I started to write at eight o'clock, then I noticed that Lisa had called several times. I called her and she invited me to go with them to Florida for the week-end. I will ride back Monday with Ashley. That will beat having to sit here on a holiday all by myself.           I stopped at the cemetery on the way home from the church. I cleaned the marker again. When it rains it gets dirty, or if they mow the grass.         I have some clothes in the dryer that I need to get out and put away. I can get my things packed tomorrow. I guess I should say "yay" a vacation for lil ole me. I will sit in a shade and read a book, read my Bible, and do some more of nothings.             I miss you. I may not write anything while I am gone but that doesn't mean I won't be thinking of you. I love you..........BILL-EE

Here it is August almost gone. Nathan called me this a.m. said they were having the triplets birthday celebration this evening. I met Dialyn at exit 242 and followed her to their house. They have grown so much, of course,I hadn't seen them since last September. Sabine and McKenna are both larger than Sterling. He has braces on both legs. When he saw me he ran over and gave me a great big hug. He acted like he was really glad to see me, more so than did Sabine and McKenna. They both hugged me and McKenna talked alot to me. She even asked me how did I get so big to have them as great grandchildren.          This makes me miss you even more than ever. I know how important these birthday parties and anything else that happened, where we would see any of the grands, greats, or our children. I was so glad I got to see those greats. I saw Rylan a couple of weeks ago and Kamilah last week. The GA grands and greats I don't see much of. I haven't been to GA at all, since May.         After church I went to Zaxby's with the Hall crew. Had one of their salads, didn't eat much so I will have left overs. Honey, I miss you and I love you...........BILL-EE

When I stopped at the cemetery, I was there until almost dark. I decided I needed to get out while I could still see, rough walking ground. I still don't know how the angels does, it is suppose to be a solar angel.            I am thankful for each day God grants me. Sometimes though, I wonder what's the purpose?  God knows, and as I said I am thankful.        I guess I try to keep you alive, Ben, bcause I am still talking to you via this note I write. I know I need to let you RIP, huh? I probably will always write at different times. I am trying very hard, I am use to crying silent tears. Will they ever stop? I don't know, I just know that for myself I must be strong. Sometimes though I just need a big hug, but you are not here to give it to me. I miss you and I love you...........BILL-EE

Janelle and J.C. slipped out this mornng. I heard him when he first got up about seven o'clock. I was waiting to hear her before I got up. I fell back to sleep and knew nothing until about nine.          I am still struggling with the departure of my life long mate. It seems so final, more so now than a year ago. I do know I have to learn to live without my Ben, but how to do it is my question. I keep looking to the hills and praying oh, Lord help me. Daily, I will learn to go it alone. It won't be easy but I have to do it some way.       Then I wonder how did he go seemingly so quick? Yet I had noticed for several weeks his pallor had changed.        Why did they not know something was wrong when he was in hospital in August? Yet I know I must somehow not dwell on all these thoughts. So I can learn to keep on keeping on. How? By keeping my eyes on the mountains, dear Lord only with and by your help. Ben Miller I am still missing you and thinking of you much. I love you...........BILL-EE

8/26,12              I realize it is already 8/27 but here I am writing a note. Eleven months 8/26/11 they lay you in the ground, my life had ended it seemed. It still feels like it ended that day, yet I keep on going. Ben I had to keep on even though my life ended, Lisa said, "mom, I can't lose you I just lost my dad". You would have, said don't hurt them anymore, just keep going. So Honey, I smile to hide the tears of my heart. I miss you so much and I love you...........BILL-EE

I had a nice surprise today. Janelle called this a.m. about ten o'clock and said they had decided to come on today. Of course I had already thought of what I would do since they were not coming up, turns out here they are. They got here about one o'clock.        I have been busy this evening fixing food for tomorrow. I don't ever guarantee anything I put together, but it smells good. I made egg salad for this evenings meal, a sandwich, potato chips, and a honey bun, a real feast. About an hour ago we had peanut butter crackers. Janelle and J.C. have gone to bed. I put everything away and here I am writing this note. Eleven months ago we had visitation for you. I am praying for God to help me, and I know He is going to.         I miss you, Ben Miller, and I love you...........BILL-EE

