It thundered, rained, wind blew most all this morning. It rained most of the day, until evening.        I had to take some lortab last night. Man, I hate to take anything. It is so hard for me to get awake. I only took 1.25 mg of a tablet, but I can't take much of any medicine, knocks me for a loop. At least keeps me sleeping or wanting to sleep. I hope I can get to sleep tonight without taking meds. If my jaw will just settle down.        I am going to have to get some work done tomorrow. Today has been a slack day for me.        You know how I would tell you that I wish it had been me with the tumor. I still think, if only I had been the one who had to have surgery. You would rebuke me for saying that, but if only it had been me things would maybe have been different. Who knows? I only know that I miss you and had it been me with the tumor, you could still be here today. I realize this way of thinking changes nothing and I am really trying not to have any negative thoughts. I only want to be positive about life, about what life holds.          I love you..........BILL-EE