I didn't think I would get to do a blog tonight. Something happened to computer. I had watched a wimp  dog thing, when I closed it, it wouldn't close. Then it would do nothing. I finally did an adobe thing and it worked. I couldn't close it. I checked the blog, and this time it worked.           Today I mopped and cleaned both bath rooms. I vacuumed downstairs. Lisa, Chase, and Elier came over. Chase and Elier moved the furniture from the living room to the den. I have the den looking real good. Bro Honea was supposed to pick up the new couch and chair for me. He did not and he has my sales slip. What to do now? James said he could tie it to the top of his van if need be. Then Janelle called they will be here tomorrow instead of Saturday. Boy oh boy, what a fix to be in. Well it will be alright.        I slept upstairs last night, first time since 2nd or 3rd week of October. I slept in Hamp's old room.  Honey, even tho I have been very busy today. I have missed you much. Knowing you, you would be pleased for me. Ben, I love you and think of you all the time............BILL-EE

It hs been an uneventful day. I did some vacumming, took a shower, ate lunch. Before I ate lunch I, of course, ate breakfast (pop tart) and had coffee. This afternoon, I drove out to Bessemer. I shopped for a new couch, I kept talking myself out of it, but then I would decide yes, I am. I got it with the Mother's Day money from Debbie. I thank God for her and for the gifts she gives me.         I went to church. After church I went to Captain D's with the Halls and Debbie Combs. I haven't been home long.          I guess I will have to change my sleeping place. I will move upstairs to Hamp's old room for the time being. I truly am trying to get worked back into our old room. This is a big move for me. Ben, I miss you so very much.        David mentioned something else about you Sunday. How you scared a few people, when you would jump into the lake to retrieve your rod. You would inadvertly toss in. He said one of the Alapestco guys that was fishing with you, in one of their tournaments, thought something bad was wrong with you. Like you may be trying to drown yourself. You and your fishing, Honey. I think Duane said it best, as soon as you felt the fish hit that line you snatched it up. Well we did have some good fish frys over the years. I miss that.        I think I am going to get ready for bed. I love you, Ben Miller.

I had almost forgotten it was Tuesday. Thinking about getting garbage out tomorrow, when I remembered this is Tuesday, needs to go to the street tonight.         About all I did today is get my shower, go to Winn Dixie to pick up meds, stop by the cemetery, fix a bite to eat, and mop the kitchen. I have so much to try to get done this week.            Honey, another one of your unique vocabulary words were hal-a-ba-lulu. David Hall talked about that one, too. You were something, with your own words. Of course, you always had that terrific, ready smile, for everyone.        Greg Mount posted something on face book a few days ago about you. He said you always said the earth was 75% water and 25% land, so God must have intended for a man to fish. Maybe not exactly as he said but close enough. Just your way of thinking, fishing was something you could do, and you enjoyed talking about it.           Fifty Nine years ago, today our second child was born, still birth. He was so small, but he was very pretty. I still can remember that day very well. The Dr. had told me I couldn't be pregnant. He said if I was I would have already been dead.  We had a great family, all of our children was and are beautiful.           I did talk to Lisa a couple of times today, three times, to be exact. She is having the bad headache day again. I am praying, please God heal her.         When I went to the mail box there was a box setting on it. I wondered what can that be. I found out it was from Ken Raggio, so I knew it would be a book. It was, a daily Bible compaion, old and new testaments. It is the ones he wrote. I know I will enjoy them. Honey, I miss you so much and I love you............BILL-EE

This has been a good day. I stayed at the Spences' until after five o'clock. The traffic was heavy for a few miles, then it lightened. We had a good meal, Dialyn and Glen fixed some great dishes. Dialyn baked a cake that was moist and tasty. Of course, Glen did an excellent job on the boston butt. Allison didn't make it back but Nathan and Kai were there.         Sunday David Hall and I were talking about some of Ben Miller's uniqueness. Especially David remembered how he would always say al ke haul, No need to tell you Honey, how to say it correctly. Your answer was always, I'll say it my way. So you did. No one was going to change your way of doing or saying. That is one of the many things that people remembers and loves about you. Everyone who knew you, knew that you liked food. I remember one time when Dr. Johnson told you "Ben, you are the only one I've ever heard say this food is not bad." One reason he liked you, you could take whatever anyone said with a grain of salt.           I missed you on this memorial day, I remembered your serving during the Korean "conflict". How many times you tried to volunteer to go over there. They would not send you, because you knew what the "flag" where you served was all about.        Yes, I miss you and I love you.............BILL-EE