I surely won't say I just got home. I am writing this for 8/24. When I started to leave the church, several ladies were there. Britney and her mom and Brenda Webb. Brenda and I started talking. She finally asked me if I wanted to go to Jack's to get a drink. I told her of course. we sat there until well past eight. When we got back to the church the others soon left. Brenda's daughter came out, she sat in the car with us. Man, I haven't talked so much in a very long time. Anyway I feel like she and I solved all the world's problems. I enjoyed that so much. It was good to have some female fellowship, for a change. She was in no hurry, neither was I. Fay was here over night but she doesn't just sit and visit long. Reminds me of the old days with Debbie.  Brenda knew I needed company. The Killoughs are not coming here until Sunday. I had been expecting them for the week end. I talked alot about Ben Miller, she said she had wished she would have known you in earlier years. I miss you and love you, I am about to get in bed...........BILL-EE

I have been busy again today. My usual Thursday, dust good, vacuum, make sure everything is in some kind of order.         This has not been a good day even with working. Today it has been eleven months since you left. I wonder how can I get thru this day. Actually I got the sympathy, flower cards and read them. Some I didn't even remember. There were cards from my neices, your cousins, sears employees (retirees). There was a card from Dr. Sokell and his employees. He had cut your toe nails on 9/16, wanted to see you again in two or three months. You told me I want be coming back to the doc, I remember telling you, "honey don't be that way". He remembered you from those two or three years he was treating your foot that hurt so bad. How hard he tried to figure out what could be wrong to make your foot hurt you so much. Finally that Dr. in Bessemer found out, tumor in the nerve behind your right knee. It was still several months before it was taken care of, thank God for Dr. Johnson. He got it out plus he had discovered another one. You were the happiest person alive to be pain free.          There were cards from my boss of over 25 years, plus my lady boss that you liked. A couple of them I really need to look at the envelopes, too, because I didn't know who they were.        My day, working, crying, and missing you. Of course praying, Lord help me.         I stopped at the cemetery, went by the store to do some shopping, now I will say I love you...........BILL-EE

Home from church, at last. David Hall told me he needed to talk to me, so I waited on him. I didn't even take Alisha home until late. David is going to come over Friday to spray the house. So, okay I haven't seen any problems but better to go ahead now before fall really gets here.          Honey, I have still been writing my every day activities. I had been so use to telling you, all the things I had done each day. Going back over some of the things I wrote, one could call it boring. Anyway I am going to slack off on some of the writing. Well sometime soon anyway.           Allison called and asked me to get Kamillah  from day care. I was happy to get to do that. I hadn't seen her in quite awhile, so I was glad to get to have some time with her. She is such a delightful child. I got her about five forty five and we went to Jack's to get her some chicken nuggets. She was so excited to get to go to church. She kept telling me "great mawmaw I like to go to church". I was surprised at how much she had remembered from going last year. She talked about Ms Bonner singing. She went home with "mama Heidi" from church. Allison was going to pick her up there.          The way I miss you cannot be ex-pressed. Seeing an old jacket of yours, you wore it constantly when you first got it. For years it was I will wear the Carmen/Todd jacket. They gave it to for Christmas one year, you never tired of wearing it. All I could do was hold it to me and weep for you. I ask myself how long? Who knows, only God truly understands my feelings. I will forever smile even tho my heart is aching. All I really know to do. That is what you would expect of me and want for me. I miss you, I love you..........BILL-EE

