am going to the hospital to get Lisa. She thinks I will only have to drive her down to her car and she will drive home. I am a little leary of that. I think we need to go back to pick the car up later. I have prayed these headaches are over for her. I believe God. He is the great physician after all.         This is how my day is going. I thank God for this another day, and it is beautiful. I don't think it is going to be as warm as it has been.         Ben, Honey, I miss you and I love you always..............BILL-EE

4/5/12

Another birthday, today was Ashley Haynes birthday. She was 28 years old. It is hard to believe our youngest has a daughter that is 28 years old.        I went to the Sears luncheon today. Fay went with me. She had told Patty Cole about it and asked me if it was alright for Patty to come to the liuncheon. I told her it was o.k. It didn't cost anyone for her to go. She paid her own way.         Since I was in Hoover I went by the dentist office to see if he maybe could fix my plate so I could wear it again. My teeth has shifted bad, Dr. Rosenstiel said they had found new homes, there is no way I will ever be able to wear that plate again. So I will be out 3 jaw teeth.       It came a down pour in Hoover, Fay and I both got quite damp getting to the car.       I didn't get to the hospital to visit Lisa today. It came a down pour here soon after I got home.    I got on the phone with AT&T again. I did get my voice mail set up again.      I told some of the Sears people today that I had learned how to laugh even as I shed silent tears, thinking about you. I miss you as I say each day. I always am missing you and I love you Ben Miller.   Oh yeah I did get by to visit Icy for an hour or so after I left the dentist office. She seems to be doing o.k. had a sore throat, I told her she may be allergic to Dale's dog.  Again, I love you and I miss you, can't help it, it's true..............BILL-EE

4/4/12

Today is Dialyn & Glen's wedding anniversary, 37 years they have been married.        Lisa is in the hospital, I went up and spent the afternoon and early evening with her. The migrains, I know the Lord can heal those. Twice He healed me of migrains, once before I ever started going to church. I still thank Him for healing them. God is good, all the time.        I left the hospital and went to church, I hated leaving Lisa, she said she would be okay. She probably will sleep tonight, I pray so. I am trusting for her to be alright. It hurts seeing her sick.       I thought of you alot while I was there. My 2nd time at the hospital since you were there. I did go see Milton once, he was at Princeton. That was hard for me to do. Honey, that is about all I did today, I left right after my shower and head wash.      I think of you always, I miss you always and I love you always..............BILL-EE

4/3/12

Honey, I really miss you. The days seem so long, no one to talk to. I think Sis Honea is coming home tomorrow, maybe she will feel like having some company sometime. Hope so.       Today I cleaned some. I even brought the big vacuum to the living room and vacuumed. I finished putting away the clothes. I hadn't got the hang ups upstairs.So I got all that taken care of.        Believe it or not I even went for a walk early this evening. I am real proud of myself. I need to do more of that, also I have to start on exercises for my balance. I am too wobbly, I said it could be because I walked backwards for so long. The wind wasn't blowing at all when I walked.          Honey, after I write the notes and publish them, I always view it. There are a couple of pictures of you and me on the page. I always take a while and just look at those pictures. I am not sure what year the first photo was taken. They were both taken at the Darden's. The second photo was taken December, 2010. Looking at the picture I can now see that you were not feeling well. Oh, how I wish I could have always known from looking at you that you were not well, guess it is because I was with you all the time. My heart still aches and breaks, I miss you so much.  I also love you much............BILL-EE

4/2/12

Debbie's birthday. Honey, we are parents to a young 60 yr old daughter. There are so many memories, we shared over the years. I'll never forget the night she sang to us, her 2nd year in school. We were both blown away, it was beautiful. We both were proud, this is our daughter. After our praise for the beautiful singing, she would never sing again. I remember her piano recitals, I always bought her a new dress for the recitals. She was always a daughter to be proud of, and so we were. I remember her first job, what was she selling? Don't remember that. Then the job with Vulcan binders, her uncle Ulmer sent her to that job. They wanted to keep her, after her graduation, South Central? Bell wanted her more. She always did so good on her jobs, like mother and dad/ like daughter.         This has been a nice day. Fay called this a.m.. she and Bryon actually came by for a while. I was glad to see them and happy to have company if for only and hour or so.        The grass really needs cutting bad. Bill cut it first week of March, we have had several big rains, and the grass grows. We  will see what happens.    Icy called me this evening, she wants me to come over for a visit, I will try to go over tomorow or wednesday. She misses Milton, but I sure do know about that. Memories of you, our lives together, our children.......soooo many memories. You and I could share those memories, now they are just mine.          I miss you much, and I love you.............BILL-EE

4/1/12

Honey, it is an early note today(April fools). I got home earlier than usual. Me, Sarah, and David ate at the Home Plate Diner. We waited in  a long line but got served verily fast. So we were able to get home earlier than usual. I changed clothes, got a nap, and am ready to leave for church again soon as I finish this note.     I went by Jack's this a.m. to get a gravy biscuit and coffee. The same thing happened with the transmission. I caught a guy leaving and he got it in gear. Sarah drove my car to the cafe, she said you have to have your foot on the brake to get it cranked. I don't know how I've done for the past six months. I suppose I just those times were not putting enough pressure on the brake. I will know better now.         Well I am back home from church now so I will finish my note. The missionary was fine, I enjoyed it. He  mostly did a sermonette, but it was a good one. Bro Honea was going to take them to Uncle Sam's for bbq, he and David, so I went along. I first rode over to the cemetery but I went back to the bbq place. I wasn't hungry, I ate a small order of onion rings and got a drink. Bro Honea put his rib, he didn't eat, in a plate for me to bring home. I have lunch for tomorrow.       Honey, i miss you, I miss you at church, I miss your amens and halleujahs, I miss everything about you or that was you and I love you............BILL-EE