It is Sunday evening, I have been to church. I went to Cracker Barrel to eat afterwards with David Hall, Mike and Carol and a man they have been bringing to church with them and his granddaughter. Since it was so late when I got in bed last night, really this a.m. I went home took a nap and now I am at Dialyn's and Glen's. Glen grilled us steak for supper, since then he has fixed me a mocha and a sweet. Of course, I have been talking about you, Ben Miller, most all the evening.          I will be here tomorrow to eat. Glen has a smoked shoulder, from a bbq place. Dialyn has made potato salad, a green salad and I don't know what else. Allison and Kamilah were here and they will be back tomorrow. Nathan and Kai will also be here. It will be a nice day, but it is so hot. the heat has begun to give me problems with breathing. I hate having asthma. the dr. said it was from all the allergies that has bothered me for years.          That is a re-cap of my day.       I will say I am so thankful for all the men and women who has served in the armed forces of our U.S.A. I will say also that I miss you and I love you------------..BILL-EE

This is what happened on Saturday May 26. When I got up I ate a pop tart, got the dish washer started. Then I got a shower, washed my hair, getting ready to leave for Wal Mart. I looked for something I could buy Zoey. Vickie was having a little party for her, she just finished first grade. Didn't find anything, went by the bank got some money out, went to Arby's, got a sandwich and drink, then on to Vickie's.           I got ready to leave at nine o'clock, a little incident happened. There was two little girls there to spend the night with Zoey. One of them got hurt and started  crying. I stuck around trying to help Vickie. Then the other little girl decided she wanted to go home, then both the little girls wanted to go home. Oh, what joy that all was.          So here I am. After all that drama Vickie and I started talking. Vickie kept saying, "aunt Bill what is your advice about this", etc.         I found myself on the road past twelve o'clock, coming home. Honey, I thought how angry you would be if you knew I was out on the road, alone. Now I am home, it is close to one thirty a.m. and I do need to get to bed. Tomorrow is Sunday. Need to be up early. Today is eight months (rather yesterday) was, since we lay you to rest and I still miss you so much. I miss your not being here. I miss not having anyone to care if I am out at twelve. So much I miss I love you, Ben Miller. I did stop by the cemetery today on my way to Wal Mart. Again I love and miss you.............BILL-EE

I just a few minutes ago got home from church. There was the academy awards tonight and alot of good food, yummy. I spent most of the day at the Haynes' and Tuckers'. Grandma Haynes and I went over to The Tuckers' home to watch Ryland swim in his pool. He sure isn't afraid of the water.        When I got home about two thirty I ate a sandwich, and lay down for a nap. I didn't sleep past four o'clock last night. Jaw started hurting, so no sleep for me. Debbie called soon afterwards and we talked for a while. Lisa called to make sure I had gotten home okay. Dialyn called I had a message from her, which I couldn't understand. I meant to call her back but started getting dressed for church and forgot to call. After we ate I talked to David Hall , then Heidi sat down with us and the three of us talked. So I was a little late getting home. I had to take the lady I pick up for church home before I could come home.        Through the entire day I am thinking of my Honey. Missing him and I love him............BILL-EE

Honey, I have been busy today. After I ate and showered I got ready to leave the house. Believe it or not I actually went to visit Icy today. Dale's dog is there, the minute I walked in the house my voice started going. That's one reason why I can't spemd alot of time with her. I can't really say she is alright, I know she misses Milton just like I miss you.         When I left Icy's I went to the church. Some of the ladies were there getting food ready for tomorrow night. So I stayed around to do what I could to help out.        Now I am at the Haynes house. Harold's mom is here. Lisa wanted me to come over, I decided I would. Lisa thought Butch had to go back to the doctor tomorrow, so I came in case he did and Ashley had to work. He doesn't has to see the doctor he only has to call him. Anyway It has been a busy day.       No matter whether I am busy or not, nothing keeps me from missing you. I go along and keep smiling trying not to be all sullen looking and sad. I learned a  while back that I can smile and be silently crying at the same time. I call it crying on the inside. I am not being hypocritical, I am missing you and feel very sad, but I also can smile and show a some what happy face. This won't make sense to no one, but it is better to smile. The first few months it was so hard to do but I have learned to smile tho I may be aching. I know for sure that I miss you and that I love you. I also stopped at the cemetery today. I hate I can't at least put the angel there. You deserve more than just flowers. Love you..............BILL-EE