Fay and I didn't get up until past nine o'clock. For breakfast, we had biscuits, bacon, grits, jelly, and coffee for me, coke for Fay. She changed the sheets on the bed where she slept. We visited, then went to Simon-Williamson where I had an appointment with our opthamology, Dr. LeCroy. I told him about your death, and thanked him again for finding that tumor.        He said my eye sight hadn't changed that much, since the last visit. At first he wasn't going to write a prescription for glasses, said for me to go ahead with the readers 100. Then he decided to write a prescription, said that would get both eyes 20/20. He said you probably won't be wearing them very much, but you will have them.          When we got back home Fay had a peanut butter & jelly sandwich I had a cheese, bread and butter pickle, and tomato sandwich. It was yummy as always, I hadn't eaten one of those in a long time.         I went over to the church. On my way home I stopped at the cemetery. I fixed, left over red beans and rice for my dinner.          When I think of how much I miss you still, I have a terrific pain. I am trying hard to learn how to live with the pain and without you.      The last week of your life on Tuesday is when I heard you telling the Lord to come. "Come and get us Lord, come on, come and get me, I am ready, I am tired". Oh how I wept. I had no idea you would be leaving so soon. I told the Dr. about your seeing the light that Thursday a.m. I told him I believed it was a light from the Lord you saw. He agreed that no doubt that was it. I miss you I love you...........BILL-EE

I have to admit this has been a good day. I slept well last night, again, all I can say is thank you Lord. I had breakfast, bacon, grits, biscuits, and jelly with coffee, naturally. I did a big load of clothes, didn't do any laundry last week. This was sheets, towels, etc. They are all folded but I didn't put them away yet. Still in the basket, in the laundry room.           Fay got here around one thirty today. I ate lunch, she was ready to take a nap. I lay down but did not go to sleep. We had left overs for dinner, roast, field peas, salad, and corn bread. Then we went to the church. We stopped at the cemetery, came on home, went to the walking track and actually made a whole round. Then we came home, got comfortable, and watched one of the Janet Oke movies. Now Fay is reading and I am writing this note.         Honey, I was happy to have company this afternoon, evening, and tomorrow. It doesn't stop my missing you. I have begun to think that I was angry at you somewhat, for leaving me. I know how tired you were and I know that you knew I was very tired, also. Then, too, you had quit asking the Lord for just a little sight back, so you actually began to feel your tiredness even more. I still miss you, I love you...................BILL-EE

Halleujah, I slept good last night. I got a great, too long, nap this afternoon. I hope I can go to sleep tonight.         I start having thoughts of you and our time together, especially that last week. I will begin to wonder just what all did I miss by not realizing how sick you really were. If I had forgotten everything else like keeping the place in a neat orderly way and just sat in the room with you the whole days long. I know it doesn't change anything but these thoughts will be in my mind, like suddenly. It only causes my hurt to be worse about your being gone.          Did I say how much I enjoyed last evening with the Haynes' and Tuckers"? I wish you could know Rylan now. He has  grown so much, he is a big 3 year old, funny and smart.         After church this a.m. I went to Subway with Bro & Sis Honea, their granddaughter Sara, and Sarah Hall for a sandwich. What a lunch, huh? You probably would have not agreed to that for a Sunday lunch.        I stopped at the cemetery again on my way home this evening. I know it is just a gravesite, you departed this earth, but that is where I saw your body put, so I have to stop there. I miss you and everything about you and I love you much........BILL-EE

What a day, after a tortuous night. I went to bed early, ten o'clock. Had to get up a little past twelve, although I had been asleep I actually was proud of myself. I was up all night, could not get back to sleep until past six thirty. Even then I was awake every hour. I finally got up but it was past ten o'clock this a.m. I was so glad I didn't have much on the burner for the day.        I actually got a yearning to cook, this week. Today I made a big evening meal. I had asked Ashley and Butch to come over and Lisa, Harold and Chase. I cooked a few things yesterday, red beans. I had to finish it all up today, it had been so long since I had put a good meal together. I actually was afraid it would all be duds. It turned out okay. At least they all said it was very good. I had thought, at first, about calling Dialyn and Glen to come over. I remembered Dialyn is busy getting Kai ready to start back to school. On second thought I figured I would wait and ask them another time. I had a motive, that way I would have  company twice. Don't say I'm not smart. haha. I want to fix Debbie and Duane a meal sometime. If they can ever come down when it isn't for a funeral.         I miss you so much, I enjoyed talking about you, Harold has some good, wild tales to tell about you and he fishing. He talked about going night fishing with you, only once. He said that was scarey to him. I remembered that, and alot of the other things he mentioned.        I knew you were supposed to have five guns, pistols. I could not find the 32, Harold agreed with me that you had a 32. I remember hearing you talk about your 32, don't know where it is. Anyway they are all gone now. The 22 is still here, I guess if Cary wants it he will get it sometimes. I gave Debbie the knife they had bought for you one year at Christmas. There are still three or four knives. I am keeping the one Donnie brought you in '09 and your Roy Rogers knife plus the one you toted around for so many years.           Enough of all that. I am going to try and get to bed early again tonight. Already I have a tummy ache, as I did last night, took an adleve hope that will help. I love you.........BILL-EE

Today I did some vacuuming and cleaning bath rooms good again. I am going to work some at the day care/school. I am tired of just having some cleaning to do. How dirty can a place get with only one person living there anyway? So it is never a hard chore, altho I do get tired when I vacumn.          I left home a little earlier, stopped at the store to pick up a few items before going to the church.            Bro. Honea gave me a key to the church. I wasn't jumping stumps for one I usually got there before anyone else so he didn't want me to have to sit and wait for someone to get there.          I came back to the cemetery for a few minutes. Wish I could stay longer, if I did I just may sit down and I don't know how I would get up.        I made myself a tv meal, have eaten, now writing this note.        I miss you so much and I love you. I am hoping I can get to sleep earlier than usual tonight.............BILL-EE

Guess it is time to write another note. Not much to write about. Good news is I actually had  company for about 30 minutes today. I had been in devotion, had not even dressed, when my phone rang. It was Fay Davis. We talked for a few minutes then the phone was silent. I hung up thinking she will call back in a minute or two. When she hadn't called back I decided to call her, but I heard a knock at my front door. Nowadays no one knocks at my door, thinking oh my, I am not even dressed. Anyway I went to the door and who was there, Fay and Bryon. I said I was just talking to you, glad to have the company for a little while. Fay says she will be back Monday to visit and she is going to spend the night with me. That will be fun.         I called June today to see how she is doing. It has been just two weeks since her mother died. She promised to call me when she comes back to Birmingham. She said they were not going to hurry about taking care of the house and everything. I had been thinking about her, so I called to talk to her.         I had wanted to go by the cemetery today. I decided I better get gas before the price goes up again everywhere. I found Exxon still had it for $3.45, the Chevron on Allison-Bonnet is already $3.55, which means everything on that street has gone up again.          Honey, I may start to quit writing every night, I think. I am never sure exactly how I may feel from one day to the next. As I have already said I think sometimes that I maybe keep you from resting in peace, I don't know. All I do know is that I miss you and am trying to survive without you. That is not an easy thing for me to do. I just read something on fb like, sometimes you smile to hide the ache in your heart, that's close to what it said. All I can say is amen to that, and I will say that you knew I would do that. I love you...........BILL-EE