Ben, it is about to be 12 0'clock. Wow, this is supposed 5/23 note. Sorry about that. I went to church today. After church I went with James and Glenda to Dairy Queen, got a frozen hot chocolate. They are fairly good. Later, Debbie showed up to eat. I got hungry watching her, so James bought some chicken strips and french fries. Guess you can tell I don't really have much to say about what I did today. I didn't do much except do a big load of laundry.         Honey, it has been eight months since you left this old world. I do miss you very much and I do still grieve for you. My very being aches for you. God help me. Being alone so much doesn't help much. Oh, well I have accepted my lot in life, sure isn't anything to talk about.        Bro. Honea talked bout me some tonight. About how close to death I was last year. He talked about how they all prayed for me. I was closer than anyone will ever truly know.          I miss you and I love you. You will always be in my heart............BILL-EE

May 22,    I didn't get home until past eleven o'clock . The computer would not start the webpage , I had to finally turn everything  off before it would work .        I left home at four thirty, I was supposed to meet sis Honea at five o'clock.  We went to eat then went to Big Lots. She wanted to go to a program at the Nazarene church where Debbie worked. When we got back to my car at the day care we sat there for over an hour talking. We ate at the Waffle House. I got an egg and cheese sandwich. They had a reception after the little program. There was some good food, we wished we hadn't eaten.        Honey, without you I am truly only half a person. I feel so "not useful" anymore. I feel so all alone without you, which I definitely am. I always looked forward to Sundays and Wednesdays as did you. Now more than ever I look forward. I know I will see people to talk to. Sis Honea is so good to get me out on occasions. Even when I go to Wal Mart  I don't see anyone I know, sometimes I may see Ricky Seagle but usually from a  distance.         Oh, yeah Sid called me this a.m. I was surprised but very happy to get to talk to him. He wanted to thank me for sending him a copy of the Miller name paper Debbie got in Ireland when she and Tot were there last year.           Honey, I miss you and I still hurt so bad. On the 22nd of Sep 2011 you could see when you first awoke but as the day went on you got sick. We wound up at hospital a little before midnight. You never came home again and I still ache. Sosmetimes it isn't so easy to keep a happy face but I know you would want me to, so I will.  Besides I do have "joy in the Lord" and that helps me immensely. I miss you and I love you.... ............BILL-EE                                                                                                                                      

Ben Miller, I miss you. Seems like no matter what I do I am missing you. Even if I don't do anything, I miss you. Today has been that kind of day..do nothing. I did do a load of laundry, folded and put away. I read for awhile too. I am hoping the rest of the week will be full of working. I don't know why it seemed I was so busy all the time before you left. Guess I really wasn't that busy, it was just that you needed my attention and help.       I am still thinking about new furniture for living room. Today I started thinking I really don't need to be spending any money. If I don't do it soon I will surely be talked myself out of it.         Since I didn't do much I don't have much to write in a note. Of course, I can write about all the things that hsppened your last week. The 21st of September was on wednesday, you stayed in bed or at least in the bed room all that day. I made our supper and ate in the bed room with you. You had the tray, I set my plate on the walker. Honey, I loved you then, I love you now and how I miss you, I cannot say. I have some misgivings about buying a new sofa. I will have to find a new place to sleep. I guess that could be a good thing. I love you..........BILL-EE

I am home now, didn't go out after church. I went by the cemetery today. Actually I drive by the cemetery all the time. When I say I went by, I am meaning that I go to the gravesite. It looks so bare there now. No one can put an angel on the markers. You can't put a solar light there anymore. I hate that, because I was always trying to think of something I can take there for you, Honey.     We had two great services today. I picked Lisa Elliot up again. She has prayed, and has quit smoking. I say good for her. If you believe God and want to give up anything you can do it, by faith.      I went with David, Jared, Mike, Carolyn and Debbie for lunch after church this morning. I came home, after visiting the cemetery and took an hours nap. Then it was time for church again.       I talked to Jared about pressure washing the house for me. He said he could do it. I know I will have to pay him something, but it needs to be done very badly. I feel I shouldn't wait any longer about having it done.        Ben, so many times I get up on Sunday mornings, thinking how much I miss not having to help you get ready for church. I can see your face all over again. How you looked when we were getting you dressed. I think if only I could do that one more time, then I have to srop and remember you are in a place of constant church now. That doesn't exactly bring comfort yet I know I can be happy and enjoy being in church. I miss you and I love you...........BILL-EE