I just got home s few minutes ago. I went with the Hall family to Arby's after church, had a junior roast beef, curly fries, and even had a chocolate turn over. Now I am too full to even think about going to bed. The Hall's are finally moving into their house. They bought Jan's mothers houses. There is one for Sarah and David and the other one will be Jared's. It was like old times, the four of us.         Ben, my heart, I still have so much to think about, and I still am totally alone. I started writing this blog for myself. It has been therapeutic for me, that is why I did it. Actually it was something, to begin with, that I knew I had to do to be able to go forward. There are times I get to thinking do I keep my loving husband from resting in peace by continuing to write these blogs. Am I doing this to keep him alive for me? Honey, I don't know, I have written so much. I have outlined my days in this blog and have written  many of my thoughts. Some thoughts I have not written but have said them when I am there at the site. I want to know that you are resting in peace. I believe I have received an answer to that. I know I am always going to miss you, to miss talking to you, to miss those times I could walk by you chair, rub your head and kiss you. So many times you would say make that lip o lated. So many memories, so many years together, so many tears I have shed, too many alone times to count, to much feelings of being lost and wondering what to do next. I don't have the answers, only God knows what the future holds for me. Whatever it is I know, as I always did, that I want the Lord's will for the rest of my life. I know that is what you would want of me also and what you would expect me to do, His will. All I can say at this time is, oh God help me, keep those angels around here. I still believe your angel is nearby  as is mine. If I couldn't believe that I would be even more lost than ever. My darling, rest in peace, I love you..........BILL-EE

Today I didn't have so much to do. I ate a small breakfast bar and half a bacon sandwich. Later this afternoon I ate a few left overs from my Sunday lunch.        I talked to Bill Skinner for awhile, he called Verna Mae up to drive his truck home. He had been cutting the grass, doing the trim work he always does,  and also blowing off the car port and drive ways. Anyway I hadn't talked to either of them since my birthday party.         After I left the church I went over to Wal Mart with my grocery list. I hope I won't need to buy much else for some time. Well, next week I will get what I plan to fix for the fourth Sunday lunch at church. I hope what I plan to fix will turn out okay. I have hardly cooked at all this year. One day, end of last week I did some cooking. Needless to say I have to toss most of what I fixed. Kind of foolish to cook then throw it away.         Honey, I still find myself re-living some of the things we did together all those years. I remember things we would talk about; yes I miss the talks every day sometimes all day I am missing talking to you. I just plain miss you and I sure do love you. Sometimes it feels unbearable. I still know I can look again to the hills, from whence cometh my help. I am so blessed to know that. I love you..........BILL-EE

I just got home from the church. I stopped at the cemetery, Honey I feel so all alone. I wanted to lie down beside that gravesite. All I could do not to. Anyway I felt the aloneness so acutely, this evening. There are sisters that attend the church, they, I hope, know how to appreciate being together. Except for you, the past couple of years have been mostly just me. You were all I had, sometimes, it seems and now I don't have you. I told Lisa,when she called this evening, that I have "family time" every night. That is a true statement. Guess that's why I feel like lying down there with you at times.....most of the time. I told you some things, and I ask the Lord to tell you if you didn't hear me.        I am so glad that I know the Lord, don't know what I would do without Him. So, once again, I have told you the thoughts I've had. It was a habit of mine, to tell you everything. Probably would have been better for you had I not done so          Ben Miller, I miss you so and I love you.........One of the times I got to feeling worse instead of better. Another time I should have kept my mouth shut...........Loveyou.........BILL-EE

And yet another night simply could not get to sleep. I think I probably ate too much pizza, cake and ice cream. Anyway I finally went to sleep close to four this a.m. I needed to be up by eight, sorry it was past eight when I got up. I made it to church on time tho.        Heard a great sermon on the curse, I guess we all know that some things happen because of the curse on Adam and Eve. Yes, the earth still does have thorns and briers, etc.          After church me and David ate at the Home Plate Diner. Sarah has had two wisdom teeth cut out, so she wasn't at church today. I got home in time to take a nap. Almost as soon as I got to sleep the phone rang. Isn't that the norm?       Tonight we heard Who Am I, another good sermon. I came home after church tonight. I made a pineapple peanut butter sandwich to eat. It was very tasty. I drank water, hoping that will help the sleep problem.        On my way home, I stopped at the cemetery for awhile. One of the reasons I don't get to sleep is I may start thinking of you and of how much I am missing you, of how lost I still feel. Oh well, it will be a-okay I love you...........BILL-EE

I haven't been home long. I actually went to a skating rink tonight. A 9th birthday party for twin boys, from the church. I told Bro. Honea it would beat sitting here alone all evening, altho I should be use to that by now. I didn't get by the cemetery, as I had planned to do.        I actually did some real work around here today and I went shopping for awhile. Maybe I will sleep well tonight.         Today my thoughts of you got hung up on your way of drying, after a bath. I honestly think even that was unique, never heard of anyone else who did as you. I always say you were a unique fella.        I miss you and I love you. I want to try to get ready for bed early or earlier tonight. So this will be it for today. Love........BILL-EE

Last night turned out to be another one of those nights. I was awake at three forty a.m., could not get back to sleep. I got up around four fifteen and was up until after five o'clock. I sometimes, most oten, when I am awake in those hours will start thinking of how much I miss you. I remember all those nights you would call me wanting to get up, in those early hours.         It looked as if the rain and wind would not hit us today; wrong, when I left the house at five twenty it started sprinkling. At six thirty it was dark all around and the winds blew and the rain came. One thing for sure, man in all his knowledge, can not do anything about the weather. Best to thank God for rain, sunshine, cold, or hot. Keep an umbrella/coat handy and try to keep the a/c or heat on.           I did a big load of laundry, folded, hung the clothes up etc. The hardest chore I did today.         I walked and exercised again today. I am proud of myself. Not really being boastful, just thankful that I can do that.        I wanted to stop by the cemetery today but, there again weather did not permit it. I miss you and I love you.........BILL-EE

It thundered, rained, wind blew most all this morning. It rained most of the day, until evening.        I had to take some lortab last night. Man, I hate to take anything. It is so hard for me to get awake. I only took 1.25 mg of a tablet, but I can't take much of any medicine, knocks me for a loop. At least keeps me sleeping or wanting to sleep. I hope I can get to sleep tonight without taking meds. If my jaw will just settle down.        I am going to have to get some work done tomorrow. Today has been a slack day for me.        You know how I would tell you that I wish it had been me with the tumor. I still think, if only I had been the one who had to have surgery. You would rebuke me for saying that, but if only it had been me things would maybe have been different. Who knows? I only know that I miss you and had it been me with the tumor, you could still be here today. I realize this way of thinking changes nothing and I am really trying not to have any negative thoughts. I only want to be positive about life, about what life holds.          I love you..........BILL-EE

Another day, woke up at four a.m. Can't get back to sleep, get up at five fifteen, read in Bro Raggio's book for about fifteen minutes. I went down to the living room and had an hour long prayer meeting. That's probably the best way to beat the I can't sleep. I finally got back to sleep around seven a.m. Woe is me, I then over slept.        I had a good productive day. I got all my dish towels and cloths folded and put away, swept and mopped my kitchen, to name a few things I accomplished. I did some walking and even did a few exercises.         Did I say I had just got home from church? After church, Sarah and Sara asked me if I wanted to go with them to Zaxby's, I did. Jared and Brittany came in then David and Sammy, so we had quite a few there before we even got served. Chick Fil A beats even Zaxby's for some good chicken.          I finally got to the bank, went to Winn Dixie for Tums and walked around Fred's. I had time to kill before church.        I thought of you so much and of how I miss you and I want to say I love you............BILL-EE