I am back home now. I stayed at Lisa's last night. She had another bad headache, had to get another shot. I am praying she will get over these headaches somehow.      They decided to keep Butch, he is still in ICU. I went back to hospital, in Pell City. and visited with Ashley and Butch. I do know what it is like to sit in a hospital room without having any visitors.       I got home, Allison had been here and got all her things. Her furniture all gone. The house feels very empty now. I hope to buy a new couch for the living room. As soon as I cn get some help to get everything changed over like I want it.        I had to iron my blouse that I want to wear to church in the a.m. I also made the bed in the room where Allison had slept. After she got her bed here, she never did get to sleep on it. She wanted her place, which I do understand. I did see her for a few minutes on occasions. I really miss her and Kamilah. Oh, well that is life.      Honey, I miss you, and I love you. I miss the sound of your voice, calling BILL-EE. I miss the sound of hearing the gospel music in the evenings. I miss hearing you as you worshipped the Lord. I miss getting you all ready for church on Sundays. I just miss you, I miss that I won't be able to take anything to the gravesite for you. Sometimes I miss being alone, knowing that I won't ever have visitors. You knew how much visitors meant to me. Even if I didn't have any. Well, more of that's (my)  life. I better get ready for bed, I have to pick the lady up again in the a.m. I love you...........BILL-EE

I am at Lisa's. I left home today, didn't do much there, I drove to Pell City to sit with Ashley and Butch. Butch still in the hospital, he had another seizure there, so they had put him in ICU unit. He has a bad headache, when he had the seizure he fell and bumped his head. Lisa came on over to the hospital when she got off work. She first went by Ashley and Butch's house to pick up a few things for Ashley. We haven't been here, at the Haynes home long.          My day was getting ready to travel, sitting at hospital, riding here. When I read it I think that really sounds boring.        I think more and more about how unique you really were. Not just your humor but the way you said things. I can't help but miss you, I miss everything about you. I think how much you hated being totally blind, and my heart weeps again. You should not have gone through what you went thru. How many times I would wish it had been me instead of you. I cared so much for you, it was very heart breaking for me. I only can say, Honey, I still miss you and I love you.............BILL-EE

Another day I didn't get alot of work done today. I did get by the cemetery and talked to David about all the things missing. I asked if they had taken the things off and he told me they had been forced to moved everything. Some lady had said she had put something on her husband's marker and it was missing. He said we didn't ever move anything, if it was on the marker. Anyway this lady now has a law suit against the funeral home and cemetery. He did take me in his golf cart to the trailer where everything was and kept digging around until he found everything. The first thing he found was the cap, I said yah! Everything is probably in that spot. So one by one he pulled it all up. David said it is a shame that because of one person everyone else has to be punished. I asked if others had complained, he said yes they had had alot of complaints. I didn't see anyone else going to the trailer to look for their belongings.        Gat-Lynn Webb had a graduation reception at the church tonight. I wanted to give him something, that was yours, Honey. I looked around and decided on a sears coffee mug you brought home years ago. It was the first of your many cups and mugs that you collected. I was the first one in the church, so I got to give it to him privately, I hadn't wrapped it. He showed it to his mom, she told me he loved it, and was very impressed by my giving it to him. I told him it was one of the first of several you got or received as gifts. He was the kind young man who took you in church each service. He watched for us, so he could roll you in.       Butch Tucker had a seizure today, he was taken to hospital, he had another there. They haven't found what it could be from. They think probably from some kind of medication. We are praying for him, he is in God's hands.       It is late I am going to get ready for bed Ben, Honey, I love you and oh how I miss you..........BILL-EE