A normal day for me. I woke up at four fifteen a.m. Couldn't get back to sleep, so got up and had a devotion time. Then after about an hour I lay back down. I did eventual get back to sleep, woke at eight thirty, took a pill and went back to bed for an hour or so. I had beakfast, read my Bible, did some odds and ends for awhile, I folded clothes and put them away, I did some vacuuming, got a shower, looked at fb for awhile. I even lay down for forty five minutes, didn't go to sleep. That about covers my day.         I went to church for awhile, rode by Marathon, Exxon, and Wavaho. Marathon, and Exxon gasoline prices were the same as Chevron in Pleasant Grove. The Wavaho was only two cents less but they don't take this credit card. Besides paying two cents more I had rather have Chevron.         Honey, so many times in the past ten months I have wondered how you felt when we were in the car. You never did care a whole lot about riding with anyone. After you lost all sight you had no idea where you were. That is why I usually would tell you we are turning on Red Farmer Drive, now we are going onto Knight Avenue. You had no idea about those two streets. Anyway I can't help but think about how you really felt. You never said anything, but when you knew I didn't have both hands on the wheel you would tell me to put both on the wheel. Oh, how I still ache for you, it hurts knowing my house is empty. Sometimes it takes knowing that angels are near, for me to come home.         I stopped by the cemetery, stayed for awhile, thinking and saying how much I miss you and that I love you.................BILL-EE

I don't seem to have as much energy as I should be having. I went to bed early last night, it was still past 12 before I went to sleep. I had slept in the early evening.           I left the house to go by the bank I didn't leave early enough, they were closing when I got there. I went on to Wal Mart and picked up a few things, then on to the church. I came by the Blue Plate Diner, ate some veggies. I, of course, had part left over. Another meal of veggies.          Gas across the street from us (Chevron) was $3.39 when I left the house. I promised myself I would fill up again when I got home. Only thing is it had changed to $3.46. This gasoline business is getting worse and worse. Now that I think of it, it may have changed yesterday. I really don't know if I looked at it today.           Sometimes the ache in my heart, for you seems more then I can bear. Today a verse of scripture came to mind......I like the part that is He leadeth me beside the still waters. I have prayed for the still waters.         Another summer storm hit us this afternoon, late. It has stormed every day except yesterday in this month of August.        I am going to try and get in bed by eleven o'clock tonight and pray I can go straight to sleep. I miss you no matter where I am or what I am doing and I love you..........BILL-EE

I am home now. I didn't make it to church. Duane left a little past four, I had been feeling so sleepy and yes, tired. I called and told them I was going to rest up tonight. I am still sleepy and tired but I wanted to write while I am awake.       We ate at the Chinese restaurant, after church. Then Duane and I stopped at the cemetery for a few minutes. When we got home Duane changed clothes and packed his car. We talked for awhile and Duane left.         I have to say I do feel like lonely this evening. After all I have had company since last Wednesday. The first time anyone has been here with me more than a couple of nights (fourth wekends) since January when Milton died.       I have to do sheets and towels  etc. for the next couple of days. Maybe being busy will help. I miss Icy, knowing she is gone, is hurtful. I miss you and I love you..........BILL-EE           I lay down again after writing this, when I got up I took sheets off the guest bed, folded a few clothes I hadn't yet done, ate a few bites of food. Now I am here again telling you that I miss not having you here to "hash" over our visit with the four children and your brother and sis-in-law. All I can do is ask again Lord Help Me. I probably won't see anyone else here at the house until 8/25. I will try to stay busy and do the best I can..........BILL-EE 

This has been another hard day. Icy's funeral, first you Honey, then Milton and now Icy. The Minnie Miller Family dropped by three so fast. There was only five of us in the photo today.            Duane came in yesterday afternoon, Debbie came last night also Lisa spent the night. Ulmer and Clara went home today after the burial. They had just got the marker down on Milton's grave, of course Icy's marker is there. It hasn't been easy the last few days.        Ulmer and Clara had said they were going  by the cemetery to your grave site. It has rained so much the past couple of days we didn't make it.         Duane, Debbie, and Lisa are still here. They will all three spend the night again.          Dialyn wanted one of your pistols, so we went thru the guns tonight. I am glad I have them all taken care of now. Duane will get his back, Harold's is put aside for him, Chase decided he wanted the 38 you got from my brother and Cary will get the 22 rifle or the Remington, if he choses. I still have all the many knives to give away. I gave Debbie the one they had given you for Christmas one year and I gave Glen one to keep for Kai. If Cary doesn't want the Remington Harold will get it.        Dialyn and Glen left for home a little while ago. It has been wonderful for me to have all four of our children here with me this afternoon and evening.           I am going to give your $2.00 bills to the granddaughters and greats. I am keeping the knife (new) one that Donnie brought you in 2009 and your Roy Rogers knife. I love you and I miss you ................BILL-EE

I am writing early this evening. This evening we will be going to the funeral home for viewing. This is a very sad occasion for me. Icy and I were always close, since we were married to Miller brothers. Never once did we ever have anything but love for each other. Of course, Milton was like a brother to me, as were Sid and Ulmer. No problems between brothers and their wives.         We just got back from the Home Plate Diner. We had veggies for lunch (a late one).       Debbie is on her way. she is going by Lisa's office to change, she will be only a couple of blocks from the funeral home.         Honey, I miss you and I love you.........BILL-EE

We got up, ate cereal, drank coffee. I did a load of laundry. After showers and dressing we finally decided to go on over to Chick Fil A to eat. It had already been raining some, soon after we got on the road it came a "gully washer". We turned in at Jacks we were not going any farther, then it suddenly slacked and Ulmer got back on the street and said we would go on. Almost as soon as we got on the interstate, we realized we would not be moving very fast. We crept along, finally a couple of police cars came along. I could see they had stopped about half a mile or so down the road. Traffic moved a little faster, we changed lanes and went on. There had been an accident, goodness I don't know how that 18 wheeler got in the position it was in. It looked as if it was barely hanging onto a barrier, over a road. That was scary. All the way it was still raining, got hard again. I had been praying for a slack in the rain, when we exited at #1 it just about stopped. We got in the restaurant, ate, and got back to the car before the next down pour. Boy, did I ever enjoy that chicken! Beats any nuggets I've tried any place else.         Basically our day, except Clara wanted to go in the thrift store, the rain had slowed again. She was looking at blouses. I decided to check dresses, I went to the dress isle and did some looking. I had felt my breathing getting bad, I walked back to where Ulmer was standing, Clara was looking at something else now. I asked Ulmer what she was looking for and I hardly had a voice. They were quite ready to get me out of there. I have always told everyone, I cannot shop the thrift stores, allergies, you know. I knew it was harming my breathing but I had no idea how bad it really was until I tried to talk. It was bad for an hour or so. Then I didn't feel so good. I told them I had to lie down. So I did and I slept for a while, felt better later.         Dreading tomorrow, will go to visitation for Icy tomorrow at four thirty. I will not try to look at her, not wanting to appear dissrespectful, but.......Honey I still miss you, it is still too soon for me. I love you and I am thankful I told Icy last week and Tuesday that I loved her, and truly I did..........BILL-EE

This is hard to write. Icy died today. In ten months we have lost, first of all; you, Ben Miller then Milton and now Icy. It has been another harrowing year. Strange thing, I suddenly had this "feeling" and I thought Icy has died. I looked down at my watch, it was about five thirty. I checked the time because I wondered did she die. She died at five thirty they said.           I saw a puddle of water in the furnace room Monday. I didn't see any water in the ceiling so I knew I didn't have a leak. I couldn't imagine where it came from. We had a bad storm Monday night. I checked the room to see if there was any water. There was a little stream coming from the hot water tank. Bro. Honea called to ask me about Icy, I thought about the water tank so I asked him how do I turn the hot water off, that I had a leak. He said he would come over and check it, he did. So happened he had a new hot water heater he had found on sale, at Lowe's, several years ago. He brought it along and installed it. He said when I told him it was leaking he knew it needed replacing. Fifty gallon tank, cost one hundred dollars. It is new, and thank God and Bro. Honea I have a new hot water heater.          Ulmer and Clara are here, they will be here until after the funeral. I miss you very much and I love you..........BILL-EE