I had a fairly productive day today. I cleaned bathroom really good, spent time with it. I shampooed my hair. I did some vacuuming. I put away some more clothes. I cleaned up my pantry room. I even, this afternoon, fixed myself a good lunch. I even cried for you, missing you so much. I actually sat in your chair for a bit today, that was not a mountain, but a high hill.       when I left for church I went by the cemetery, as soon as I got where I could see the gravesite, I just about croaked. I could see that everything was gone. Oh, Honey, why does people steal? The solar lights, I had just placed them there Sunday. The angel, clown, cap, old marker was still there. Today everthing is gone. Who would want the marker Lisa had put there? I will surely go and talk to David tomorrow. I don't believe they would have moved anything, but will  find out tomorrow. I noticed a couple of  things gone from other sites. They may have to do something about the stealing. I haven't seen anyone near the other sites, where I knew for sure there had been some things. I was angry and upset, I got to church, went to prayer room still fumming about it. The words of Jesus camr to me, pray for those who despitefully use you or persecute you. I felt like I had better pray for whoever did this. I wasn't angry anymore, just hurt that the things I had put there for you were gone. I can't do anything about it, so I shall live with joy in the Lord.        I went to Dairy Queen with sis Honea, Heidi and her girls, Angelina, and Aubrey. I was hungry. They ate ice cream I had chili cheese fries, over done.    Honey, I miss you and I love you---------BILL-EE

Looking at your picture, I think I don't need a picture because I know how you looked last year, how you looked the year before. I know how you looked 63 years ago, how you looked 60 years ago. Your picture for all the years since we met is engraved in my heart, my dear husband.R.I.P.     Today I  got up, ate, got dressed and took the Honda to the Honda dealership to get an oil change. They did the 7500 mile checkup on the car, all was fine with it except they had to do something with the brakes. I read while this was going on. I finished the book, after I got home. I won't start another book for awhile. I stayed at the dealership for three hours, so I had done alot of reading already today.     I fixed a meal, ate, and took a nap. I got up, took the garbage up to the road, even went for a walk. I talked to the neighbor, behind us, came in looked at fb for the only time today and now I am writing this note.      Some good news about Gerri we are still praying for her full recover, in Jesus name.       I am so all alone without you. I remember praying for you 43 years ago, telling the Lord I needed you, for a two-fold cord is not easily broken. He answered within the week. We never regretted that decision and I never will.          I miss you and I love you, Ben Miller........BILL-EE

Today I have tried to do a few things. I did some sweeping, I found a place to put away a few fall and winter clothes. Of course, I started the day with devotion, bible reading, and some prayer time. I talked to Lisa and to Debbie, doing good.        I was putting something in a closet. I looked at the old jacket you wore so much. I put my face into it and I cried for you. I do miss you, Ben Miller. Sometimes it seems this is impossible he can't be gone, yet I know you are not here anymore. I find myself talking aloud, as if you were listening. No, I am not loosing my mind, Honey, I am only missing you.     I fixed myself a bowl of oatmeal and brown sugar cinnamon toast for breakfast. Good, healthy food. For the rest of the day I made mashed potatoes and litle green peas, with corn bread from Cracker Barrel.      I even have done the unpardonable, I started reading a book. You know how I am when reading, want to see what will happen next. Even when I was reading a book to you I was pron to say, let's read for another thirty minutes. Or maybe I'd want to read one more chapter. I still don't know what to do with me, I was so used to having you to take of. I miss you and I love you..........BILL-EE

Mothers Day 2012, Honey I missed you very much today. Missed you sitting beside me at church, missed you when we were eating, missed you when I got home. I still miss you.      I made it to church, barely on time. Sis Honea had invited me to eat with them today, naturally I did. I had nothing else to do and at least I was surrounded with people. I was there until after four o'clock. I went by the cemetery, put the sonar lights down hoping no one decides to take them away.        When I got home I looked at facebook, Duane and I did some chatting. I got really sleepy lay down for a few minutes, I didn't go to sleep. I thought for awhile I would drive over and go to church with Lisa but when I began getting sleepy I talked myself out of doing that.      I put some clothes away, ate a snack. I don't know where I am putting the food I ate so much today.     Debbie gave me a nice gift, I was thanking her. She said well it was for you and dad. I had to do a little crying about that. She was used to giving you a birthday gift in May, so I got your birthday gift this year.        Honey, I love you I ache for you and I miss you............BILL-EE

I went over to the Haynes for a few hours this afternoon. Harold grilled burgers and dogs....yummy good. I ate two dogs and fries, drank some "dead" coca cola.      I am still feeling upset about the stolen flowers from the grave of my Honey. I don't know if I will ever buy another nice, big bouquet for the vase.       Honey, I miss you so. Sometimes I can see your face before me. Sometimes that hinders my sleep. I will forever miss your being here with me and I will always have an ache. I will always think of you of our lives together. I wil always be thinking of our children, grands, and greats. You loved them all very much. We have been more blessed than anyone else. Though I think of everyone, especially you, I will try not to scream as I have done. I don't want to wonder why, God knows best.        Tomorrow, being Mothers Day I will miss you even more. I knew I could always count on you, my Honey, being beside me. Now, tho I will feel the fact that I am alone. I will probably never have another "special" day because I don't have you to be with me. I do feel my aloneness even more at certain times. I miss you and I love you...........BILL-EE

What I did today is , had breakfast with Debbie and Duane, got ready to leave, drove back to Sylvan Springs. I unpacked my bag, did a load of laundry, ate lunch, took a nap. Busy, busy day for me.       After my nap I got ready to go shopping and get some dinner. I went by the bank, bought some germ x, went on down to the Home Plate Diner got something to eat, then I went to Wal Mart.       First I stopped by the cemetery. I really got upset when I started to the grave site I noticed, right away, the beautiful flowers I had put in the vase were gone. I could not believe some one would actually steal flowers from a grave. I wanted to sit down and cry. Funny thing is the baloon frog had been left behind, without the stem. The flowers could not have blown out of the vase, but if the wind had been strong enough to do that, it surely would not have left the frog behind. Also the little fish I had taken there was laying very neatly on the granite. Yes, that was enough to upset anyone. I hope whoever took them will enjoy them as much as I enjoyed putting them there for you, Honey.          Well that has been my day. I bought a few groceries, got them in and put away. I was thinking how you would "fuss" at me for trying to bring everything in at once. You thought I should make as many trips as necessary, to bring in a few at a time. I feel like get them in the house and taken care of. So much to think about. We did have a long time together, yet it seems like hardly no time at all.      Allison is coming after her furniture and guess she will get everything. I will stay alone, totally. Will probably go to Georgia more than I have done. Don't know for sure, yet, just what I will do.        I do know for sure that I will miss you no matter where I am and that I love you...........BILL-EE

Here I am still in Georgia. Duane had the test today, he doesn't know the results yet. Maybe this test will show what they will need to know. The Dr. is determined to find what is causing his problems, also wants to be sure the  arteries are all o.k.       Anyway, that is basically what I did today. After we left the Doctor's we came back across town to EMGs office and ate some lunch.      We came back to the Darden's, I took a nap, Duane went home, Deb came home and started dinner. Of course, she made a good meal as she always does. So since that is what my day consisted of, there isn't much to write about.        I can always talk about how much I miss you, Honey.           I am sleeping in the bedroom that was yours, for alot of years, when we were here. For years you and I made quite a few trips to Georgia for several days. About the only place we ever went to. The thing is, I have so many memories of us here. I remember how so many times your great sense of humor would make us laugh, Debbie would always say, "that's my dad".       I miss you and I love you. I have really enjoyed spending this time with Duane and Debbie, but leave tomorrow a.m. for home. Love you.............BILL-EE

Honey, I am in Georgia. Duane is having a nuclear treadmill test done tomorrow, so I am here to go with him. Dr. Gandy is wanting to check out everything about his heart. He says some things are not right. For one he wasn't getting any oxygen to his heart. He wants to know if they need to do another stint right now. Anyway I drove up here late afternoon. Other than that I didn't get much done again today.      Lisa still having bad headaches, I have plenty to pray about. Another reason I miss you. I knew if I told you something was wrong with any of our children, you would pray.         The drive up here was uneventful. I rather enjoyed it. Of course I missed not having you in the car with me. I just miss you, period. I am not going to try to write a long note. I didn't do anything to write about, so I will say I love you............BILL-EE

I am here again tonight to write a note about my day without you, Honey. First off, I went to the ladies meeting last evening at the Cracker Barrel. There, we ate dinner. I left the Cracker Barrel at eight Forty one. I drove to Lisa's, I sat up talking to Harold for awhile then got ready for bed. Last night was one of those nights, no sleep until past four o'clock. Up every half hour. I woke when Lisa got up to get ready for work. I finally got back to sleep about eight o'clock. Ashley was there with Rylan at nine ten. So you can see it was definitely, one of those nights.       I am back home tired, sleepy, and thinking of getting in bed. Rylan and I did good, we had a good day. He wasn't at all hard to take care of.      The award dinner was fine. What was so funny, a lot of people were there. The line was long. I told Ashley I would keep my seat until the lind shortened. The Homewood Mayor came by our table, he spoke and asked if I wasn't going to eat. I told him I am waiting for the line to get shorter, so he sets his food down, comes back picks up my plate, and says he is getting me some food right away. Lisa was in the serving line, he took the plate to her and told her to break in line and fix me a plate. I was so shocked at that, but he remembered me from your visitation. Also I had seen him at the Homewood Christmas party. It was so nice of him and I was hungry. Several of the people remembered me from the visitation and your funeral. Even some of those that were retired. After all Lisa has been around there for quite a few years now.     That pretty well sums up my day except to say as always that I miss you very much and that I love you...........BILL-EE

It is early. I am writing my note because I am about to leave the house. I am going by Wal Mart then onto a ladies meeting in Bessemer. We are meeting at the Cracker Barrel to eat dinner. I, then will go on out to Lisa's to spend the night. I am watching Rylan tomorrow for Ashley.       So far today I haven't done much. Seems like I have been slower then usual today.      As I was lying in the bed this a.m. rel;iving again our last day at home. I can't help but think of that day. How could I ever have known it was to be our last day together? I remember your being so cold, shivering. I covered you with a blanket and held you close to me, trying to get you warm. I said I wish I could do more, your answer "just hold me". Then the medic arrived, from Sylvan Springs fire department. I had to go to the door. You never said much to me when you were in the ER. When they said you would be admitted, I learned the fifth floor. I stopped walking and said not the fifth. You see, Honey, I knew this was the floor for people they were not expecting to live long. My heart began to ache even then.     You were always such an energetic person, and always seemed to be young.      Anyway, remembering all this, I can only cry and think of the pain of losing you.       It is getting late. Sounds like the rain has stopped for now so I am getting on the road. I miss you endlessly and I can know that I love you..........BILL-EE

Today was church, as usual. I have been picking up a lady, lives on Forest Road. I picked her up then took her back home after church. I then went out to eat with Mike, Carolyn, David, and Sarah. We went to Cracker Barrel. We had about a thirty minute wait. You, Honey, hated to wait for a table, no matter where we might go. After the wait, by the time I stopped by the cemetery and got home, it was almost time to go back to church. I thought I could lie down for fifteen or twenty minutes. I naturally fell asleep. Lisa, the lady I am picking up, called me. It was ten minutes to five...church starts at five. I hopped up, got on the road and off I went. We were a few minutes late but we did make it. After church, I took her home and came on home myself. It had come a down pour, no one was going out tonight. That suited me fine.     I don't sleep well on Saturday nights. I think I am afraid I will over sleep on Sunday a.m. That was my exciting day. I am still missing you, thinking of you, and loving you..........BILL-EE         P.S  James and Glenda brought me two roses tonight. They came off bushes he planted at their house a few weeks ago. They were beautiful, a red one and a pink one. love you.

Here I am again with a note.Talking about my days without my sweetheart. I just went to get gas in the car. as I passed the cemetery, too late to stop, I was overwhelmed with missing Ben. The ache that hit me was so, I can't describe it. I felt like crying, screaming, anything to be heard. So I got the gas and came back home. The pain following me all the way. I had to pass the cemetery again, I wished I was some place else. I cried all the way back home. Honey, when I turned into our street WXJC began playing "your song". I'll always think of that song as yours. "Something Got Hold of Me". What a heart breaking evening!!        As for my day, I vacuumed floors, mopped the big bath room and left home to go help Lisa pack Chase up. He is moving back home for awhile. He wants to save some money and buy a house. I stayed for several hours trying to help. Working hard not to get in the way.      I still have to look up, so much, especially days as this one turned out to be. I always have an ache when I pass the cemetery, but this evening..... I just miss you so much and I love you.............BILL-EE

Here it is May 4th already. Time sometimes seem to fly, then there are days when they seem to creep by. My day was not too busy, I mopped the kitchen. I also tried to get a larger aisle to pass through, in the den. That wasn't altogether an easy chore. I got it done though. I put Kamilah's toys in a box, all of them are pretty much together, except for her "baby".      I really did intend to go grocery shopping. After a shower and eating I was tired. My thoughts, I will lie down for a few minutes. I intended to take a fifteen minute nap. I didn't awaken until 3 hours later. Guess I ruined my sleep for this night.      I did want to get by the cemetery, since it had rained yesterday. The nap ruined that for me.    Honey, I think of you alot. Different things will come into my mind. Like maybe what we did last year. I have been having trouble with a leg, seems as if it just about folds sometimes. That's when I will remember you coming in the house with a hole in the knee of your pants. Me: "Ben what did you do?" You: "I don't know what happened, my leg just seemed to give out with me and down I went". So many things happened over the years. I have memories on top of memories. They are all so precious to me, even the ones that causes a tear in the pants. Lifetime of memories. I could no more forget than I could stop breathing.      I miss and love you, my Ben........BILL-EE

I am determined to get the note in before midnight. I have been staying out to late. Honey, you would be really upset if you knew how late I was out on the road. Today has been a lazy day for me. I slept a little later than usual. After I had breakfast, I did some more laundry, I haven't gotten them all folded yet. I will do all that tomorrow.      It has rained most of the day, so it really has been a lazy day, as I already stated. I usually don't pay too much attention to all the rain. Today has just about been a steady pour around here.       Debbie called this evening. She and I talked for quite awhile, then I talked to Duane. I think I had already written in a notee that he moved into the apartment at the Dardens'. He said he liked it fine. He has called several times, Deb, too. I haven't been home when they called. I had decided I would call them tonight. The telephone started ringing, I said to myself that is Debbie. I am very rarely wrong. I do plan to be in bed maybe by ten o'clock tonight if not earlier.        My Ben, I miss you and I love you..........BILL-EE         I talked to Dialyn and Lisa today, too. The calls has made it an all around good day. Love you.

5/2/12        It is late again. I didn't get home from church and eating until about ten o:clock. Lisa called me as I started down the hill. I told her  may lose her, she said just call when I got home. I called and we talked for awhile. She is having an MRA done tomorrow morning. They have found a tear in an artery in her left eye. She probably will have to have a surgery done. I hope they can fix it without that.      I left home about one forty five today, I went to the day care again. Then I went to church. After church I went with Mike, Carolyn, and David to eat. My days are all so exciting.       I got all my things ready, I had planned to go to the Esther conference, a ladies thing. Then I got to feeling tired and changed my mind.       We got a nice rain tonight, got the new flowers watered one more time.       Honey, I love you and I sure do miss you so much..........BILL-EE

Honey, your birthday was a beautiful day. It was hot though, especially at the cemetery.       I went by the florist, bought new flowers for your vase. I saw a frog, all green with I love you on it, I bought it. The lady at the florist put it in the bouquet. Looks good. I wanted to stay there longer but it was so hot, I didn't stay too long.       I went down to the day care, I am wanting to volunteer to work for awhile in the afternoon and evening. I don't know how it will work out. I just want to help a little I know they are so busy this month.        I wasn't expecting to see Sis Honea, she has been at their country house. She came in, saw me, and said "want to go get something to eat". So we went ate, visited, and walked around Big Lot for awhile. She knew it was your birthday, so she said we could celebrate. God always knows what one of His needs. I thank Him for caring and for the people in my life, who cares.       Debbie and Duane called while I was gone. It was past nine when I got back home, so I didn't call them back.     They were thinking of you and of me on this day.     Honey, sometimes when I am driving along I think of the times I would reach over to you, put my hand on your leg. I would leave it there, rubbing your leg, until you would say "you need both hands on the wheel". What a stickler you could be.       Tammy, my neice, called me also. I had several messages when I got back home. I felt better knowing someone was thinking of me and, of course, you.      I miss you, special days like your birthday, are not easy to get thru. I know that with the help of God and by His grace I will have to keep going. That is what you would expect me to do. I love you.........BILL-EE